Adventure of a lifetime - The sobriety chain

Hello people

I am a 34 year old married man. I have spent the last two decades expending my life on this meaningless, unworthy, and disastrous addiction. Like most people here, PMO had left me a weak man and has stripped me of my composure, of my vitality, of my intelligence, and taken completely over my life only to make a mess of it.

I have tried to reboot countless times in the past but have always relapsed. But here I am giving it another go and countless more because I DON'T WANNA DIE A COWARD. I'm gonna fight this no matter where I go with this. No matter if I fail every single time. This moment, right now, I've decided to fight till my dying breath if I have to.

I would like a companion in this journey. I'm creating this Sobriety chain. My companion and I will post alternatively for 365 days in this very thread. If I or my companion were to relapse we start again from day 0. We talk out in times of desperation but we hang in strong.

So let me know if any of you guys would like to join me on this journey. If I don't find anyone, I'll start this journey alone, finding inspiration, motivation, and thus the drive to continue from this forum and fellow voyagers.
 
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Hello people

My name is Yug. I am a 34 year old married man. I have spent the last two decades expending my life on this meaningless, unworthy, and disastrous addiction. Like most people here, PMO had left me a weak man and has stripped me of my composure, of my vitality, of my intelligence, and taken completely over my life only to make a mess of it.

I have tried to reboot countless times in the past but have always relapsed. But here I am giving it another go and countless more because I DON'T WANNA DIE A COWARD. I'm gonna fight this no matter where I go with this. No matter if I fail every single time. This moment, right now, I've decided to fight till my dying breath if I have to.

I would like a companion in this journey. I'm creating this Sobriety chain. My companion and I will post alternatively for 365 days in this very thread. If I or my companion were to relapse we start again from day 0. We talk out in times of desperation but we hang in strong.

So let me know if any of you guys would like to join me on this journey. If I don't find anyone, I'll start this journey alone, finding inspiration, motivation, and thus the drive to continue from this forum and fellow voyagers.
did u had succselfull penetrate sex? when ur ed started?
 

Wolfman

Active Member
Hello people

My name is Yug. I am a 34 year old married man. I have spent the last two decades expending my life on this meaningless, unworthy, and disastrous addiction. Like most people here, PMO had left me a weak man and has stripped me of my composure, of my vitality, of my intelligence, and taken completely over my life only to make a mess of it.

I have tried to reboot countless times in the past but have always relapsed. But here I am giving it another go and countless more because I DON'T WANNA DIE A COWARD. I'm gonna fight this no matter where I go with this. No matter if I fail every single time. This moment, right now, I've decided to fight till my dying breath if I have to.

I would like a companion in this journey. I'm creating this Sobriety chain. My companion and I will post alternatively for 365 days in this very thread. If I or my companion were to relapse we start again from day 0. We talk out in times of desperation but we hang in strong.

So let me know if any of you guys would like to join me on this journey. If I don't find anyone, I'll start this journey alone, finding inspiration, motivation, and thus the drive to continue from this forum and fellow voyagers.
Hey jainyugal87, I commend you for your awesome willingness to beat this thing! I hear you say a lot about what you don't want, but you also need, even more, to say what you do want. So my question is, what do you want? What does the PMO-free life of you look like? And if you say that it's going to look exactly the same just without the porn, then I am highly skeptical of your success.

I wish you plenty of strength and power on this journey. Keep coming back to this journal and post your progress.
 
Hey jainyugal87, I commend you for your awesome willingness to beat this thing! I hear you say a lot about what you don't want, but you also need, even more, to say what you do want. So my question is, what do you want? What does the PMO-free life of you look like? And if you say that it's going to look exactly the same just without the porn, then I am highly skeptical of your success.

I wish you plenty of strength and power on this journey. Keep coming back to this journal and post your progress.
You're right! Visualization of life without PMO is very important. And although I do think of it time and again but not with the fervor I should. Tell you what, I'll make sure to mention atleast one thing about what I look forward to in a life without PMO in my posts henceforth.
Appreciate your checkin in.
 
So far so good.

Although, I'm feeling blank for most part I can sence some clarity in my thoughts. Weakness still lingers and I think it best to gather some energy this week and start with routine work out from next week.

I'm so looking forward to having a good physique and a fit body.
 

yogi

Active Member
Hi Yug
Now make this fitness thing the goal of your life.
Break the habit because you want that physique.

The key here is replacing a bad habit with a good one.
 
Hi Yug
Now make this fitness thing the goal of your life.
Break the habit because you want that physique.

The key here is replacing a bad habit with a good one.
Yes.

I've been seeing video blogs of guys who've been into nofap since a while now and their composure, the steadiness in their speech, their body language, their fitness is truly very inspiring and motivating.

I will be starting cycling in coming week.
Enroute to achieve a fit body and good physique.
thanks for checkin in buddy. :)
 
Checkin in.

Insanely busy day. Nights are restless these days. It is my mind which is so hardwired to j off right before sleeping that it's gonna take a while to adapt to this change. Tried a cold shower in the morning today. Think I could get used to it in a few days. It's very refreshing and I feel that it helps alleviate lethargy.

