My Journey to Reboot

DavS

Active Member
Learn from my mistakes. Be honest with her. It may make things worse in the short run, but it’s the only way to real progress.
 

Rebel79

Member
So last couple of days have been rough for me. We had the big discussion about my emotional affair I had with my best (female) friend and how it didn’t happen because of anything she did wrong but because of my own insecurities and baggage. Of course she wanted to know why I didn’t turn to her when she was giving me the support I needed and why she wasn’t good enough. This cut me to my core. I was such a idiot and so clueless. She says she doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to move on from this. I desperately want to reconcile things and be able to fix our marriage but right now is looking not so good. But silver lining I haven’t backslid into PMO so small victories right? Anyways just needed to get that off my chest. I really appreciate all of you.
 

Noah

Member
First off, congratulations on not backsliding. Another guy on here was talking about having to separate porn addiction from marriage problems, even when they are intertwined. One of them you can control, another one depends on another person. I'm glad you can feel good about your continued abstention despite the problems going on with your wife.

I'm happy to chat more with you about your marriage problems - and share some of my own. But in the meantime, I'll just say you should feel great about continuing to be PMO-free. I think that's a BIG victory.
 

Rebel79

Member
First off, congratulations on not backsliding. Another guy on here was talking about having to separate porn addiction from marriage problems, even when they are intertwined. One of them you can control, another one depends on another person. I'm glad you can feel good about your continued abstention despite the problems going on with your wife.

I'm happy to chat more with you about your marriage problems - and share some of my own. But in the meantime, I'll just say you should feel great about continuing to be PMO-free. I think that's a BIG victory.
Thanks brother, I appreciate your help and guidance more than you know. I’m equally here for you.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
So last couple of days have been rough for me. We had the big discussion about my emotional affair I had with my best (female) friend and how it didn’t happen because of anything she did wrong but because of my own insecurities and baggage. Of course she wanted to know why I didn’t turn to her when she was giving me the support I needed and why she wasn’t good enough. This cut me to my core. I was such a idiot and so clueless. She says she doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to move on from this. I desperately want to reconcile things and be able to fix our marriage but right now is looking not so good. But silver lining I haven’t backslid into PMO so small victories right? Anyways just needed to get that off my chest. I really appreciate all of you.
Dealing with marriage problems myself right now so I am really feeling you here. It hasn't sent me back either and I'm feeling stronger because of it. When it comes down to it, no matter what has happened in our relationships, it is still up to us and only us to solve this issue. Support is great, it makes things easier. But for me, all the baggage in my marriage would just hold back my recovery. Some of my biggest problems in my relationship stem from my wife wanting to control everything, what money I spend, how I spend my time, how I eat, exercise and more. It's exhausting. I can't have her telling me how to fix this. If it was her supporting me, that would be great, but believe me that is not how it would go.

So, good luck with your marriage. I'm not sure mine is something I can save and I'm really questioning if I want to save it at all. I'm tired. Just like I was tired of the porn life. I had enough. I'm feeling that way about my marriage right now as well.
 

Rebel79

Member
It’s really important for us to take a hard look around us and really reevaluate our feelings and relationships. If she isn’t making you feel like an equal then it’s definitely worth taking a hard look at. I’m here for you man. Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. I got you man!
 

Rebel79

Member
Had a great weekend wife my wife and was able to be intimate with her. My sex drive was in overdrive and I’ve noticed that even after O I am still erect and able to keep going. Recovery works guys! So much has already changed since I’ve been PMO free. I’m starting day 162 of my recovery and for the first time I have 100% confidence in being able to get past this. I feel like a new man.
 

DavS

Active Member
Rebel you are getting past it. Just beware of the pitfalls, don’t look back as if you are missing something. You are not.
 

Rebel79

Member
This week has been good, no slip ups and still PMO free. 168 days in and I realized that I still have a long way to go with rebuilding trust with my wife. Because I never came clean on my own, now that I’ve got all these things in place it’s harder for me to slip up so I don’t have the opportunity to come clean when it happens. Difficult thing to hear but it’s true. Just need to find ways to build that trust back.
 

guiganvoger

Active Member
Everything happens with time. As long as you keep staying active and showing commitment to your recovery, trust will be built in small amounts every day. 168 days is awesome! That shows real commitment.
 

Rebel79

Member
So I fucked up today. Luckily it doesn’t have to do with PMO but my wife had told me numerous times that I need to stay in my current job to build up work history. And now for the 3rd time I applied for other jobs. I keep doing impulsive things and not thinking about how it will affect her. I’m so mad at myself and she got really mad and left to go out. She said she may be back today. She also disabled the safety stuff on my digital devices and said she doesn’t care what I do anymore. Luckily I was able to enable them again so I don’t back slide but I’m still pretty pissed at myself right now. I want her to know that I don’t want to keep doing this and I need to figure what I can do to break this cycle of behavior. Anyways just needed to get that out. Think I’m going to start reading a new book I got about repairing trust. Hope you all are having a good weekend.
 

Rebel79

Member
So I’ve really done it. She’s hit her breaking point. Because I didn’t tell her about a slip up I had and have shown her that I don’t care about her needs by listening to others instead of what she NEEDED me to do, it’s done. I just want to crawl into a hole and die now. I have been so stupid and selfish. I was fooling myself thinking I was trying to fix things. I never changed that behavior. I’ve always been more concerned with myself then with her.
 

Rebel79

Member
Today was no better. I don’t think I’m going to recover from this. As I’m writing this she just sent me a text saying she hates me. She was my sole motivation for wanting to become better. Now I feel lost and without purpose. I still can’t access anything on my phone or tablet so no acting out there. Just feeling really low right now
 

Rebel79

Member
Today was much better day. I was able to be honest with my wife and have a very good discussion. She’s not leaving and will continue to fight but I have to fight too. I can’t lie and keep things from her. I’ve got some resources that should help with that.
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Hang in there Rebel79! Glad you all were able to talk and she needed some time it appears. It's never easy with the wife. Praying for you both
 

Rebel79

Member
So one thing I’m starting to come to terms with is how selfish I’ve been over the years. I need to be more aware of my thoughts and actions. Being mindful of others especially my wife needs to be my focus now. My want for things to be better is okay but trying to push that on her is not. She’s not ready and I have to be respectful of her feelings and boundaries. There is still a lot I haven’t come to terms with and not admitting to myself or my wife. I wasn’t treating her like I should have. I settled for her. That’s the reality of things and while yes it’s not how I feel now but it doesn’t change what I felt in the past. I can’t just erase or ignore the past. I have to deal with it and learn from it.
 

Rebel79

Member
Well did it again, lied to my wife and then went and masturbated out of shame and guilt. Only upside is that I was thinking of having sex with her when I did it and I stopped myself before I climaxed. I’m so upset at myself. She feels so betrayed and like she never mattered and it’s entirely my fault. She said she doesn’t think she will ever believe that I think of her anything other then a warm body and a paycheck.
 

guiganvoger

Active Member
It's easy at this point to talk yourself into falling back into bad habits. Just think of how far you have gone when you really put effort into it. You know that spiraling into porn use will not make you happy; you definitely don't want that on top of all your marriage problems. I'm sorry your going through hard times with your wife right now. That is some of the deepest hurt I know. You still got this!
 
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