Road to recovery

P

PornAddict

Member
Hi, whomever is reading this. I just joined and i must say it feels really comforting to have found a platform where there's people that are battling porn addiction too.

Here's my story :
I think i was first introduced to porn at around age 13, watching pornograohic shows on TV deep in the night. One of the shows Bikini Babes if i recall right. It quickly became a habit of mine to stay up late to watch these shows. Soon as i got a smartphone i started viewing pictures on the internet of Pstars. Shortly afterwards i turned to videos on Phub. I mostly watched solos at the time and would masturbate to them 2-3 times a week even tho i couldn't yet ejaculate. At 15 i had my first ever MO while viewing porn. That only made me wanna do more and more of it every day. Soon the solos weren't doing it for me and i began surfing for actual intercourse videos which amplified my experience. Looking back now I'm realizing that i was slowly being desensitized. Anyway, as a virgin who was scared to approach girls porn was like an escape to me. It made me feel like i could get women and sleep with them any time i wanted to. But the more i did it, the more i distanced myself from having any sexual relationship with a woman. I promised myself that i would stop with the P as soon as i lost my virginity as that's all i spent my adolescence worried about. Sure enough, i had a girlfriend at 17 who took my virginity. That didn't stop me tho. After having sex for the first time i continued to masturbate still. Sometimes i would MO so much that it would take days or even a week without having my erection. This took a toll on my sexual relationship as i couldn't get an erection at times so much that my girl thought she was the problem. Long story short, I've made countless attempts to stop this addiction but I've always found a way to convince my mind into relapsing. I'm currently 21 and i haven't MO-ed as many times as i have this year alone. The more i try to change the more i MO. I just wanna have an actual girlfriend, a fulfilling relationship with a female.
After discovering this website last week and saw how I'm not the only one trying to fight this I've yet again resolved to reboot and change my life. I'm on day 4 and honestly it hasnt been easy at all but i pledge to fight as we're all in this together
 
P

PornAddict

Member
After discovering this site back in 2021, i'm pretty sure i relapsed a day or two after posting the above thread and was too ashamed to come and admit it here. I led myself to believe that this is who i am and i just cant stop PMO. For the past year i have been doing PMO more times than i can count. I've been doing it in public toilets too. It got so bad that i would park the car at a park somewhere, get in the trunk and PMO. I didn't feel any guilt or self loathing anymore because i had led myself to believe that this is a part of who i am. That's why i haven't been frequenting this sight. I quickly forgot about it after i relapsed. Anyway, what brought me back here is that i really realize that i have a problem because i struggle to connect with any female i meet in real life. I have replaced my desire for actual intercourse with PMO. If i see a sexually attractive girl in town i don't bother to talk to her. Rather i keep a mental image of her and when i get home i will use it as fuel to log on to Pornhub and PMO. Right now i'm proud to say i have gone exactly 21 days without PMO and this is the longest i have ever gone without it ever since i started at age 13. There's nothing that occupies my mind and thoughts more than P and that bothers me terribly. I don't even dream about sex anymore but porn. 2 weeks ago i was at this party and this girl wanted to have sex with me and when we got to the bedroom i couldn't get it up. Never been so humiliated in my life. It's taken me well over 2 years to finally accept that i have Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction. The girl said it was okay and that we could try again another time but i think she was just being polite. Even if she really meant it, i'm really scared to go back because what if it happens again?? I'm at a point where i want to PMO so bad because i couldn't satisfy a girl but PMO is the reason i couldn't satisfy said girl. Last night was one of the hardest nights of my life ever since i started this journey. I wanted to PMO so bad i'll admit i watched a few videos even tho i stopped myself from touching myself. That took every single ounce of strength i didn't even know my mind had. I don't know if it counts as relapsing if i watched a few videos without touching/stroking my dick. Even as i type this i desperately want to log on to Phub but i know that if i continue PMO i will never recover from my ED. I just want to have a girlfriend i can satisfy in bed someday. I got over my fear of approaching women but now i'm overwhelmed by a new fear of not being able to get it up once i get a girl in bed so much that i don't see the point in approaching them anymore. I pray i have the strength to battle and win this fight. I really hope i can recover from this, no matter how long it takes. Day 21 and counting. I'll try my best to keep coming back here with updates on how it's going.
 
