Journal for my reboot

96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
I’ve been watching porn since I was about 14. I’m 25 now and it has continued for over a decade. I’ve tried all sorts of ways to stop and I’ve always failed at some point. In recent years I’ve even gone a month or two without porn and then relapsed. Over the past two months I’ve been doing badly and watching porn most weeks so I’m going to start a journal here and try and post every day.

Things I need to avoid:

- Social media, primarily Twitter and Instagram (I don’t have Facebook)

- Taking my smartphone or my laptop into my bedroom

- peeking at an image and then using that as an excuse to carry on looking and binge on porn

- becoming too socially isolated
 
96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
August 5th

No relapses today. Came under intense stress because of an argument I had with the neighbours but I won’t resort to porn to deal with it. I’ll go around tomorrow and apologise.
 
96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
August 8th

No relapses the last couple of days although I felt tempted yesterday. Watched a TV programme instead then went to bed without my phone or laptop.
 
96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
August 12th

Fairly strong urges today. Got tempted to look at porn, went on to a page containing porn images but clicked away from it without looking. Need to polish my shoes for a job interview tomorrow so I'll do that before I go to bed and resist the urges.
 
96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
August 13th

Had a job interview earlier and today I’ve felt like looking at porn to combat the increased stress I feel in relation to that. I’m going to try and resist the urges and will be going to my dad’s house shortly to spend time with him.
 
96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
August 15th

Relapsed last night on day 11 of a streak. So I'm starting again today.

Yesterday evening I had an unhealthy takeaway meal and then felt bad about eating that when I'm trying to lose weight. So I think I'll avoid takeaways for now and then hopefully feel better about myself and won't want to feel better through porn.
 
96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
SuccessIsBreath said:
Good that you've identified the platforms / situations that lead you towards porn. The biggest helps for me in recent attempts have been quitting social media (who knew I wouldn't need Facebook to keep in touch with people?) and keeping my electronics out of my room. Keep it going.
Click to expand...
I also quit Facebook but Twitter is a bigger problem for me. 95% of my relapses have been through NSFW pages on Twitter when I’ve been alone. So now I’m trying to avoid using Twitter when alone or unsupervised. I deleted my account but still go on there sometimes.
 
96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
August 22nd

Relapsed again last night. Went out with a friend, got drunk and went on my phone when I came home. Browsed porn images for a few mins before deciding I didn't want to continue. But by then I had already relapsed, although being able to stop is perhaps progress of a kind.

Lessons from the night:

- Don't get drunk even on nights out
- Put my phone away immediately if I get home after drinking
 
96LostWanderer

96LostWanderer

Active Member
August 25th

Relapsed again during the night. Motivation is low and I feel like I just gave in. Wasn’t even supposed to be online so late according to the rules I made for myself.
 
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