I agree with the guys above. Just recognize what triggered you and move on to the next day. We are all going to have slips and relapses, but I think we have to just hop right back on the horse and keep soldiering on. I don't know how long you've been doing good before this little slip, but just because you did slip doesn't mean you are starting at zero. You're here posting and seeking to be better. You are doing the right thing.Hi gents, how do you handle remorse and shame after a slip. I went to a chat room today and edged for about an hour. Now I feel like shit and like I’m never going to get better. Looking forward to any tips you may have.
Thank you for your comment. It’s encouraging and promising to read your words. I think journaling for me is hard. For some reason I feel like I don’t know what to do or how to do it. Plus it doesn’t come second nature so I always forget to do it. You are right, though, the shame I feel generally makes me feel like I can’t do better which leads to a cycle. I can do better, I want to do better, and I will do better!Try to recognize what has triggered you to act out sexually and try to stop it there. The despair you feel now is the last stage of the addiction cycle. Start over. Come here and Journal if you feel triggered. The best way to feel better about the remorse and shame is not to get there.
Recognize your Triggers that lead to fantasy that lead to ritualization that lead to acting out that lead to numbing and despair and shame.
Tomorrow is a new day and can be a new beginning of no more shame.
Peace and Strength Brother
You mention meditation, how do you meditate? How do you keep focus? What kinds of things do you make part of your meditation routine?The slip is due to the addiction, you have done nothing terribly wrong. Who did you hurt? Porn addiction is not, per se, a moral issue, it's a health issue (there are of course moral considerations regarding the existence of porn itself, but you getting hooked up, like we all did, just happened).
There is really no need for any shame and remorse. Just some mild disappointment suffices Just treat it as an objective problem: how to avoid relapses. Focus on strategies, techniques, journaling, meditation, exercise, therapy to investigate the deep reasons, and the like.
If I relapse, I just go "ouch, damn it, gotta do better tomorrow," and that's it. It's a marathon, not a sprint, so to succeed in the long term you need to stay serene. Long-term change is more likely to happen without huge swings in emotions (positive or negative). Focus on changing habits, with small adjustments day by day... it will gradually get just a little easier.
Give yourself empathy (which does not mean being self-indulgent) rather than shame
The journey continues ....
I can tell you what works for me, and it's a bunch of different things:You mention meditation, how do you meditate? How do you keep focus? What kinds of things do you make part of your meditation routine?
You're welcome my friend.Thank you for your comment. It’s encouraging and promising to read your words. I think journaling for me is hard. For some reason I feel like I don’t know what to do or how to do it. Plus it doesn’t come second nature so I always forget to do it. You are right, though, the shame I feel generally makes me feel like I can’t do better which leads to a cycle. I can do better, I want to do better, and I will do better!