Androg

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
PornAddict said:
After discovering this site back in 2021, i'm pretty sure i relapsed a day or two after posting the above thread and was too ashamed to come and admit it here. I led myself to believe that this is who i am and i just cant stop PMO. For the past year i have been doing PMO more times than i can count. I've been doing it in public toilets too. It got so bad that i would park the car at a park somewhere, get in the trunk and PMO. I didn't feel any guilt or self loathing anymore because i had led myself to believe that this is a part of who i am. That's why i haven't been frequenting this sight. I quickly forgot about it after i relapsed. Anyway, what brought me back here is that i really realize that i have a problem because i struggle to connect with any female i meet in real life. I have replaced my desire for actual intercourse with PMO. If i see a sexually attractive girl in town i don't bother to talk to her. Rather i keep a mental image of her and when i get home i will use it as fuel to log on to Pornhub and PMO. Right now i'm proud to say i have gone exactly 21 days without PMO and this is the longest i have ever gone without it ever since i started at age 13. There's nothing that occupies my mind and thoughts more than P and that bothers me terribly. I don't even dream about sex anymore but porn. 2 weeks ago i was at this party and this girl wanted to have sex with me and when we got to the bedroom i couldn't get it up. Never been so humiliated in my life. It's taken me well over 2 years to finally accept that i have Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction. The girl said it was okay and that we could try again another time but i think she was just being polite. Even if she really meant it, i'm really scared to go back because what if it happens again?? I'm at a point where i want to PMO so bad because i couldn't satisfy a girl but PMO is the reason i couldn't satisfy said girl. Last night was one of the hardest nights of my life ever since i started this journey. I wanted to PMO so bad i'll admit i watched a few videos even tho i stopped myself from touching myself. That took every single ounce of strength i didn't even know my mind had. I don't know if it counts as relapsing if i watched a few videos without touching/stroking my dick. Even as i type this i desperately want to log on to Phub but i know that if i continue PMO i will never recover from my ED. I just want to have a girlfriend i can satisfy in bed someday. I got over my fear of approaching women but now i'm overwhelmed by a new fear of not being able to get it up once i get a girl in bed so much that i don't see the point in approaching them anymore. I pray i have the strength to battle and win this fight. I really hope i can recover from this, no matter how long it takes. Day 21 and counting. I'll try my best to keep coming back here with updates on how it's going.
Click to expand...
Congratulations on your progress!

Next time you are with a woman, you find attractive, get to know her first before you get in bed. She will find it refreshing and you need someone you can talk to and trust before you try to have sex.

Stay strong!
 
P

PornAddict

Member
Androg said:
Congratulations on your progress!

Next time you are with a woman, you find attractive, get to know her first before you get in bed. She will find it refreshing and you need someone you can talk to and trust before you try to have sex.

Stay strong!
Click to expand...
Thank you for the advice. I'm really fighting for my life here.
 
Androg

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
Others have recovered from worse ED than you describe. Do you need more resources to inspire you?
 
P

PornAddict

Member
Just an update on how things are going, I'm on DAY 35 without PMO. I still have intense urges every now and then but i've been able to ignore them so far. I'll say that my boners have really improved during this period. At times i get so hard my dick throbs. I get random erections too and have had morning wood for at least 4 consecutive days. I believe that's a good sign. Just last night i had a wet dream and basically had an erection for the entire night. I couldn't get much sleep so i spent the night debating whether to PMO or not. To be honest, i thought i was gonna give in but somehow i didn't. It hasn't been easy at all. But it seems that with each day i spend with no PMO, i gain a bit more willpower to fight the urge to PMO. Taking it a day at a time.
 
Androg

Androg

Administrator
Admin
Moderator
PornAddict said:
Just an update on how things are going, I'm on DAY 35 without PMO. I still have intense urges every now and then but i've been able to ignore them so far. I'll say that my boners have really improved during this period. At times i get so hard my dick throbs. I get random erections too and have had morning wood for at least 4 consecutive days. I believe that's a good sign. Just last night i had a wet dream and basically had an erection for the entire night. I couldn't get much sleep so i spent the night debating whether to PMO or not. To be honest, i thought i was gonna give in but somehow i didn't. It hasn't been easy at all. But it seems that with each day i spend with no PMO, i gain a bit more willpower to fight the urge to PMO. Taking it a day at a time.
Click to expand...
Each time you resist makes it easier to resist the next time. Well done!
 
P

PornAddict

Member
Day 36

Had a few urges to look up P but was able to block them out. One thing that stood out about today is that i experienced brain fog as i was unable to concentrate when i stopped by the library to study. Felt like my mind was suffocating.
 
P

PornAddict

Member
I'm drowning. Why is it so hard for me to drop this habit? Is there something so wrong with me that I'm unable to stop PMO when i know completely that it's destroying me?
 
P

PornAddict

Member
Day 0. I intentionally got myself out of having sex with a girl last night because i believed i wasn't gonna be able to keep my erection if i put a condom on. And i didn't wanna go raw, especially because i was highly intoxicated. Long story short, i jerked off to P immediately when i got home.
I've noticed some sort of pattern here. Almost every time i come home drunk, i watch P and masturbate. And almost every time i endure a hangover, i watch P and masturbate. I'm hungover rn and wanna watch P but i'm trying my best to resist the urge. I should probably keep myself busy with something.
 
P

PornAddict

Member
Day 2. Just woke up with a massive erection. It's morning where i am rn. Good sign. I've decided to look at this whole thing like working out. Every day not wanking is a mental exercise done to completion. Gotta develop a streak or something. Let's see how it goes.
 
P

PornAddict

Member
Day 6. Tried having sex today and it ended in humiliation. Not only couldn't i get it up, i a;so could not feel my dick at all. It was deep in a coma. I had this beautiful naked woman on the bed that wanted me to sex her but felt nothing. I was just numb. Yet another sexual disappointment. This can't be my life. I am so depressed rn. I feel like such a loser.
 
P

PornAddict

Member
Day 10 today.
Made out with a girl last night and surprisingly i got hard as a rock. I also woke up with a massive erection this morning. I don't know what any of this means.
 
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