That's about it for the day.
Stay strong fellow voyagers.
 
I tripped.

Guess on what ... a simple mail of a dating website but I guess it started before that. Tried to fight the urge for a while but eventually gave in. One of the silliest mistakes we make on this journey I believe is believing we're invulnerable.

Day 0.
 

AJM

Active Member
Hey Yug ,
Relapses are very common and essential I must say in the reboot journey.
They make you realize why you started at the first place .
Dont get disheartened by them, you will eventually realize their importance.
Steel up youself for the journey ahead.
more power to you.
 

Orbiter

Well-Known Member
I tripped.

Guess on what ... a simple mail of a dating website but I guess it started before that. Tried to fight the urge for a while but eventually gave in. One of the silliest mistakes we make on this journey I believe is believing we're invulnerable.

Day 0.
Sorry to hear of your recent difficulties Yugal. AJMs got it right on all points though.

As an additional thought, I feel sometimes in our determination to overcome this addiction, we tend to build an unhealthy emotional attachment to the 'current' streak we're on. We tell ourselves that this streak is THE streak, our ticket to freedom out of this after all these years blahblahblah and that we HAVE to make this one work...

...so when we lapse just once, we completely miss out on the very important chance to learn something about ourselves, why we do this and what can be done next time, and instead go down the binge spiral to deal with the grief over our precious 'lost' streak, all the emotions, hopes & dreams we attached to it.

It happens all the time on these forums and it is one of the worst false beliefs in recovery one can have. I've seen countless others do it, I personally have thrown away years of my life doing it and I hope, with this in mind, you can avoid doing the same and steer well clear of this trap.

Any progress with the cycling so far?
 
Sorry to hear of your recent difficulties Yugal. AJMs got it right on all points though.

As an additional thought, I feel sometimes in our determination to overcome this addiction, we tend to build an unhealthy emotional attachment to the 'current' streak we're on. We tell ourselves that this streak is THE streak, our ticket to freedom out of this after all these years blahblahblah and that we HAVE to make this one work...

...so when we lapse just once, we completely miss out on the very important chance to learn something about ourselves, why we do this and what can be done next time, and instead go down the binge spiral to deal with the grief over our precious 'lost' streak, all the emotions, hopes & dreams we attached to it.

It happens all the time on these forums and it is one of the worst false beliefs in recovery one can have. I've seen countless others do it, I personally have thrown away years of my life doing it and I hope, with this in mind, you can avoid doing the same and steer well clear of this trap.

Any progress with the cycling so far?
Thank you!

This is truly insightful. It has been my tendency too. When I started this streak I was dead sure I was gonna go 365 days without a relapse. But after reading your comment I get a better perspective of all that happened.

Thankfully, this time around I wasn't too overwhelmed by relapse for it to turn into a binge spiral.

I am out of town for a couple of days so it wasn't possible to cycle. Will start once back home. I've noticed when I'm out of town, my behavior isn't driven by compulsion somehow. I don't think of PMO. A typical habit thing I believe.

Thanks for checkin in buddy! I feel good to talk to a fellow voyager. :)
 
Hey Yug ,
Relapses are very common and essential I must say in the reboot journey.
They make you realize why you started at the first place .
Dont get disheartened by them, you will eventually realize their importance.
Steel up youself for the journey ahead.
more power to you.
Thank you AJM.

So true and something I feel I should contemplate over ... about how do relapses make us realise why we started in the first place. The better understanding we get of this fact, the less we'd be vulnerable to a spiral binge.

Thanks man! Appreciate you checkin in.
 
Day 2 ( 363 to go)
I haven't had much time to myself in the last two days and the thought of PMO hasn't
occurred to me yet. Not even when I was alone and could've succumbed. The urges hit the most when we don't have something substantial to do. And the last two days have kept me so much involved that the urges hasn't showed up yet.

Still recovering from weakness of excessive PMO. And looks like it's gonna take a while before I start feeling better and healthy. Will start working out daily in a couple of days which hopefully might escalate the recovery. Can't wait to feel fit.

That's that for the day.
Auf wiedersehen fellas ;-)
 

yogi

Active Member
Yug relapses are a part and parcel of recovery.
You will experience several relapses over the years.

But each time you pick yourself up and say "I'll restart and make every day count" slowly but surely you are rewiring your brain.

And a day will come when you will realise that you are able to consciously avoid a relapse. That is the mark of a rewired brain.

Continue the good fight. You will emerge victorious.
 
Day 0.

I relapsed on purpose. I was unwell and badly needed to have a good night's sleep. And I PMO'ed on purpose even when I had little desire so I could fall asleep immediately after but that didn't quite happen as it often usually does. I didn't sleep quite well and was up early in the morning so I PMO'ed again and then I did fell asleep for a good few hours. It is one sad thing to be using PMO as a medication but I did.
I also did it on purpose to normalise relapsing and restarting.

So here I am. Resetting.

Still under the weather but don't think I'm gonna feel any urge to PMO for a while.
 
Lost myself in a spree.
Indulged more than a couple of times in last 2 days. Not feeling disappointed though. Willing tk restart right away. Leaving for my town today. Will start cycling or running from tomorrow. Excited about it.
 
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