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Day 15:
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Its nice, that you guys can still hold the relationship together. I am also happy for your progress with staying away from P. Dont let up. Be aware of the things (strategies, thoughts) that helped you this far, so you can turn back to them, when stronger urges should hit you. Maybe its even worth it to write them down, so you can remind yourself of them then.
Ye absolutely, for you spare time when u have the house for yourself, u can go check "healthygamer" on youtube, there is a ton of interview they did from twitch. It's hours long and it's just so much learning, like our struggle are shared by litteraly a lot of ppl, kind of eye opening, and u can make paralleles with your situation to understand yourself more. There is also a bunch of "knowledge video" where this psychiastrist explain how the mind works and all that stuff
I'm not a native english speaker and it took me few secs to picture what that meant lmao. But ye for the "no reciprocity" part, since u build up seminal liquid in the prostate when u're horny, it will annoyingly remind u that it's full and get u urges until the point where u really said no to the body and it gets out with urine with time but this can last few days so be carefull about that, this can be a strong urges maker (maybe u know all this but better safe than sorry). I wouldn't want to read "I ate my partner out 7 days this week and she didn't give me anything in return I was so horny I went back to porn" >.< ...
Hopefully u'll get "some back" regularly in regards to keep the pressure at a relatively normal lvl. I guess u know that too but still, ima make the point. Fighting PMO is a thing, and a manageable one if u have a decent will and a good reason, but the real deal is with hardmode coz at that point u're fighting porn AND the natural ways of the body which amplify the idea that porn is the way (just so he gets to release).
And yes as u said, the one week trial will be a challenge but since it's not even apparently dead with your girl, I think that a good enough reason that can outperfom pmo pressure. Feel free to come chat in here if u need any support at that time
All my positive energy with u man !
Crysler
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I guess programmers nowadays are those who most often suffer from PIED.
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Im not a programmer yet, its something ive always been interested in so im picking up the skills to change careers in the future. But I do get what you mean, there is usually a trend for people in that industry and high porn use. But I'm not going to let that be a problem
Cheers mate, I appreciate the support. I'm starting to be more open about what I want as well to make sure that things aren't always one sided. I need to be more comfortable with confronting people and coming to mutual agreements.
Got caught in a trap this morning from a tattoo page on FB that posted girls in bikinis, I realized that I was then trying to look for anything to feed the urges but I got out and left the page for my own good.
Nice job on identifying it as a trigger and getting away from it. We wont be able to avoid evry trigger for the rest of our lives. But we need to get in the habit of getting away from it as soon as we notice a trigger.
Also with social media we gotta be careful. Some months ago i got into the habit of scrolling through Youtube without searching for anything specific, but with time there was a subtle change and i started scrolling subconsciously to find sexual content and this whole searching and anticipation process was giving me dopamine hits. This resulted in my only relapse in two years. Since then i am very careful to not blurry the lines on what is sexual content or not. If i do something for the reason of being sexually stimulated or it has a huge potential to do so, i have to count it as a trigger and needs to be avoided.
So we always need to be honest with ourselves and ask, what reasons are there for us for being on social media.
You are doing a great job man, keep going
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Day 16 - 17:
I had a wet dream last night
I had a wet dream last night
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funny thing i got my 1st ever at day 17 aswell.
Not even morally wise, it's just that my reality has always been around so little amount of ppl, I have a really really hard time conceiving having so much social network that u could build that kind of experience of life. That's astonishing to me, didn't u spend 26h out of 24 maintaining your social network to have this much people around AND this much people around for that specific goal (which, i imagine, requieres a base amount of ppl in your social circle that's way bigger) ?
Or just that, since social network usually grow bigger overtime, well, time did the job + regular amount of social interaction ?
That's really a life that's sooo disconnected from mine, I have a hard time understanding how having this experience of life is possible. I'm good looking and all but I just am not that person at all.
