We're in this together, am also on day 2.Day 2
Will be going to bed shortly, but wanted to check in. I'm feeling okay right now, as if P is the furthest thing from my mind in the world. I'm not gonna look that gift horse in the mouth. Check in again soon.
Hey man. You can do this.Day 0
Sorry to let you down, @Ryt .
I got off on the wrong start early today, in fact was already going to reset my counter because I started M, the most disgusting part being that it was to a friend of mine's photos (she posts suggestive photos on facebook sometimes). She's a good friend of mine and I'm not proud of doing that, although I have in the past. I stopped before O, mostly just because I wasn't feeling it. I didn't really feel an immense pang of guilt or alarm that made me stop, more just like "eh, I don't feel like doing this right now." But I was still going to call that a reset of my clock.
But then tonight the stupidest of triggers, some spam ad that got sent directly to my Google Drive (anyone else get these stupid things ever?) with a nude photograph in it. I've gotten these things a few times before and it's always the same picture and although they are very annoying, I can usually just report and ignore, but for some reason this time it was enough to trigger a relapse. I think it's just because I wanted to.
So, when it's "relapse time," I'm trying now at least to push through it as quickly as possible and not wallow in it. It really sucks to be back at square zero again, after I just had a successful 10 days a little while back. But here I am and the only direction is forward. I've been feeling a little less motivated (in general, as well as with my rebooting attempts), and I'm aware that motivation is a thing that very commonly ebbs and flows with me. I'm trying to just keep the big picture in mind, of the me I want to be in a year, 5 years, 10 years from now. A happier, more well-balanced man who has his priorities straight, and for whom porn is an increasingly distant memory.
I can do this. It IS the thing I want most in life. I want to be free. It has to start now. It has to start right now. This is it.
If I am going to transform my life, I need to take big steps.
My only hope is that I can stick to the goal of general life improvements and quitting will become easier as I'm not fighting myself as much. This just sucks.
Improving our lives is something we must do but if it's something too complicated and it impact quitting porn, I prefer to wait a little. I prefer to do the things that I'm able to do while going through the withdrawal.Life improvements are an important part, but for a while you're going to have to face down the urges. There's no way around this. But the quicker you can learn how to 'dismiss urges' the quicker will be your recovery (say, even 3 - 4 months!).
Beautifully said. Spot on. We just observe the phone. It will pass. The wave always breaks and falls.The difference is, it's not about 'fighting yourself'- or fighting the urges. The urges will come, the rationalizations will come, the desparate need to fulfill the urges will come. What do we do?
Neither fight them, nor feed them. Don't respond to them. Think of it as a telemarketer from the lower brain calling. Do you pick up the phone and have an argument with him? No. Do you let them sweet talk you into buying their crap? No. You just ignore the phone until it goes away. Same thing.
I feel you, man. I know exactly what you're talking about. This can indeed turn into a "Relapse/Restart" marathon that could even last for life. I've said this before. And this is indeed the scariest thing. "Will I ever quit porn?" I've asked myself this so many times. But you know, after the initial 2 weeks phase, I can see the whole thing and I know I can make it if I respect 3 things: Urges management, mistakes management, "The suck" management. I guess the importance is really in that order.Thank you guys all for coming through with a lot of really solid advice.
Unfortunately I'm just coming off another setback last night, but I'm going to really try to implement some of these strategies, especially the idea of just "letting the phone ring" when urges come.
The scary thing about the cycle is that you can be stuck in it indefinitely. It seems like such a big change to say "no, I'm not doing that anymore" but God, that's all I want out of life! It's so weird though, putting too much expectation on it seems like it can backfire (the pressure of it I guess), but not treating it as a major change makes it too easy to abandon in the moment of an urge. I'm clearly having trouble finding that balance. If I'm being honest, quitting porn is what I want most in the world. But I don't want my world to come crashing down if I fail, I want to be resolute enough to be able to pick up and start over.
In any case. Day 0
Thanks a million for all of this!!I feel you, man. I know exactly what you're talking about. This can indeed turn into a "Relapse/Restart" marathon that could even last for life. I've said this before. And this is indeed the scariest thing. "Will I ever quit porn?" I've asked myself this so many times. But you know, after the initial 2 weeks phase, I can see the whole thing and I know I can make it if I respect 3 things: Urges management, mistakes management, "The suck" management. I guess the importance is really in that order.
Urges management: What's the best way I (you) could deal with the urges? Urge surfing sounds good. I don't know how to do it perfectly but it's helped me a few times in critical moments so far. The thing here is that we must "disengage" from the urges, let the urges go through us without engaging with them, like something that passes by in front of us but then we mind our business, we don't keep starring. Not fantasizing about porn is crucial here. I think if we can reach this level, it gets very effective. But, I believe that in order for this to work the best, we also need to address "the brainwashing". The free book "Easy Peasy" discusses this in details and it's an excellent book to read, it should be like a "Bible" for porn rebooting. Why? Because it address this brainwashing thing which is the reason why we crave porn and craving creates urges. It's very important. When we feel that porn is something important in our lives (we use it for comfort, medication, boredom "I can't live without porn" type of thing, "I can't enjoy pleasure anymore without porn" type of thing), we crave it like the forbidden fruit when it's not available (not made available through us banning it from our lives), we feel ourselves deprived from it and this is where the craving starts, where porn is in our minds non-stop and where the urges come from.
Mistakes management: Can you write a list of everything that has made you relapse so far? Like drinking, keeping the phone in bed, masturbation without porn, sitting in front of the computer during urges when you could've left etc. (Just to give some examples). Can you then put everything on the "Mistakes list" and make an effort never to repeat it? (Here I need to learn too).
"The suck" management: This is the discomfort that comes because of the process of quitting, like anxiety, stress, lethargy, brain fog whatever you name it, if you don't have it it's great but porn addicts in general report some form of "suffering". Some people report shaking, some report pain that isn't real, during my 50 days streak I've had some moments when I literally couldn't think. I would just sit down and "see fog". I couldn't even make a decision, it was like my brain was having a "Brain.exe has stopped working" moment. How can we deal with stuff like this if it shows up? If we deal with stuff like loneliness, anxiety, depression, stress, humiliation, rejection etc. and we use porn to medicate it, what can we do about it?
There could be other things too to add here and everybody is free to correct me if I'm wrong, nevertheless I believe it's a good place to start in trying to figure out a plan. Peace.