Journey to a better me

canguro

Active Member
Hey man, sorry to hear about your relapse!
Stay strong the next days and weeks and don't fall for mindtricks like "it doesn't matter now that the streak is broken".
Never give up!
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
Hey man, sorry to hear about your relapse. You had a hell of a streak, and that is to be praised. I concur with Canguro, don't let your mind tell you it's okay now, since you slipped. Dust yourself off and keep on moving! You mentioned that you should have done certain things over the last couple of days, what were these things? Whatever it was, reflect on them, and learn from this.

You got this! Don't be too hard on yourself, you made great gains.
 
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Kid Gohan

Active Member
Day 1:

I'm no longer annoyed and disappointed at myself. I've come a long way from where I used to be and I'm proud of how far I've come in this journey. Set backs happen to everyone, and what matters most is how we bounce back from them.

My recent relapse was definitely because I had a lot going on in life and I tried to juggle it all and didnt focus on stress management. My daily routine for the last couple of months was: Wake up, code, work, code, sleep... rarely ever making time to eat or spend a few minutes with my girl. Its good to have a routine but there needs to be time outside of that for other equally important things that make me happy.

Shit happens, doesnt mean I'll sit here and accept the shit or pity myself for it.

Im fucking dope, nothing will stop me from being the better version of myself I want to be, not even me!!

Onward and forward we go!!!
 

Kid Gohan

Active Member
@canguro @Blondie Thank you guys for the support and advice. I'm glad it happened as it made me realise that there is still room for improvement and to take time out of my day to breathe and relax. No brain fog or other side effects to report and no PIED last night either. To me it shows that I made some major improvements. Im not letting this setback define me in anyway.
 

cookiemonster

Active Member
Hey Gohan, don't let yourself binge and don't let your guard down.

When I relapsed I basically gave up for a little while and it's taken me a while to get my streak going again.

You haven't undone all of your good work but with every PMO it'll just make it harder to get rid of the addiction again.

You can do it mate.
 

Kid Gohan

Active Member
Day 2:

Had a decent day, no urges or temptations. Going easy on my routines for the next couple of days to re-assess and improve.

I want to put more of a focus on my relationship, we went through a lot in the first couple years which left me with some feelings of resentment for a while and constantly thinking of an exit strategy for "when the time is right". Things have been going well recently, we barely ever argue anymore and have both matured from where we used to be, we understand each other a lot better and communication has definitely improved too. I want to put in more of an effort to make this last and not just think about myself and my selfish needs.
 

Kid Gohan

Active Member
Day 8:

I think this relapse was a blessing in disguise, I feel like It's taught myself and how to better move forward.
I haven't been 100% happy with everything for at least a few months so I've been focusing on coding to distract me. I listened to a new podcast recently and it helped me understand that I needed to be happy and grateful with who I am right now before I can try to be happy being successful.

Getting back to meditation a couple of times a day and daily affirmations to reinforce positive thinking and beliefs.
The secret to mastering anything is repetition and consistency. I just need to stick to the basics and go at it one day at a time
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
it helped me understand that I needed to be happy and grateful with who I am right now before I can try to be happy being successful.

Thanks man, I needed to hear that. I forget that sometimes! I'm glad you're doing well.
 

Kid Gohan

Active Member
it helped me understand that I needed to be happy and grateful with who I am right now before I can try to be happy being successful.

Thanks man, I needed to hear that. I forget that sometimes! I'm glad you're doing well.
Glad to see you thriving too my dude, congrats on the 175 days and finishing your mid terms. Keep leading by example bro, your words have helped me a lot on this journey
 

Kid Gohan

Active Member
Day 9:

I missed meditation so much, I dont know why I stopped to begin with but I'm glad to be back.
Started meditating again over the last few days and I can notice a difference in my daily moods, even my girl says im much happier and relaxed about things. Some main topics in the books and podcasts I consume are affirmation and consistency, success in any area of requires belief and consistency, we always tend to judge ourselves too hard, forget the little things we should be grateful for and talk negatively about ourselves when things dont go our way.

