I know I can do it. I can feel myself getting closer to success.

jonazo91

Active Member
Day 2

Will be going to bed shortly, but wanted to check in. I'm feeling okay right now, as if P is the furthest thing from my mind in the world. I'm not gonna look that gift horse in the mouth. Check in again soon.
 

Ryt

New Member
Day 2

Will be going to bed shortly, but wanted to check in. I'm feeling okay right now, as if P is the furthest thing from my mind in the world. I'm not gonna look that gift horse in the mouth. Check in again soon.
We're in this together, am also on day 2.
 

jonazo91

Active Member
Day 0

Sorry to let you down, @Ryt .

I got off on the wrong start early today, in fact was already going to reset my counter because I started M, the most disgusting part being that it was to a friend of mine's photos (she posts suggestive photos on facebook sometimes). She's a good friend of mine and I'm not proud of doing that, although I have in the past. I stopped before O, mostly just because I wasn't feeling it. I didn't really feel an immense pang of guilt or alarm that made me stop, more just like "eh, I don't feel like doing this right now." But I was still going to call that a reset of my clock.

But then tonight the stupidest of triggers, some spam ad that got sent directly to my Google Drive (anyone else get these stupid things ever?) with a nude photograph in it. I've gotten these things a few times before and it's always the same picture and although they are very annoying, I can usually just report and ignore, but for some reason this time it was enough to trigger a relapse. I think it's just because I wanted to.

So, when it's "relapse time," I'm trying now at least to push through it as quickly as possible and not wallow in it. It really sucks to be back at square zero again, after I just had a successful 10 days a little while back. But here I am and the only direction is forward. I've been feeling a little less motivated (in general, as well as with my rebooting attempts), and I'm aware that motivation is a thing that very commonly ebbs and flows with me. I'm trying to just keep the big picture in mind, of the me I want to be in a year, 5 years, 10 years from now. A happier, more well-balanced man who has his priorities straight, and for whom porn is an increasingly distant memory.

I can do this. It IS the thing I want most in life. I want to be free. It has to start now. It has to start right now. This is it.
 
Day 0

Sorry to let you down, @Ryt .

I got off on the wrong start early today, in fact was already going to reset my counter because I started M, the most disgusting part being that it was to a friend of mine's photos (she posts suggestive photos on facebook sometimes). She's a good friend of mine and I'm not proud of doing that, although I have in the past. I stopped before O, mostly just because I wasn't feeling it. I didn't really feel an immense pang of guilt or alarm that made me stop, more just like "eh, I don't feel like doing this right now." But I was still going to call that a reset of my clock.

But then tonight the stupidest of triggers, some spam ad that got sent directly to my Google Drive (anyone else get these stupid things ever?) with a nude photograph in it. I've gotten these things a few times before and it's always the same picture and although they are very annoying, I can usually just report and ignore, but for some reason this time it was enough to trigger a relapse. I think it's just because I wanted to.

So, when it's "relapse time," I'm trying now at least to push through it as quickly as possible and not wallow in it. It really sucks to be back at square zero again, after I just had a successful 10 days a little while back. But here I am and the only direction is forward. I've been feeling a little less motivated (in general, as well as with my rebooting attempts), and I'm aware that motivation is a thing that very commonly ebbs and flows with me. I'm trying to just keep the big picture in mind, of the me I want to be in a year, 5 years, 10 years from now. A happier, more well-balanced man who has his priorities straight, and for whom porn is an increasingly distant memory.

I can do this. It IS the thing I want most in life. I want to be free. It has to start now. It has to start right now. This is it.
Hey man. You can do this.

I was thinking today about how there is just so much against being successful in being P & M free. That not only do we have to deal with our own thoughts and saved images but then the stuff that gets thrown at us. It's a crazy hard fight but like you said ..you can do this. Other guys are currently living successfully. It's possible.

I have to hold on to hope. No matter how pathetic I feel or how many times I have to get up from falling down, I have to believe it's gonna get better.

You've got this
 

jonazo91

Active Member
Day 1

Fought off a "chaser" urge last night (a few hours after relapse) by reminding myself what I'm doing this for: if you could only have one for the rest of your life, which would you pick: sexual gratification, or the ability to love? Even if I never could reach orgasm again, I would never want to lose the capability to love people. And yet that's the bargain porn asks of you every time you use it. The crazy thing is, even though love is complicated and difficult, and it's not addictive and crave-worthy like those things that addict us, it's worth so much more. Even though there's no rational reason for a human to love someone, when they could just procreate with them and move on instead, love is the most important thing in the world to us. But porn forces you to turn it off, for a brief period, and serve it instead. And there's only so often I can take that bargain in good conscience. I want love more than I want porn. That's what it's about to me. I want to feel love.
 

jonazo91

Active Member
Day 0

No comment.

Picking yourself up every time is tough, but it's literally the only option I have. I'm trying not to beat myself up.
 

jonazo91

Active Member
Day 0

I am in a rut. It's like I'm not even trying. If this is trying, I'd hate to see not trying. I just have terrible impulse control.

