Journal for my reboot

96LostWanderer

Active Member
October 10th 2021

No relapses today - Day 4

Had a few strong urges earlier in the day. But I made a big step this evening by going to my first SAA meeting. I actually found it better than I was expecting, so I think I’ll go to some more. Seeing other pretty ordinary guys struggling with the same sorts of issues as me was a big revelation. I didn’t know what to expect when I went in but the sense of support and togetherness was quite touching. I’m glad I went along.
 

96LostWanderer

Active Member
October 12th 2021

Again, felt quite a few big urges to look at porn but avoided relapse using my willpower - Day 6.

Also avoided drinking alcohol at home for a number of days.
 

96LostWanderer

Active Member
Last night was terrible. Stayed up most of the night bingeing after a week clean. This is even after going to my first SAA meeting a couple of days ago. This addiction is really making me miserable. I’m doubling down even harder in fighting this thing from now on.

One step I am going to take - place my phone and charger in a different room of the house and close the door on it when the rest of my family go to bed. That way I won’t be alone with my phone. I have a blocker on my laptop already but no such thing seems to exist for iPhone except the in-built content restrictions function which is too easy to reverse.
 

Ruthless

Member
October 19th 2021

Relapsed again
Anytime there’s an urge to watch porn, think bout how miserable you feel after. I sometimes come on here to read other journals and covers with others so I don’t fall off track. I’ve been able to go 2 months without M, deactivated my Snapchat, ig too but I find myself downloading Twitter again everytime. I find myself going through profiles of random ladies which makes me yearn for PMO. Anytime there’s an urge, I remind myself how bad I want to break free and how miserable I feel after. I don’t trust myself but each time I stay PMO free, I feel proud and then remind myself of the ultimate goal
 

96LostWanderer

Active Member
Anytime there’s an urge to watch porn, think bout how miserable you feel after. I sometimes come on here to read other journals and covers with others so I don’t fall off track. I’ve been able to go 2 months without M, deactivated my Snapchat, ig too but I find myself downloading Twitter again everytime. I find myself going through profiles of random ladies which makes me yearn for PMO. Anytime there’s an urge, I remind myself how bad I want to break free and how miserable I feel after. I don’t trust myself but each time I stay PMO free, I feel proud and then remind myself of the ultimate goal

Thanks for the response. I will keep trying to remind myself that the relapses are hurting me in the long run. But in the short term, sometimes the urge comes on so strong and you think you’ll just feel better if you look at porn. Then as soon as you’re finished the shame sets in, almost instantly.
 

96LostWanderer

Active Member
I’m going to make a promise to people reading this thread. I won’t look at porn for the rest of October. I’m going to make that my initial goal. I don’t like breaking promises so I’m hoping this will keep me accountable.
 
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