I know I can do it. I can feel myself getting closer to success.

[Phineas 808]

Awesome, Jonazo, on not judging yourself for the orange-behaviors, and just letting the whole thing pass. That's the way to do it, even if it doesn't look perfect.

Your excitement is well-placed, as there is so much hope for overcoming this thing.

 

[jonazo91]

Short post just to check in tonight, I had a good day with the fiancee, saw a movie and ate some dinner. Talked to some family on the phone which was stressful in its own way but not triggering. No strong urges today.


PMO last week (starting Sunday): 5
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 0
Current streak: 2 days

 

[jonazo91]

Checking in again, another busy day with some stressful moments but no strong urges. Feeling good about how I'm going about it this time over all, but trying to keep myself honest.

PMO last week (starting Sunday): 5
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 0
Current streak: 3 days

 

[jonazo91]

Checking in again. I did okay today, I've noticed being slightly too irritable with my fiancee when she doesn't deserve it. Not a bad day over all though. I still need to be better with my sleep schedule and I haven't exercised the past few days, so I absolutely need to tomorrow with no excuses. No strong urges that I can think of today. Over all a decent day.


PMO last week (starting Sunday): 5
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 0
Current streak: 4 days

 

[jonazo91]

Checking in again, I had the randomest of triggers today, a phone sex spam call! I listened a touch longer than I ought to have, but I was able to pass it by with minimum struggle. I have a good feeling about my process so far. I haven't had any extreme urges so far but I'm not missing them neither! But I want to make sure I'm prepared for them.


PMO last week (starting Sunday): 5
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 0
Current streak: 5 days

 

[Daybyday1988]

I have asimilar experience, I'm 34 now and realized I had an issue with porn when i was 20. I'm recently almost 90 days clean which is the most i have ever gone. If I had to pick a word that has helped me to change lately it is this : ACCOUNTABILITY. You need to be accountable to someone. This means having someone watching over your search history so if you drift into P again there will be consequences. I do this with an accountability partner that I have and the use of the Covenant Eyes blocking/filtering software.

1) it blocks you from accessing P
2) it sends your accountability partner reports of your search history daily.

This allows you to get away from the PMO cycle. As addicts, our prefrontal cortex is weak and it needs to be strengthened before we are better suited to fight the addiction. This happens with a little bit of time away from the habit. It get a easier and easier to just say "No" the more time that passes because the PFC get a stronger the more you abstain. My problem was always trying to just use "willpower" which always failed me for over a decade of trying.Sure i would get one week here, a few days there but overall, never got clean.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Checking in again, I had the randomest of triggers today, a phone sex spam call! I listened a touch longer than I ought to have, but I was able to pass it by with minimum struggle. I have a good feeling about my process so far. I haven't had any extreme urges so far but I'm not missing them neither! But I want to make sure I'm prepared for them.


PMO last week (starting Sunday): 5
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 0
Current streak: 5 days

That's what I'm talking about. Dismiss the trigger in the first seconds and don't give it attention. But, even if you are not experiencing urges now, it's always good to spend 2 minutes to think about what you are going to do when they come in full force. It's been helping me for sure. I've been dealing with massive urges on and off since day 6. It's almost a week of being tempted but I'm trying to detach myself from the temptation.

 

[jonazo91]

I need to post here because I did purposely look up porn last night and this morning for a while. I didn't MO, and I was able to stop myself before looking at anything too hard, but it's still worth journaling about because it was purposeful addict behavior and I'm lucky I didn't take it further. I was definitely looking to trigger myself.

I never like the "streak lawyering" you have to do when you cross some of your red lines but don't go all the way. It's a victory that I was able to stop myself, but I have to keep myself accountable for crossing lines all the same.


PMO last week (starting Sunday): 5
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 0
Porn, no MO this week (starting Sunday): 2
Current streak: 5 days

 

[jonazo91]

Posting here because I really don't feel like posting here so I think that means I better. Had a really nice night with the fiancee, she's in bed now while I stayed up for a while. I'm gonna head to bed now and stay out of trouble (and try to not fuck Up my sleep schedule).


PMO last week (starting Sunday): 5
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 0
Porn, no MO this week (starting Sunday): 2
Current streak: 5 days

 

[jonazo91]

I relapsed tonight after a really strong day where I was productive and got a lot of good things done. Bad way to end the night. I'll write more tomorrow, I absolutely need to go to bed.


