Journey to a better me

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Day 2:

Had a decent day, no urges or temptations. Going easy on my routines for the next couple of days to re-assess and improve.

I want to put more of a focus on my relationship, we went through a lot in the first couple years which left me with some feelings of resentment for a while and constantly thinking of an exit strategy for "when the time is right". Things have been going well recently, we barely ever argue anymore and have both matured from where we used to be, we understand each other a lot better and communication has definitely improved too. I want to put in more of an effort to make this last and not just think about myself and my selfish needs.
 
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Day 8:

I think this relapse was a blessing in disguise, I feel like It's taught myself and how to better move forward.
I haven't been 100% happy with everything for at least a few months so I've been focusing on coding to distract me. I listened to a new podcast recently and it helped me understand that I needed to be happy and grateful with who I am right now before I can try to be happy being successful.

Getting back to meditation a couple of times a day and daily affirmations to reinforce positive thinking and beliefs.
The secret to mastering anything is repetition and consistency. I just need to stick to the basics and go at it one day at a time
 

Blondie

Respected Member
it helped me understand that I needed to be happy and grateful with who I am right now before I can try to be happy being successful.

Thanks man, I needed to hear that. I forget that sometimes! I'm glad you're doing well.
 
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it helped me understand that I needed to be happy and grateful with who I am right now before I can try to be happy being successful.

Thanks man, I needed to hear that. I forget that sometimes! I'm glad you're doing well.
Glad to see you thriving too my dude, congrats on the 175 days and finishing your mid terms. Keep leading by example bro, your words have helped me a lot on this journey
 
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Day 9:

I missed meditation so much, I dont know why I stopped to begin with but I'm glad to be back.
Started meditating again over the last few days and I can notice a difference in my daily moods, even my girl says im much happier and relaxed about things. Some main topics in the books and podcasts I consume are affirmation and consistency, success in any area of requires belief and consistency, we always tend to judge ourselves too hard, forget the little things we should be grateful for and talk negatively about ourselves when things dont go our way.

I've decided to focus on the things I want to achieve instead of the things I dont like about myself. If we tell ourselves something everyday, soon enough we'll start believing it and attracting more of it into our lives.
 
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Day 18:

Life's been good recently, and I owe it to meditation.

I don't what happened lately but my whole point of view on my relationship improved for the better and I realized I dont want to ruin it. Ive listened to a few different podcasts especially this one which talks about mindset, meditation and mental self improvement and Ive picked up a few good tips, like to just "be in the moment when its time to do something, not focus or think about anything else other than what you're doing at the moment to always give your best" or something like that.

I want to have eyes for only her and Ill do that by being more open to her about what we both like sexually and try new things to keep it interesting. I think that's the best approach. This is also the first time I've thought about porn since a couple of days after my last post. I guess Ill just keep doing that and keep doing what I'm doing.

Mindset is key.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
You're doing great Lord Gohan. I like the attitude, and especially this "I want to have eyes for only her and Ill do that by being more open to her about what we both like sexually and try new things to keep it interesting. I think that's the best approach." This thought is important and is something I'm working on myself. One of the many big problems with porn, is that it makes sex a one way street, where it's only about our own desires, without any kind of real emotional connection with another person. Thus, it's easy for us to assume the other person should just "get it" in regards to what we want sexually, but life isn't like that!

You're killing it man!
 
D

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Day 22:

Its not always sunshine and rainbows when one looks to turn a new leaf.

One of my goals during this recovery has been to be 100% honest with my girl no matter what. I have been honest about what I did but the disappointment from her end is understandable and part of the process. Getting to a point where we're both more open about what we want will take time and effort, for now, I'll accept the disappointment and the consequences of my actions. I have meditated through any urges this morning to put my focus on the bigger picture.

Focus on what's in my control. We'll get there one step at a time.
 
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You're right Blondie, the lack of emotional connection got to me and made me realize just how important it is to have that connection. I'm currently reading "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill and just read a chapter that talks about how "Lack of controlled sexual urges" and "Lack of self discipline" are two of the biggest major causes of failure in ones life, along with 28 others. Those two hit me the hardest as I could relate on a strong level. I'm ready to put in the work it takes to improve my relationship. It might not be easy but it'll be worth it
 
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Day 28:
Damn, its already been a month?

Life is good and I plan to keep it like this and better.

I'm learning more about myself and how I operate which has helped me improve myself in a lot of ways. Meditation has become such a key part to my life along with having a daily (more or less) journal to reflect and plan.

We only live this life once, so why not make the best of it?

Hope everyone has a great week!!
 
