Have a foot fetish long before porn, can't have erection with normal sex

[fixmepls22]

Hi! I'm writing this post to see if there is someone with this problem and was able to "fix it". Long story, but making it short. I'm a 29yo guy who started PMO at 16yo and I've always had a foot fetish (even before using porn), when i started to PMO i used normal vainilla porn, then around 18 I discovered foot fetish porn, first I used all kind of porn but as time passed I martubated to foot fetish porn only, The first time I tried to have sex (at 22, yeah, late), I only got half a boner and lost my erection inside her and couldn't finish. I started using ed meds sporadically when was about to have sex with a girl because if I didn't, I could not get hard enough unless I touched her feet or got a footjob (which, lets be honest, is embarrasing to ask to a girl when you are gonna have sex with her the first time). I did reboot 4 years ago and started a relationship, in the beginning I used ed meds to have sex with my now ex, and after the first month I could have a boner and normal penetrative sex without the meds, but like 5 out of 10 times I involved in foot fetishism with her. Then we broke up her and I started using porn again... and had to use ed meds again with this new girl I started dating, until I got "rewired" again for a short time and then we stopped seeing each other. So, the quarantine happened, I relapsed again and I used a lot of porn. Now I can't have normal sex again, I'm currently 2 months "clean" from porn but I've been with certain "mistresses" to engage in foot fetish with me but I can't get hard nor have normal sex if there is not feet involved. I need to ask to people who had a "problem" with a fetish. Should I stop my fetish forever (as I do with porn)? Could I get rid of this "curse" that was in me even before porn? Even if I had a beautiful woman with her legs open in front of me I couldn't get half a boner unless I do things to her feet. I just want to be normal, I don't want to depend on this fetish to have sex. I feel like a weirdo, and so frustrated... Please tell me I'm not the only one , can this be solved?

 

[fixmepls22]

Hey! thanks for your reply. Been reading about orgasm reconditioning and how it has been effective with even more serious issues. I think I should focus on that tactic rather than trying to suppress the fetish.

 

[Fujifilm]

Hey man, I have almost the same exact problem, and I thought I was the only one. I've been conditioned to foot fetish since my childhood way before I ever had access to porn. Eventually with internet it escalated to more extreme fetishes, such as foot worshiping, femdom, foot slave, trampling, etc. But I never really enjoyed or was able to orgasm to normal vanilla porn. I always PMO to these fetish videos. At certain points I was so consumed about it that it's all I thought about was feet. It fricken sucks.

I also have a new girlfriend, and she is hot & beautiful, but I cannot get fully erect when just touching/licking her boobs or vagina, or just getting a handjob. Like I need to touch or think/fantasize about her feet in order to get fully hard. I absolutely hate it and it's so frustrating. I just want to be able to be fully turned on and stay hard just by normal stuff, boobs, butt, vagina, and normal vanilla sex. I don't want to depend on this fetish to have sex and I don't want to incorporate it into sex. I literally just want to rewire my brain to get aroused by the normal things instead of feet.

If you have any resources/advice on how to rewire my brain to getting turned on and stay erect by normal stuff such as regular sex, oral sex, or hand jobs (without involving my foot fetish) I would greatly appreciate it. I hate it so much and I really want to change. I'm starting my reboot now. But I'm not sure if it's even possible to go back to normal anymore...

 

[Struggling01]

I am in the same boat. Foot fetish, foot tickling, foot torture, and any sort of bondage involving bare feet have ALWAYS been my kink. It began when I was a young teen and never left me. I have lost relationships over it, lost a job over it, and I am still struggling to this day. Vanilla sex does nothing for me. Kinky foot fetish play and having the woman tied up barefoot is what really works.

I am trying so hard to avoid porn altogether, but it seems like I see bare feet in advertising more now than ever before, and it's really making it hard to avoid going back to my old ways.

Like Fugi said, if anyone has advise on how to reboot / rewire so feet and tickling don't have to be triggers for my orgasm when I am with a woman, please let me know. I am afraid after more than 30 years like this it might be too late.

 

[Caravan7]

Hi folks. First of all, I don't think it's right or necessary for you to suffer so much about your fetish. Now, we are trying to undo the effect of addiction and excessive compulsion, but a fetish per se (when it does not harm) is not pathological.

Check these out:

A Sex Educator On How To Reframe A Fetish

There will be no fetish-shaming in this house.

www.bustle.com

No, You Cannot Eradicate a Fetish

Evidence says fetishes can't be eliminated through psychotherapy, but many mental health practitioners still use harmful and antiquated techniques.

www.psychologytoday.com

You cannot eradicate a fetish, just like if you are straight, say, you will always be straight. Your sexual orientation and your fetishes are your sexuality. Foot fetish in particular is very common and, look, feet are part of the body. I would not feel bad about it, why? Find a partner who is ok with it and enjoy. (You don't have a fetish for ... sharks right? That would be strange)

I would focus a reboot effort on undoing the long term effects of porn. If it's compulsive, obsessive or excessive, that needs attention, but because of the compulsion, not the fetish itself. Adding suffering about the mere fact of having a fetish as such is unnecessary additional pain, don't do that to yourself.

