Journal for my reboot

96LostWanderer

Active Member
8th December 2023

So I relapsed again last night. Just felt hopeless and like beating this thing is impossible, so I gave in.

Back to square one.
 

MapleSyrup

Member
Hi, I know it feels terrible after a relapse, and it's easy to give in and go on binges. Gotta dust yourself off, get up, and keep up the fight.

Just wanted to say it's inspiring to see your post history and how you never give up and keep trying again and posting here. Even if you relapse 4 times a month, that's still huge win compared to daily porn addiction.

Wishing you good luck
 

96LostWanderer

Active Member
@HappyNotFappy

Thank you for the supportive comment.

I have not relapsed today and my short term goal is to avoid porn and engage in healthy habits for the rest of the week. I ate a healthy lunch today and I will try to do the same tomorrow.
 

96LostWanderer

Active Member
9th March 2024

Currently about a day away from 2 weeks without porn. Things that seem to be going right at the moment:

- I'm not removing the blocker on my phone
- I'm socialising more frequently
- I'm checking in with my friend/accountability partner and celebrating milestones

It's still early days though so I will carry on being careful and practicing good behaviours.
 
Im Truly inspired by your tenacity to keep going even after relapsing a couple of times and all. Every time i relapse i go on a binge. It's like I'm paying myself for all the time i spent not watching P. I don't know how to battle that.
 

96LostWanderer

Active Member
Im Truly inspired by your tenacity to keep going even after relapsing a couple of times and all. Every time i relapse i go on a binge. It's like I'm paying myself for all the time i spent not watching P. I don't know how to battle that.
For me it's worth remembering that every day, even every hour, without porn counts, so instead of going on a binge, just get straight back on the wagon after a relapse
 
For me it's worth remembering that every day, even every hour, without porn counts, so instead of going on a binge, just get straight back on the wagon after a relapse
Counting every hour as a win. I never thought of it like that. I don't know how my mind always keeps tricking me into giving in.
 

96LostWanderer

Active Member
14th March 2024

18 days without porn. Feeling OK at the moment, still quite determined but I need to be careful because urges can come on strong at any time.
 

96LostWanderer

Active Member
17th March 2024

Hitting 3 weeks without porn. This is the longest I’ve managed since 2022, but I’m not trying to get too hung up on obsessing about days or streaks. I just want to continue to try and get used to living this way.

I am feeling more calm lately and waking up without the depressing, dirty feeling of knowing I relapsed the night before. Sometimes I feel emotionally flat though.
 

96LostWanderer

Active Member
20th March 2024

Relapsed for the first time in March. Just need to avoid binging now. Often when I relapse I feel hopeless and relapse more times in the following days. I must try to see this as the start of another good clean spell.
 

96LostWanderer

Active Member
22nd March 2024

Yeah, I relapsed again last night. The same thing happened I was talking about - when relapsing after a long streak I lose motivation and relapse some more.
 

MapleSyrup

Member
Keep it up brother.

Is there anything you can do to prevent situations where you're prone to relapse?

Like not taking your phone to bed, or working out at night to burn off excess energy?
 

96LostWanderer

Active Member
Keep it up brother.

Is there anything you can do to prevent situations where you're prone to relapse?

Like not taking your phone to bed, or working out at night to burn off excess energy?

Not taking my phone to bed is a big one. Also not undoing the block function on my phone. I have social media blocked and sometimes remove the blocker to look at posts on social media about a subject I’m interested in. But I then get tempted to search for NSFW material on social media - if I didn’t remove the blocker I wouldn’t be able to do it.
 
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