It's time to change

[Deleted member 23018]

Hey, I'm Sophie, 28 yo London girl. I guess it's time to accept that my life as it is can't go on the way it is. Not sure if I have a porn addiction or a 'regular' sex addiction, but I do know that porn had a huge impact on my life. Been watching porn since I early teens. First it was just curiosity I guess, but since my 15th or so I have been watching pretty much daily. From softcore to standard fucking to pretty rough hardcore. It impacted the rest of my life too: how I look, what I wear, how I act, my entire sex life. Not going to go into details, but looking at it rationally it's time to change.

It's not that I dislike who I have become or always dislike my life, but as I'm getting older I realize I just can't keep this up like this. I always thought I didn't mind having a reputation and all, but while most of my friends are getting serious with boyfriends, marrying, getting kids, I feel like I'm stuck. And there's other stuff too. Sometimes I'm sick of myself and feel like such a fuck-up. I think it's time to deal with my life.

 

[canguro]

Hey Sophie and welcome to the forum!
Have you already made a plan for your reboot? For me it's very important so change habits around P, like use of social media, sleeping times or filling spare time with satisfying activities or just practical stuff like doing things in the household, rearranging my apartment etc., meditate and so on.

 

[Deleted member 23018]

Thanx Canguro! Well, mainly reducing the sex and porn at this point. Managed to go 5 days without sex (was is a looooooong time for me) but went on Tinder last night and couldn't really help myself. Porn is off an on. Not having sex makes me want to masturbate more which often leads to watching porn and getting off. That's something I need to learn to deal with I guess. The fact that I'm having my holidays doesn't help a lot either

As for changing habits. I try to leave my phone alone more often (which is harder than it should) and ofcourse workout and go running. I have tried meditation, but that really isn't my thing I guess. For the rest I try to go to friends most evenings which does help me a lot and I decided I do need to change my wardrobe too

 

[canguro]

Workout is always very important on so many levels! Really helps to keep the mood up (at least for me that's very important as for depression).
About meditation: When I started last year in therapy it was very hard for me, because I just couldn't relax mentally and it was just stressfull. I think that's normal when one isnt used to it and your brain just doesnt know what to do with this doing-nothing. But for me it was really worth the effort to go on nonetheless and I soon saw that it went better and better. But I'm still doing guided meditation, without I can't to it yet.
But one can have the same result with slow yoga, at least one doesn't have to sit still then.

But in the end it's about finding out what are our triggers and for me it's mostly boredom and loneliness, yours are for sure different. And then to eliminate them.

PS: I would delete Tinder! =)

 

[Deleted member 23018]

Overall my mood is pretty solid, but sports do help me stay motivated. Sorry to hear about your depression, that must suck big time. Perhaps I will give meditation another shot if I can't do it without. I get the idea, but it's just not really me.

I don't really struggle with boredom or loneliness myself and not completely sure what my triggers are. For some reason I just need a lot of sex I guess and porn can be a vehicle for that when I'm at home. But perhaps that's a bit too simple

 

[Deleted member 23018]

No porn: day 3. No sex: day 0 I think I need to find a way to deal with sexual urges in a more healthy way. I have actually removed Tinder this morning which will probably help. And perhaps I should stick to just 3 or 4 FWB's at the moment so that I do get my needs met, but keep everything a bit less. One thing that doesn't help right now is that I'm going to Ibiza next week. Especially after the lockdown and all I had been really looking forward to that. And still do ofcourse. But it's the anticipation of clubbing, dancing and sex that def has effect on me at the moment. The good thing is that the three friends I'm going with are all in a relationship, so I doubt they go too wild. And I'm seriously considering leaving some of my clubbing dresses at home too. Not that I will dress like a churchgirl, but no dresses showing underboob and such. Going shopping with one of my girls this weekend, so I'm going to get some decent clothing

 

[CoolBreeze]