PMO last week (starting Sunday): 5
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 1
Porn, no MO this week (starting Sunday): 2
Current streak: 0 days

 

[jonazo91]

Hi just checking in quickly tonight. Had a decent day today with no strong urges. Trying to keep my slip ups isolated and the exception rather than the rule.



PMO last week (starting Sunday): 1
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 0
Current streak: 1 day

 

[jonazo91]

Another relapse today. Or should I not call it a relapse? Anyway we all know what I'm talking about. A slip up, a falling back. I want to just move on from it. But I also clearly need a change of approach. I had a decent week last week, but I can sense myself easily sliding back if I'm not careful right now and vigilant. Sorry for the bad news everyone

PMO last week (starting Sunday): 1
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 1
Current streak: 0 days

 

[jonazo91]

I posted earlier but I'm deciding I ought to stick to adding a short journal entry before bed each night as a sort of ritual. Straying from that routine lately doesn't seem to have served me well. As I said earlier, I used porn again today and broke my streak. I did still exercise and read today so I feel a little better about myself. Feeling bad about yourself never seems to lead away from porn so I guess that's okay. On the other hand I have to think seriously about what I'm going to do next time an urge like I had today comes up.




PMO last week (starting Sunday): 1
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 1
Current streak: 0 da ys

 

[jonazo91]

Hi. I used again today and I used yesterday too, and also didn't post last night. I also didn't exercise yesterday and I stayed up till 4 AM.

Today, I used, but I did exercise and am going to try and be in bed by 1:30, which I understand still sounds late, but if I were able to consistently go to bed no later than that would be a huge win for me.

The fact I've used every day for the past three days is not encouraging and it feels bad. As of right now, I feel confident I can break it off here and stay clean a little longer. But what's my goal? Go a week clean and be happy with that and then go back to every day for a while again? I feel so behind other people on this forum. The bad version of me wins out so often it's pathetic. Whatever. I'm going to really try and stay positive. At least I'm posting here tonight and on track to go to bed a little earlier. Tomorrow is a new, porn-free day.


PMO last week (starting Sunday): 1
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 3
Current streak: 0 days

 

[jonazo91]

Another day another PMO. Certified rut city over here right now. I don't have anything new to add. It's gotta stop. I'm tired of the cycle, gotta make something new happen in my life. I'm trying to at least stick to routines as well as I can and let myself focus on working on myself. But the progress isn't coming fast enough and it's always one step forward two steps back. All I can do is try to do better tomorrow.


PMO last week (starting Sunday): 1
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 4
Current streak: 0 days

 

[Simon2]

Eliminate the possibility of porn as an option from your brain! Just don't even consider the idea of giving in. Period. Don't use the word "try". Just do!

You know where it leads. The same old shitty place.

That's my pep talk Strength brother!

 

[jonazo91]

Finally got through a day without porn, even though I still look at questionable material briefly. I stopped myself and moved on, I'm taking the w. I feel motivated to get back on the horse.

PMO last week (starting Sunday): 1
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 4
Current streak: 1 day

 

[Daybyday1988]

It hurts to see you struggling dude cuz i been there. Seeing that its been a year and a half since you began this journal you should try a new approach. you really need to heed my advice a few messages back. Get a blocking software and have someone watching your history. Youre gonna have a hard time on your own as you can clearly see

 

[jonazo91]

It hurts to see you struggling dude cuz i been there. Seeing that its been a year and a half since you began this journal you should try a new approach. you really need to heed my advice a few messages back. Get a blocking software and have someone watching your history. Youre gonna have a hard time on your own as you can clearly see

I just don't know if I'm ready for that. I know it's helped a lot of people but I still want to believe I have all the tools I need without spending money to help myself quit. Maybe that's delusional I don't know. I'll promise I'll keep an open mind to it.

 

[jonazo91]

Had a decent day today, mostly relaxed and helped my fiancee with some chores around the house. Exercised. I had some random urges hit me, once while I was already in bed to sleep last night, and again today while in the shower. They weren't too long lived though, and I was able to kind of process through them and evaluate whether that's really what I want out of life (it's not). Feeling a little better finally after an off string of days. Trying to keep focused and on task.

PMO last week (starting Sunday): 4
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 0
Current streak: 2 days