My Journey to Reboot

[Rebel79]

Hey everyone,

I‘m 42 yrs old, been married for 16yrs and since I was a teenager been a porn addict. For my entire marriage I ignored my wife, refused to have sex with her, lied and tore down her self esteem. All my attention was towards porn and being 100% selfish. In September of last year my wife finally caught me. By this point it had gotten so bad that I had also cheated on her. I want to overcome this destructive behavior and fix my marriage. I want to be the best version of me and a better husband to my amazing wife. I’ve been on a 60 day streak but everyday is a struggle and I know I can’t do this alone. I feel so much guilt and despair for what I’ve done and hate the person I was. I never want to be that person again and want to change.

 

[Cmax]

Hi Rebel, forgive yourself and enlist your wife to help beat this thing! My wife has been great helping me with support and no pressure! Read the book Your brain on porn and follow the suggestions stated in the book! We all make mistakes so forgive yourself and start being great!

 

[Rebel79]

Thanks Cmax, I just got the book on audible and will start listening to it. Any other advice you have would be greatly appreciated. My wife has been understanding and patient with me. I have a long road to go but I finally feel like I can do it with help.

 

[Cmax]

Yes you can! We both can and will!

 

[Rebel79]

One of the terrible things I did to my wife was a friend of ours, who is very attractive, I had started obsessing about her and fantasizing about seeing her naked and paid attention to her instead of my wife. Would by her gifts, referred to her as my Second wife. Did anything she wanted to do instead of my wife. I completely ignored and obsessed with her. I was trying to see her naked but I don’t think I would have actually ever done anything with her. Anyone else had problems like this or am I just a horrible husband?

 

[Cmax]

I agree it is not very nice, I found that eliminating obsessions, visions and fantasies is helping my reboot......but man it is a chore, but deep breathing, cold shower and mental deletions keep me straight!!!

 

[Rebel79]

Day 65: So I went to my first meeting last night on SMART. It was so helpful to hear others share and I was able to share my story and get some good suggestions on how to overcome this. I also started the book Your Brain on Porn and has been very insightful. I really feel hopeful finally and know I can do this. I’m feeling good and a lot more positive today.

 

[Cmax]

Day 65: So I went to my first meeting last night on SMART. It was so helpful to hear others share and I was able to share my story and get some good suggestions on how to overcome this. I also started the book Your Brain on Porn and has been very insightful. I really feel hopeful finally and know I can do this. I’m feeling good and a lot more positive today.

You will heal yourself........I never thought porn could alter bodily functions! When you realize how mental stress stimulates hormone production, you can see how porn can too! That book will change your life!

 

[Rebel79]

Thank you so much for the recommendation, I am loving the book and it has really opened my mind to so much.

 

[Rookie]

One of the terrible things I did to my wife was a friend of ours, who is very attractive, I had started obsessing about her and fantasizing about seeing her naked and paid attention to her instead of my wife. Would by her gifts, referred to her as my Second wife. Did anything she wanted to do instead of my wife. I completely ignored and obsessed with her. I was trying to see her naked but I don’t think I would have actually ever done anything with her. Anyone else had problems like this or am I just a horrible husband?

I have been a born again Christian for over 21 yrs. And one policy I have told my wife when we got married in 2004, was that I would not have another woman if she's not related in the passenger seat of my vehicle, if I don't have a witness. All this because I know my heart. If I am having a difficult time in my marriage, and that woman sitting next to me has an interest in me...who knows where it could eventually land.

So no, you're not the only one. I absolutely know I could be doing it just as easy as you did. You MUST put safeguards on what you see as weaknesses.

Good on you for fighting back. Just know, you're in a fight. But if you keep the gloves on, and keep getting up...it eventually does get better. Some of us, takes a few days, some a few weeks, and I personally crashed into viewing again after a couple hundred days my first reboot attempt.

This time, I plan on beating it. I have noticed too much difference when watching, and not watching.

All this to say, welcome to the board, and no, you're not alone in the fight, nor in your behavior / thoughts.

 

[Rebel79]

So this week has been a really good week. Me and my wife are talking more and been doing really good at being honest with her. She sees that I’m trying and told me her nightmares have stopped. I’m feeling much better and have taken steps to block stuff on my phone so I can’t get to it. I’m on day 71 and feeling good, finished reading Your Brain on Porn and feel so much better now.

 

[Cmax]

Very cool!

 

[Rebel79]

So in my meeting a way to deal with urges is to make an urge wheel. Is anyone familiar with this? The idea is you put things on the wheel some you would like to do and some you wouldn’t. When you have an urge you spin the wheel and do whatever it lands on. I’m struggling with what to put on my wheel. What would you guys put on yours?

still having problems getting a accountability partner and I find that right now in order to keep myself from sliding back I’m just trying to keep my mind busy with other things. What are some ways to deal with those feelings that have worked for you?

 

[Cmax]

Exercise ...housework.......go for a walk....call a friend...maybe someone you haven't talked to in awhile........write in a journal why you were triggered.......meditation.......post on reboot nation.........I like that wheel idea! Good luck brother reboot nation is here for you!

 

[Rebel79]

So struggling with urges today. Me and my wife are trying to quit smoking which is proving very difficult for me in addition to kicking the porn addiction as well. I’m trying to stay strong but I know we are in for a rough ride. We both get irritated with one another when we try quitting before and really causes more stress. But smoking is affecting not only our health but finances as well. I find myself right now at lunch at work really wanting a cigarette and then really wanting to start surfing on my phone. This sucks.

 

[Noah]

Hey everyone,

I‘m 42 yrs old, been married for 16yrs and since I was a teenager been a porn addict. For my entire marriage I ignored my wife, refused to have sex with her, lied and tore down her self esteem. All my attention was towards porn and being 100% selfish. In September of last year my wife finally caught me. By this point it had gotten so bad that I had also cheated on her. I want to overcome this destructive behavior and fix my marriage. I want to be the best version of me and a better husband to my amazing wife. I’ve been on a 60 day streak but everyday is a struggle and I know I can’t do this alone. I feel so much guilt and despair for what I’ve done and hate the person I was. I never want to be that person again and want to change.

Hey buddy. Your story sounds a lot like mine. I'm here for you if you ever want to talk. I'm only a few days clean and could also use the support and encouragement. Either way, keep up the good work. You're doing great!

 

[Rookie]

Hey buddy. Your story sounds a lot like mine. I'm here for you if you ever want to talk. I'm only a few days clean and could also use the support and encouragement. Either way, keep up the good work. You're doing great!

For both of you, if you want accountability partners, PM me...I will gladly help when I can. I'm not on the forum as often as I would like, but if I know I'm helping a couple of brothers out, I'll make more effort.

 

[JerryTX]

Welcome and good luck in your journey. This site you will find support and also lot's of good information. Keep journaling and press on in this journey. Lots of good information here to assist you! Stay strong brother and do it for yourself first and I think you'll be surprised how much that will effect your relationship with your wife.

 

[Rebel79]

Had to stay home today and it’s been rough, every time I was alone I’d look at P and spend the day PMO’ing. This is the first time I‘ve been home alone for the day and the urges are coming on strong today. Trying to make it through the day today.

 

[Rebel79]

Today was a really good day. Me and my wife went to visit a friend and we actually sung together in the car like we use to. Then when we got back home we had a date night and watched a movie. It felt so good today and she told me that she see’s my progress. She told me the other night that as long as she see’s me fighting then she will fight with me to get us to a good place. That meant so much and has strengthened my resolve and motivated me so much more to stick to this. I’m feeling so good tonight.