I need something to get me through the rougher times when I feel less motivated. I can't expect to always be in the correct mood/attitude to control my impulses. Something has got to change.
 

jonazo91

Active Member
Day 1

I've found a little more inspiration lately. Slowly, I have been cutting out bad habits and influences in my life and doing my best not to let them creep in. I am trying my best to replace bad habits with better habits. It hasn't all been forward progress. It's been a lot of two steps forward, one step back. But on the grand scheme, I do think I am making some progress. Porn is the next big thing to leave behind. It was never going to be easy. But it is doable, and I have what it takes to do it. I just have to stick to the good habits I replace my bad habits with.

I am trying to stay off my phone as much as possible from now on. Even leaving aside porn, nearly every second I spend on my phone (except for responding to texts, or maybe looking up relevant information in a pinch) is a waste of time. Even staring at the wall is healthier. If I am going to transform my life, I need to take big steps.

Check in later.
 

jonazo91

Active Member
Day 0

Still in the rut. I'm trying to improve my sleep schedule and so I got to bed at a more reasonable hour last night, but I didn't sleep well and woke up frequently (it was cold and my stomach was a little upset) I fought off a small urge before falling asleep, but once again I followed up on that urge when I woke up (earlier than I'd intended). And now I'm back at square 1.

It always sucks when I'm trying to do things to improve my life in general, and then I have a minor setback in that effort which leads me back to porn. My only hope is that I can stick to the goal of general life improvements and quitting will become easier as I'm not fighting myself as much. This just sucks.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
If I am going to transform my life, I need to take big steps.

This is true. And it sounds like you have good ideas to do it.

Just make sure that the story you're telling yourself is that you're in control, at least you're taking back control. But don't treat these things as if they're in control.

The iPhone can't make you take your finger and do searches, and the billboard on the highway can't make you PMO.

But changing our environment, the things around us, is a good idea to snap out of the habits that surround the unwanted habits.

My only hope is that I can stick to the goal of general life improvements and quitting will become easier as I'm not fighting myself as much. This just sucks.

Life improvements are an important part, but for a while you're going to have to face down the urges. There's no way around this. But the quicker you can learn how to 'dismiss urges' the quicker will be your recovery (say, even 3 - 4 months!).

The difference is, it's not about 'fighting yourself'- or fighting the urges. The urges will come, the rationalizations will come, the desparate need to fulfill the urges will come. What do we do?

Neither fight them, nor feed them. Don't respond to them. Think of it as a telemarketer from the lower brain calling. Do you pick up the phone and have an argument with him? No. Do you let them sweet talk you into buying their crap? No. You just ignore the phone until it goes away. Same thing.

What helps is to 'step outside yourself', observe yourself like watching a movie- but without making judgments. Take deep and slow breaths until the urges pass. Rinse and repeat.

God bless, Jonazo! I know you have what it takes to put up a serious reboot.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Life improvements are an important part, but for a while you're going to have to face down the urges. There's no way around this. But the quicker you can learn how to 'dismiss urges' the quicker will be your recovery (say, even 3 - 4 months!).
Improving our lives is something we must do but if it's something too complicated and it impact quitting porn, I prefer to wait a little. I prefer to do the things that I'm able to do while going through the withdrawal.
 

EarthWalker

Respected Member
The difference is, it's not about 'fighting yourself'- or fighting the urges. The urges will come, the rationalizations will come, the desparate need to fulfill the urges will come. What do we do?

Neither fight them, nor feed them. Don't respond to them. Think of it as a telemarketer from the lower brain calling. Do you pick up the phone and have an argument with him? No. Do you let them sweet talk you into buying their crap? No. You just ignore the phone until it goes away. Same thing.
Beautifully said. Spot on. We just observe the phone. It will pass. The wave always breaks and falls.
 

Phineas 808

Moderator
Staff member
Moderator
@ Escape ~ Exactly. If we can begin to repetively dismiss the urges, we're already undercutting the unwanted habits. Building new habits and a new life will come naturally. We don't have to overcomplicate changing our behaviors with either trying to focus too much on the future or the past. If we at least can take this off the table, we can think more clear to build the future and heal from the past.

@ EW ~ Thank you, brother!
 

jonazo91

Active Member
Thank you guys all for coming through with a lot of really solid advice.

Unfortunately I'm just coming off another setback last night, but I'm going to really try to implement some of these strategies, especially the idea of just "letting the phone ring" when urges come.

The scary thing about the cycle is that you can be stuck in it indefinitely. It seems like such a big change to say "no, I'm not doing that anymore" but God, that's all I want out of life! It's so weird though, putting too much expectation on it seems like it can backfire (the pressure of it I guess), but not treating it as a major change makes it too easy to abandon in the moment of an urge. I'm clearly having trouble finding that balance. If I'm being honest, quitting porn is what I want most in the world. But I don't want my world to come crashing down if I fail, I want to be resolute enough to be able to pick up and start over.

In any case. Day 0
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Thank you guys all for coming through with a lot of really solid advice.