Not even morally wise, it's just that my reality has always been around so little amount of ppl, I have a really really hard time conceiving having so much social network that u could build that kind of experience of life. That's astonishing to me, didn't u spend 26h out of 24 maintaining your social network to have this much people around AND this much people around for that specific goal (which, i imagine, requieres a base amount of ppl in your social circle that's way bigger) ?
Or just that, since social network usually grow bigger overtime, well, time did the job + regular amount of social interaction ?
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@Flesh I guess everyone experiences life completely differently. I've always naturally attracted friends whether I wanted them or not and most of the time I didn't put much effort in maintaining my social circles. If I lost a friend I was glad for the time I spent with them but it wasnt the end of the world for me. Because I tried different things when I was younger like studied different courses and worked different jobs, I made lots of friends along the way and just happened to have many friend circles. At some point it became an issue where I was with the wrong crowds and I had to learn the hard way that not everyone needs to be a friend. I've lost many friends along the way but the main ones have stayed even when I moved to different cities they would always show up to see me and still do. Im still very grateful for what every person that has entered my life has taught me about life through our experiences, even the ones who back stabbed me.
My circle has shrunk to just the necessary people, although I do miss having different circles and a variety of friends mainly for the wild adventures, I equally enjoy having my own space to do me.
My circle has shrunk to just the necessary people, although I do miss having different circles and a variety of friends mainly for the wild adventures, I equally enjoy having my own space to do me.
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How do your high sex drive and addiction relate? I guess I have a similar situation and I find it hard to see to what extent I have an addiction and to what extent I simply have a high sex drive. I'm starting to see that for me my sex life and my porn use do cause at least some problems in my life and that's why I do want to do something about it, but what if this is (partly) just who I am? Just curious how you look at that
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When I think about it, my porn use increased when I realised that I had a high sex drive and I tried to do something about how many women I was sleeping with, I didn't want to keep having meaningless sex and I thought I could reduce my sex drive by not doing it for a period of time, this lead me to just watch more porn as a substitute. My porn habit has definitely caused a lot of problems in my relationship which is why I'd like to get over it. Some people have a higher sex drive than others, and I've accepted that this is who I am, or at least part of me and at the moment I'm in the process of figuring out how I want that to be part of my life without porn and keep my sexual needs under control somehowHow do your high sex drive and addiction relate? I guess I have a similar situation and I find it hard to see to what extent I have an addiction and to what extent I simply have a high sex drive. I'm starting to see that for me my sex life and my porn use do cause at least some problems in my life and that's why I do want to do something about it, but what if this is (partly) just who I am? Just curious how you look at that
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Day 18:
Finally hit the 3 week mark, I don't get any urge to watch porn but I still get the feeling to watch twerking videos or just look at pictures of naked women a few times a day, these urges are small enough for me to distract myself and focus on other things. It just bothers me how often the thought comes up during the day. I constantly remind myself that doing so will add no value to my life and my progress other than a short term high that I don't really need.
Anime and gaming have been my biggest go-to for distractions and I even manage to hit my work targets before the end of the week to focus on that.
Whatever im doing seems to be working so Ill just keep sticking to it. Still anticipating the big urges that will come at some point but until then, gaming, anime, gym and coding are my go to.
Finally hit the 3 week mark, I don't get any urge to watch porn but I still get the feeling to watch twerking videos or just look at pictures of naked women a few times a day, these urges are small enough for me to distract myself and focus on other things. It just bothers me how often the thought comes up during the day. I constantly remind myself that doing so will add no value to my life and my progress other than a short term high that I don't really need.
Anime and gaming have been my biggest go-to for distractions and I even manage to hit my work targets before the end of the week to focus on that.
