I know I can do it. I can feel myself getting closer to success.
- Thread starter jonazo91
- Start date
jonazo91
Active Member
Porn last week: 2
Porn this week: 5
Day 0
Rough week, I've had the place to myself with my wife out of town. It turns out my own internal motivation is very low, so as soon as I have the means to watch porn uninhibited by others in the house, I do it. Talked with my therapist about the possibility of trying a 12-step group. Something about it still makes me nervous/scared? But if it gets me out of this, what do I have to lose?
Porn this week: 5
Day 0
Rough week, I've had the place to myself with my wife out of town. It turns out my own internal motivation is very low, so as soon as I have the means to watch porn uninhibited by others in the house, I do it. Talked with my therapist about the possibility of trying a 12-step group. Something about it still makes me nervous/scared? But if it gets me out of this, what do I have to lose?
jonazo91
Active Member
Porn last week: ? at least 4
Porn this week: 2
Day 0
Rough sequence of days lately, where I've just kept coming back to porn. Friday, I peeked at porn all day long at work until I thought I was sick of it, and then kept peeking. And then I thought I'd had enough, but I've come back to it every night since, as well as this morning.
But I still believe I will overcome this. It seems crazy, but I still have faith. It won't happen just by me doing it all alone, though. I need to be reaching out for help, both from Jesus and from the people close to me in my life. I feel hopeful.
Porn this week: 2
Day 0
Rough sequence of days lately, where I've just kept coming back to porn. Friday, I peeked at porn all day long at work until I thought I was sick of it, and then kept peeking. And then I thought I'd had enough, but I've come back to it every night since, as well as this morning.
But I still believe I will overcome this. It seems crazy, but I still have faith. It won't happen just by me doing it all alone, though. I need to be reaching out for help, both from Jesus and from the people close to me in my life. I feel hopeful.
You have every reason to hope, jonazo, as you stated above.
You're primarily just dealing with habit, and your brain is just doing the best it knows how to help you cope emotionally. It's never really about the sex or porn, it's about the brain trying to help you regulate your emotions, alleviate boredom, or assuage the pains of trauma.
We simply (but not always easily) have to retrain our brains to learn how to 'feel' life, or to find dopamine hits in more healthy ways. Relationships, finding purpose in life, all these are so important.
You got this!
You're primarily just dealing with habit, and your brain is just doing the best it knows how to help you cope emotionally. It's never really about the sex or porn, it's about the brain trying to help you regulate your emotions, alleviate boredom, or assuage the pains of trauma.
We simply (but not always easily) have to retrain our brains to learn how to 'feel' life, or to find dopamine hits in more healthy ways. Relationships, finding purpose in life, all these are so important.
You got this!
jonazo91
Active Member
@Phineas 808 thanks, I appreciate your words and I’ll take them to heart.
Porn last week: ? at least 4
Porn this week: 6?
Day 0
Still in a rough place with it right now, where I feel the slightest trigger gets me going back down the same old road. It’s been just about every day this week.
Shame and beating myself up, (“I’m disgusting, I’ll never change, I’m a dirty pervert, I’m ruining my life on purpose”) are no good and don’t help. But the feelings are there. It’s no good not to acknowledge those feelings at all either.
I’d like to flip a switch, I’d like to one day “get it” and have all the practical knowledge I’ve learned about my addiction suddenly turn into perfect abstinence. But I guess that’s never going to happen. Instead, I have to practice abstinence, or sobriety, and it’s a skill that I need to sharpen and get better at through frequent practice. I guess the good news is even if I fail one day, I can always immediately start practicing this skill again because it’s about staying in the right mindset and doing the positive, healthy thing for myself. The more I stay in the positive, health-focused mindset, the more practice I get at it.
So, I just watched porn, again, in the bathroom at work. Like I did yesterday. I don’t feel good about myself. I have to acknowledge that. I can’t pretend I’m proud of myself right now or that I have no regrets or negative feelings about myself. I feel like shit. But what can I do right now, to have the best mindset and goal-orientation now, and for the rest of this day (and week, and month)?
Porn last week: ? at least 4
Porn this week: 6?
Day 0
Still in a rough place with it right now, where I feel the slightest trigger gets me going back down the same old road. It’s been just about every day this week.
Shame and beating myself up, (“I’m disgusting, I’ll never change, I’m a dirty pervert, I’m ruining my life on purpose”) are no good and don’t help. But the feelings are there. It’s no good not to acknowledge those feelings at all either.
I’d like to flip a switch, I’d like to one day “get it” and have all the practical knowledge I’ve learned about my addiction suddenly turn into perfect abstinence. But I guess that’s never going to happen. Instead, I have to practice abstinence, or sobriety, and it’s a skill that I need to sharpen and get better at through frequent practice. I guess the good news is even if I fail one day, I can always immediately start practicing this skill again because it’s about staying in the right mindset and doing the positive, healthy thing for myself. The more I stay in the positive, health-focused mindset, the more practice I get at it.
So, I just watched porn, again, in the bathroom at work. Like I did yesterday. I don’t feel good about myself. I have to acknowledge that. I can’t pretend I’m proud of myself right now or that I have no regrets or negative feelings about myself. I feel like shit. But what can I do right now, to have the best mindset and goal-orientation now, and for the rest of this day (and week, and month)?