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Day 43:

The last relapse is still having some negative effects on me but I'm not taking it personally, its just the consequences of my actions.
No urges recently but also very low sex drive and sexual activity.

I've gone back to the gym and loving it and the only thing I can do about the low sex drive and effects of the relapse is work on myself some more.

As long as I'm consistent with what I need to do and my journey to recovery, I'm not worried.
Its a matter of time and consistency.
 
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Day 46:

What a roller coaster the last 2 weeks have been.
  • Went through a slump at work
  • Did a bit of travelling around the country
  • The devil tempted me (Was seduced while out of town) but I didn't take the bait
  • Havent had sex in just under 2 weeks (and counting)
Through all that, I managed to
  • keep meditating
  • took some time off for my mental health
  • got back to the gym
  • focus on what is in my control.

I'm absolutely proud of how far I've come. I'm choosing to focus on the journey and everything I learn along the way. Sex is amazing but its not everything.

We only have this one life, why not make the best of it?
Why should we not try to be the best version of ourselves?
Why don't we step outside our comfort zones and see what we can achieve?

Fuck porn, Carpe Fucking Diem!!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Glad you're doing well my man. It looks like you're on a journey of discovery within yourself, to see what you are really capable of.

"We only have this one life, why not make the best of it?
Why should we not try to be the best version of ourselves?
Why don't we step outside our comfort zones and see what we can achieve?"


I love it these, especially this

Sex is amazing but its not everything.

Great job moving on after that last bump in the road. Almost 50 days clean!
 
D

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Day 52:

I've been reading "Think and grow rich" by Napoleon Hill recently. one of the chapters talks about sex and how we view it as a society.
We're only ever taught about safe sex but nothing past the physical level but never how to manage our natural sexual desires.

My take-awayfrom this is that sex is more than physical attraction, its more than ass, titties and the constant need to bust a nut.
For me, this journey is about overcoming this and mastering and channeling sexual energy to improve quality of life where necessary.

I've sort of been practicing this over the last few weeks and reading about in this book has confirmed that I'm on the right path and to keep doing what I'm doing.

I want to get to a point soon where I'm no longer counting days since my last relapse, where I'm in control of my mind and body and sexual urges have no effects on me.

There has been a lot of factors that played into me not having sex for the past few weeks. I'm grateful for that as it gave me time to practice self-control, my emotions when I dont get what I want and overall made me calmer and more focused on important things like gym, coding and life in genral.

I'm still not where I'd like to be, but I'm proud of the progress I've made so far and everything I'm learning along the way.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey Gohan, I too have read that book, and it's a great one. That chapter about sexual transmutation is my favorite from the book, and I've read it many times over the years.

You are absolutely right, there is more to this life than just momentary sexual pleasure, even of the proper kind with a real beautiful woman. Life is more than just chasing after ten seconds of fleeting orgasmic release. Over the years, even before I officially decided to quit looking at porn, I have given that chapter a through reading and have implemented its philosophy into my life, usually for two months at a time.

I would decide on a goal, and put all my efforts into it with all my heart and soul, and would visualize what I wanted to achieve at the two months' end. During this time I would still have sex with my lady, but no ejaculating at the end, and obviously no porn. Having that kind of energy in your body and moving it towards a goal is something I will never forget. Right after sex was the time when I would naturally feel the most inspired, because I was working on my goal while practically having a boner in my pants! Hell, just writing that makes me think I should do this again :)

Let's face it, women are the greatest thing in the world. I can't think of a moment of improvement in my life, where their inspiration was not far behind it. Just a smile, a curve, how they walk, their natural feminine empathy, can get me inspired for days. To work on a goal, and to approach it with that energy running through your body (quite literally!) can change your world. Because in the end, it's like you're making love to your passion. That kind of energy, should never be wasted!

Great job on 52 days of no porn.
 
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Thats amazing Blondie, Im glad at least one person understands this.
Just writing that makes me think I should do this again. Do it!! sounds like it really did wonders for you.

That chapter caught me offguard and its my favourite too, Im about to read it again before moving onto the next one.
I definitely agree that the last few weeks have been my most productive, I stopped smoking weed again, quit vaping a few days ago and I've been learning and working like fine a tuned machine.

Women are frickin amazing and to be honest I'm sure the main reason most men thrive to succeed in life is for women (I know thats true for me and a few other people I know).

I love the energy I have at the moment and dammit I dont want to lose this feeling
 
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Day 60:

Still going strong, sex and anything related hasn't been a priority but rather using the energy I get from it to boost my productivity.
 
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