Whatever im doing seems to be working so Ill just keep sticking to it. Still anticipating the big urges that will come at some point but until then, gaming, anime, gym and coding are my go to.
yep day 18 nothing surprising about these urges, as the days flew, my brain tried to trick me in different ways coz he saw that the thought u describe weren't working and i got some thought of "im wasting my life not fucking girl when im still young" then "relationship is all that matter i should not waste my time and go get a girl", it wasn't the easiest at first to see it was a trick from my brain tho, so I kind of warn you that "apparently unrelated" thoughts might come sooner or later but they aren't what they seem to be
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Thanx for the answer. Yeah, this is pretty much where I'm at too. Or at least I'm at the start of the process. One thing I'm struggling with is whether I have an addiction or just have a high sex drive. I've always seen at as such and never considered it a problem, but looking back it has been problematic in some ways. Another member suggested a book on sex addiction which I've ordered. Curious if it helps me to get a better look at things
Congratulations on the three weeks!
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Day 18 -19:
Took half a step back in my progress on day 18 (yesterday), my partner did something that really annoyed me, after a few hours I found myself on Facebook looking for NSFW images and pages, I scrolled for about 20 seconds before stopping myself. I realized that I shouldn't let any external factors impact my progress and I'm doing this for my benefit first and foremost. We later talked about the issue, how it made us both feel and came to mutual conclusion/agreement.
I'm spending all of my spare time binge watching anime and gaming and I'm noticing that although they are distractions, I'm not making any progress towards my real goals of self education and moving closer to being a programmer. The only other things going well at the moment are gym and work life.
I'm not beating myself up for the minor set back, I didn't get an erection or feel like taking things further to actual porn. I'm actually more proud of this outcome than anything, cant waste time feeling sorry for myself.
I'm still determined to get through this and improve my life in every way possible, so I'll be more aware of any obstacles in the future.
Took half a step back in my progress on day 18 (yesterday), my partner did something that really annoyed me, after a few hours I found myself on Facebook looking for NSFW images and pages, I scrolled for about 20 seconds before stopping myself. I realized that I shouldn't let any external factors impact my progress and I'm doing this for my benefit first and foremost. We later talked about the issue, how it made us both feel and came to mutual conclusion/agreement.
I'm spending all of my spare time binge watching anime and gaming and I'm noticing that although they are distractions, I'm not making any progress towards my real goals of self education and moving closer to being a programmer. The only other things going well at the moment are gym and work life.
I'm not beating myself up for the minor set back, I didn't get an erection or feel like taking things further to actual porn. I'm actually more proud of this outcome than anything, cant waste time feeling sorry for myself.
I'm still determined to get through this and improve my life in every way possible, so I'll be more aware of any obstacles in the future.
Idk if u have that thought coz u know u could learn coding and self educate yourself more, but I wouldn't rush multiple goals at a time, I tried it for the 1st 10 days and it was a nightmare, I knew I wouldn't succeed at anything if I didn't start with one thing, then another, then another, or two at a time but not ALL of em at the time. Especially with the relationship situation you're in, if things gets overwhelming just coz there is too much u want to do at the same time (for no reason except impatience since u seems to have a stable life overall), there might be some of this pressure leaking in the relationship, which is (I think) one of the current goals.
Good luck balancing stuff, and don't be impatient !
Good luck balancing stuff, and don't be impatient !
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Cheers for the insight, funny enough my counsellor said something similar about taking on too much at once to keep myself busy. I do feel like im in a rush to change careers and improve, I need to be more patient and take things slower. I used to have a mentor who would give me some advice on how he got rich and successful and after I let him down by not staying on track with my goals, its been bothering me that Im not where I want to be and I feel like I haven't done enough other than fuck up and chose to be comfortable.
I know I need to balance the right things but also have fun along the way. I put too much pressure on myself when it comes to coding and I end up stopping for a while when things get hard instead of taking the time to really understand things properly
It's a very common mystake that's why.
I'm listening to "The subtle art of not giving a fuck" which is available on yt for now (5h33min long), don't correlate a lot with what's ur in but in the first 1h30 he talks about the way to problem solve and how this is what makes you happy brilliantly (about your "wanna have fun along).
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Day 20:
Day 21:
Day 21:
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