Day 21: Hey, it's been a while but, holy cow I reached 3 weeks already, dang, time flies so fast. I feel much more alive now and seems like my life has more color and I feel much happier. Nofap really works trust me. I don't feel shitty anymore like when I'm still soaked in porn and in my first weeks of this journey.
In a week of my absence here in this forum, there are few things that happened. I went to school to submit some requirements about my shifting and taking my second dose of vaccine. I used to be nervous when going out and meet with other people but it never occurred here anymore. I no longer shake and stutter again. I can ask people questions if I need to (like the 17 y/o me).
In PMO dopamine overdosed and brain fog mode, I'm too shy to even ask questions before even excusing myself to the comfort room and just suffer the pain while holding my urine for 3 hours, holy shit. This happened to be 4 years ago but somehow overcome it 3 years ago at age 16 by using the 3-second method rule. This method helped me to kick shyness by talking before counting to three before the anxiety kicks in. When I learned that, I tried it first to excuse myself to the cr. I was sitting in my class, counted 1... 2... I stand up and asked my teacher if I can go out and then... It worked! She didn't bit me and the ground didn't crack and swallowed me! Nothing bad happened! My imagination just dooming me by thinking people will look at me and judge, something like that. I still use that method but rarely now. I used it to hire a taxi on the street weeks ago and that was the first time I rode a taxi alone at age 19. Seems like I'm learning how to be an adult later than my peers.
"We suffer more often in imagination than in reality." - Seneca
I can't talk to the girl that I like yet 'cause you know, quarantine, but I'm thinking of messaging her on FB. I need to change my profile pic first since it might not be noticed because it is an anime pic and she might think of it as "another dummy stalker account" lol. But the thing is I can't take a pic of myself, I have no pics in my cloud album, my phone is broken (I only have a laptop now) and I'm really unphotogenic. Waiting for my brother to come over is my only choice and borrow his phone. I hope I won't look like shit in the camera 'cause my face always ruins the mood in the reunion, celebrations, event pictures. Seeing those pictures first feels so happy and lively but not until you look at my face, I don't smile, and looks like I'm always mad.
About my art progress, well, I feel burnt out by practicing every day and I feel stuck by seeing no progress.