I've decided to focus on the things I want to achieve instead of the things I dont like about myself. If we tell ourselves something everyday, soon enough we'll start believing it and attracting more of it into our lives.
 

Kid Gohan

Active Member
Day 18:

Life's been good recently, and I owe it to meditation.

I don't what happened lately but my whole point of view on my relationship improved for the better and I realized I dont want to ruin it. Ive listened to a few different podcasts especially this one which talks about mindset, meditation and mental self improvement and Ive picked up a few good tips, like to just "be in the moment when its time to do something, not focus or think about anything else other than what you're doing at the moment to always give your best" or something like that.

I want to have eyes for only her and Ill do that by being more open to her about what we both like sexually and try new things to keep it interesting. I think that's the best approach. This is also the first time I've thought about porn since a couple of days after my last post. I guess Ill just keep doing that and keep doing what I'm doing.

Mindset is key.
 

Blondie

Well-Known Member
You're doing great Lord Gohan. I like the attitude, and especially this "I want to have eyes for only her and Ill do that by being more open to her about what we both like sexually and try new things to keep it interesting. I think that's the best approach." This thought is important and is something I'm working on myself. One of the many big problems with porn, is that it makes sex a one way street, where it's only about our own desires, without any kind of real emotional connection with another person. Thus, it's easy for us to assume the other person should just "get it" in regards to what we want sexually, but life isn't like that!

You're killing it man!
 

Kid Gohan

Active Member
Day 22:

Its not always sunshine and rainbows when one looks to turn a new leaf.

One of my goals during this recovery has been to be 100% honest with my girl no matter what. I have been honest about what I did but the disappointment from her end is understandable and part of the process. Getting to a point where we're both more open about what we want will take time and effort, for now, I'll accept the disappointment and the consequences of my actions. I have meditated through any urges this morning to put my focus on the bigger picture.

Focus on what's in my control. We'll get there one step at a time.
 

Kid Gohan

Active Member
You're right Blondie, the lack of emotional connection got to me and made me realize just how important it is to have that connection. I'm currently reading "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill and just read a chapter that talks about how "Lack of controlled sexual urges" and "Lack of self discipline" are two of the biggest major causes of failure in ones life, along with 28 others. Those two hit me the hardest as I could relate on a strong level. I'm ready to put in the work it takes to improve my relationship. It might not be easy but it'll be worth it
 

Kid Gohan

Active Member
Day 28:
Damn, its already been a month?

Life is good and I plan to keep it like this and better.

I'm learning more about myself and how I operate which has helped me improve myself in a lot of ways. Meditation has become such a key part to my life along with having a daily (more or less) journal to reflect and plan.

We only live this life once, so why not make the best of it?

Hope everyone has a great week!!
 

Kid Gohan

Active Member
Day 43:

The last relapse is still having some negative effects on me but I'm not taking it personally, its just the consequences of my actions.
No urges recently but also very low sex drive and sexual activity.

I've gone back to the gym and loving it and the only thing I can do about the low sex drive and effects of the relapse is work on myself some more.

As long as I'm consistent with what I need to do and my journey to recovery, I'm not worried.
Its a matter of time and consistency.
 

Kid Gohan

Active Member
Day 46:

What a roller coaster the last 2 weeks have been.
  • Went through a slump at work
  • Did a bit of travelling around the country
  • The devil tempted me (Was seduced while out of town) but I didn't take the bait
  • Havent had sex in just under 2 weeks (and counting)
Through all that, I managed to
  • keep meditating
  • took some time off for my mental health
  • got back to the gym
  • focus on what is in my control.

I'm absolutely proud of how far I've come. I'm choosing to focus on the journey and everything I learn along the way. Sex is amazing but its not everything.

We only have this one life, why not make the best of it?
Why should we not try to be the best version of ourselves?
Why don't we step outside our comfort zones and see what we can achieve?

Fuck porn, Carpe Fucking Diem!!
 
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