No porn: day 3. No sex: day 0 I think I need to find a way to deal with sexual urges in a more healthy way. I have actually removed Tinder this morning which will probably help. And perhaps I should stick to just 3 or 4 FWB's at the moment so that I do get my needs met, but keep everything a bit less. One thing that doesn't help right now is that I'm going to Ibiza next week. Especially after the lockdown and all I had been really looking forward to that. And still do ofcourse. But it's the anticipation of clubbing, dancing and sex that def has effect on me at the moment. The good thing is that the three friends I'm going with are all in a relationship, so I doubt they go too wild. And I'm seriously considering leaving some of my clubbing dresses at home too. Not that I will dress like a churchgirl, but no dresses showing underboob and such. Going shopping with one of my girls this weekend, so I'm going to get some decent clothing

I’m reading and referring to a good book called Sex Addiction 101. It addresses Sex Addiction and it’s subsets such as porn addiction cyber sex addiction dating apps etc. There are few sections dedicated to Sex Addiction and Women. I found it on Amazon.
Peace and Strength to you.

 

[Deleted member 23018]

Thanx CoolBreeze! After reading the description on Amazon and some reviews on GoodReads I've ordered it. Curious to find out a bit more and get some pointers

 

[CoolBreeze]

Thanx CoolBreeze! After reading the description on Amazon and some reviews on GoodReads I've ordered it. Curious to find out a bit more and get some pointers

The book was amazingly enlightening for me. Answered so many questions. Me being a recovering Alcoholic with 13 years sober. My favorite go to drink was Jack Daniels. My favorite go to as Sex Addict was Porn. Every addict has their thing their go to form of “Acting Out”. Hope the book helps.
Peace and Strength to you.

 

[Deleted member 23018]

No porn: day 4. No sex: day 1. I decided yesterday to go to my parents in Essex for a few days to take a bit of the pressure off. Had a very nice evening with them. I got texts from two FWB's to Netflix and chill. Honestly, I think I would have given in if I was still in London, so being here does help. In bed I reinstalled Tinder, but while chatting with some guys I decided to remove it again. I have a fun day planned. First a bit of running and will probably hit the beach later on. Maybe go shopping with my mom too.

I've decided to just have fun on Ibiza. Maybe not the best of choices, but during lockdown I have sooooo been looking forward to this. Just wanna go to the beach and clubbing and not holding back.

 

[Deleted member 23018]

No porn: day 5. No sex: day 2. Had a great day yesterday. The beach was really nice and just being at my parents with no care in the world feels great. Was tempted to watch porn when I went to bed, but was able to pull out. Gonna go the beach with a friend later on and then have diner and drinks with her and her BF.

 

[Deleted member 23018]

No porn: day 6. Diner and drinks got a bit out of hand and we went clubbing. Had to put my sex counter to zero. I've decided that I'm okay with that and that I would ditch the counter. After Ibiza I still want to change my sex life, but not having sex is absolutely not the goal. Still kept Tinder uninstalled though. In the meanwhile I went back to London today and had a nice shopping spree with a friend Going out for drinks later, but not planning on making it as crazy as last night.

 

[Deleted member 23018]

No porn: day 0. Had a great time yesterday having drinks with two of my friends. Too bad one of them had to head back to her hubby and the other one had to work today. I wasn't planning on going clubbing, but I was definitly in the right mood. Called another friend if she was going to come but she wasn't answering. Grown up friends suck

When I got home I decided it was the best of plans to get online and watch porn. That was hardly the greatest idea in history. I went on a four hour frenzie of porn and chatting and did a rerun this morning. Pretty tired and worn out now But I feel kinda sober now. 6 days was the longest no porn episode in a long while, so I guess that's positive. I'm sure I can beat that

 

[Deleted member 23018]

No porn: day 0. Not much to say about it. Perhaps it's because of Ibiza that I don't think it matters...Really really looking forward to Ibiza though. One more day and it's on!