I know I can do it. I can feel myself getting closer to success.

[jonazo91]

Day 1

I am feeling okay. I’ve been tired a little the past few days, and so I slept in this morning and I think I feel better for it. I want to just try and keep myself in healthy activities throughout the morning without being too picky about what kind of healthy activities.

 

[jonazo91]

Day 2

Today is my mom's 70th birthday, and I’ve been so busy running around with everything going on that I’d almost forgotten. I called my dad and he reminded me while my mom was right next to him. It’s understandable with how busy I’ve been lately, but I still feel guilty about it. I’m off to Massachusetts this weekend for my wife’s friends wedding.

 

[jonazo91]

Day 5

Had a busy, fun weekend with my wife and her friends at a wedding weekend in the Boston area. We had a great time but I’m absolutely exhausted now. I feel a little threat of the “back to normal” feeling after a fun vacation making me want to relapse, on top of the tiredness. About to head into an airplane in a few hours now.

 

[jonazo91]

Day 1

After a great weekend with friends and fun times, I got back home and back into my work from home schedule yesterday, and I relapsed. I just couldn’t handle the feeling of returning back to normal.

I feel especially bad because earlier yesterday, my wife and I got our first ultrasound images of our baby. The news from the doctor was mixed, as the baby is smaller than they expected at this date, so she’s slightly cautious. But there was a heartbeat and that’s a good sign. But I’m just disgusted that I mixed in a porn relapse into that day.

 

[jonazo91]

Day 4

I got pretty close to faltering last night and this morning. My friend wanted to play video games with me and asked me to get on Discord. I haven’t had a Discord in a while because I usually end up using it for porn. But I downloaded it to talk to him. But then I nearly immediately started looking up porn discords, “just to see if they were still around.” I even joined a few, one last night and one this morning. But I immediately left them and uninstalled the app. I did technically view some pornographic images briefly. But I closed them out nearly immediately so I’m going to give myself a little credit for that.

Off to blues fest today.

 

[jonazo91]

Day 5

I relapsed Sunday. Been okay since, but very busy and continue to be. Off to Oklahoma this weekend.

 

[jonazo91]

Day 0

Since getting back from Oklahoma, been in a bit of a rut this week. That’s okay. The thing about a rut is you can get out of it, and that’s what I intend to do, starting today.

 

[jonazo91]

Day 3

The urges have subsided, but I need a long term plan. I’m done with this shit. The last time I used porn, and this is TMI, but as I was finishing I literally said to myself “I don’t even like this.” I’m done. I’m done with this shit right now.

 

[jonazo91]

To be fully honest, I peeked, ever so briefly, at a few pornographic images on Monday. I guess I’d rather have a clean streak. So I’ll call this

Day 2.

I’m still feeling pretty committed to sobriety. Trying to do something good for myself and start building up good habits. It’s just tough because every day is so chaotic lately.