Empathy and peace.

 

[Fujifilm]

Hi folks. First of all, I don't think it's right or necessary for you to suffer so much about your fetish. Now, we are trying to undo the effect of addiction and excessive compulsion, but a fetish per se (when it does not harm) is not pathological.

Check these out:

A Sex Educator On How To Reframe A Fetish

There will be no fetish-shaming in this house.

www.bustle.com

No, You Cannot Eradicate a Fetish

Evidence says fetishes can't be eliminated through psychotherapy, but many mental health practitioners still use harmful and antiquated techniques.

www.psychologytoday.com

You cannot eradicate a fetish, just like if you are straight, say, you will always be straight. Your sexual orientation and your fetishes are your sexuality. Foot fetish in particular is very common and, look, feet are part of the body. I would not feel bad about it, why? Find a partner who is ok with it and enjoy. (You don't have a fetish for ... sharks right? That would be strange)

I would focus a reboot effort on undoing the long term effects of porn. If it's compulsive, obsessive or excessive, that needs attention, but because of the compulsion, not the fetish itself. Adding suffering about the mere fact of having a fetish as such is unnecessary additional pain, don't do that to yourself.

Empathy and peace.

Thank you for the reply,

I guess since you're saying that I can't eradicate a fetish I just need to accept it... but that's not something I want to incorporate into sex. I guess what I want more than getting rid of the fetish is to rewire my brain to getting turned on and stay erect by normal stuff such as boobs, butt, vagina, regular sex, oral sex, or hand jobs (without involving feet).

At the moment, I don't get fully turned on by this, but do you think that doing a reboot will eventually get me to recondition my trigger to regular stuff rather than fetish stuff?

 

[Caravan7]

Hi, well not sure about that, I'm not a psychologist or addiction expert, so I learned the things I wrote about just from available resources and the reboot community and my own therapists.

So, you are saying nothing turns you on except feet? Touching a woman's breasts is not a turn on for you at all, or it's less than you would imagine it should be? It's a zero situation or a matter of degree? I know it sounds obvious, but I think a specialist (psychologist or other therapist, perhaps someone expert on sex matters) would be necessary here. Whatever you are experiencing, you are surely not the only one, so there must be someone out there who knows about this. It makes things harder for you to wonder without direction. I think we first need to have the clear science on our problems in order to move confidently toward healing. I think you'd be in a better position if you saw someone who can clarify this for you from a neuroscience/psychological perspective.

 

[Fujifilm]

Hi, well not sure about that, I'm not a psychologist or addiction expert, so I learned the things I wrote about just from available resources and the reboot community and my own therapists.

So, you are saying nothing turns you on except feet? Touching a woman's breasts is not a turn on for you at all, or it's less than you would imagine it should be? It's a zero situation or a matter of degree? I know it sounds obvious, but I think a specialist (psychologist or other therapist, perhaps someone expert on sex matters) would be necessary here. Whatever you are experiencing, you are surely not the only one, so there must be someone out there who knows about this. It makes things harder for you to wonder without direction. I think we first need to have the clear science on our problems in order to move confidently toward healing. I think you'd be in a better position if you saw someone who can clarify this for you from a neuroscience/psychological perspective.

First of all, I wanted to thank you for taking the time to reply to this and helping me out. I truly appreciate it.
I'll look more into the different forums in the reboot community.

My situation, i guess it might be a bit different than others? I don't know if it's worse or how long it will take to recover/reboot for me?
So to get the basics down, I do wake up with MW every morning. I can get an erection to just with hands touch alone (no porn, or fantasy.)

And to answer your question, yes I do get turned on by other things besides feet, like if a girl sits on top of me, I like when a girl causes some pain to me like painfully scratches my back, or even touching breasts & butt, eating her out, her playing with my penis, yes I do get turned on but its LESS than I would imagine it should be. I would imagine for me to be fully erect but its usually like 50%-60% and sometimes just drops to flaccid after a bit of time.

Maybe I just need a break from porn, and maybe I'll get more sensitized to that normal stuff and get fully turned on by it after some time without fetish porn?

I'll look into a psychologist or therapist on sex matters and do more research on this forum/community too. I do appreciate your advice and help!

 

[Caravan7]

Happy to help.

Sounds right! Yes, do contact a therapist, you need an unbiased, external, expert opinion, so that you don't feel alone or odd. Nothing you describe seems so strange to me, to be honest.

One thing though: you certainly need to stop porn altogether and for good, there's little doubt about that. I think both the reboot community and any specialist would agree.

Best wishes!