Unfortunately I'm just coming off another setback last night, but I'm going to really try to implement some of these strategies, especially the idea of just "letting the phone ring" when urges come.

The scary thing about the cycle is that you can be stuck in it indefinitely. It seems like such a big change to say "no, I'm not doing that anymore" but God, that's all I want out of life! It's so weird though, putting too much expectation on it seems like it can backfire (the pressure of it I guess), but not treating it as a major change makes it too easy to abandon in the moment of an urge. I'm clearly having trouble finding that balance. If I'm being honest, quitting porn is what I want most in the world. But I don't want my world to come crashing down if I fail, I want to be resolute enough to be able to pick up and start over.

In any case. Day 0
I feel you, man. I know exactly what you're talking about. This can indeed turn into a "Relapse/Restart" marathon that could even last for life. I've said this before. And this is indeed the scariest thing. "Will I ever quit porn?" I've asked myself this so many times. But you know, after the initial 2 weeks phase, I can see the whole thing and I know I can make it if I respect 3 things: Urges management, mistakes management, "The suck" management. I guess the importance is really in that order.

Urges management: What's the best way I (you) could deal with the urges? Urge surfing sounds good. I don't know how to do it perfectly but it's helped me a few times in critical moments so far. The thing here is that we must "disengage" from the urges, let the urges go through us without engaging with them, like something that passes by in front of us but then we mind our business, we don't keep starring. Not fantasizing about porn is crucial here. I think if we can reach this level, it gets very effective. But, I believe that in order for this to work the best, we also need to address "the brainwashing". The free book "Easy Peasy" discusses this in details and it's an excellent book to read, it should be like a "Bible" for porn rebooting. Why? Because it address this brainwashing thing which is the reason why we crave porn and craving creates urges. It's very important. When we feel that porn is something important in our lives (we use it for comfort, medication, boredom "I can't live without porn" type of thing, "I can't enjoy pleasure anymore without porn" type of thing), we crave it like the forbidden fruit when it's not available (not made available through us banning it from our lives), we feel ourselves deprived from it and this is where the craving starts, where porn is in our minds non-stop and where the urges come from.

Mistakes management: Can you write a list of everything that has made you relapse so far? Like drinking, keeping the phone in bed, masturbation without porn, sitting in front of the computer during urges when you could've left etc. (Just to give some examples). Can you then put everything on the "Mistakes list" and make an effort never to repeat it? (Here I need to learn too).

"The suck" management: This is the discomfort that comes because of the process of quitting, like anxiety, stress, lethargy, brain fog whatever you name it, if you don't have it it's great but porn addicts in general report some form of "suffering". Some people report shaking, some report pain that isn't real, during my 50 days streak I've had some moments when I literally couldn't think. I would just sit down and "see fog". I couldn't even make a decision, it was like my brain was having a "Brain.exe has stopped working" moment. How can we deal with stuff like this if it shows up? If we deal with stuff like loneliness, anxiety, depression, stress, humiliation, rejection etc. and we use porn to medicate it, what can we do about it?

There could be other things too to add here and everybody is free to correct me if I'm wrong, nevertheless I believe it's a good place to start in trying to figure out a plan. Peace.
 
Last edited:

jonazo91

Active Member
I feel you, man. I know exactly what you're talking about. This can indeed turn into a "Relapse/Restart" marathon that could even last for life. I've said this before. And this is indeed the scariest thing. "Will I ever quit porn?" I've asked myself this so many times. But you know, after the initial 2 weeks phase, I can see the whole thing and I know I can make it if I respect 3 things: Urges management, mistakes management, "The suck" management. I guess the importance is really in that order.

Urges management: What's the best way I (you) could deal with the urges? Urge surfing sounds good. I don't know how to do it perfectly but it's helped me a few times in critical moments so far. The thing here is that we must "disengage" from the urges, let the urges go through us without engaging with them, like something that passes by in front of us but then we mind our business, we don't keep starring. Not fantasizing about porn is crucial here. I think if we can reach this level, it gets very effective. But, I believe that in order for this to work the best, we also need to address "the brainwashing". The free book "Easy Peasy" discusses this in details and it's an excellent book to read, it should be like a "Bible" for porn rebooting. Why? Because it address this brainwashing thing which is the reason why we crave porn and craving creates urges. It's very important. When we feel that porn is something important in our lives (we use it for comfort, medication, boredom "I can't live without porn" type of thing, "I can't enjoy pleasure anymore without porn" type of thing), we crave it like the forbidden fruit when it's not available (not made available through us banning it from our lives), we feel ourselves deprived from it and this is where the craving starts, where porn is in our minds non-stop and where the urges come from.

Mistakes management: Can you write a list of everything that has made you relapse so far? Like drinking, keeping the phone in bed, masturbation without porn, sitting in front of the computer during urges when you could've left etc. (Just to give some examples). Can you then put everything on the "Mistakes list" and make an effort never to repeat it? (Here I need to learn too).

"The suck" management: This is the discomfort that comes because of the process of quitting, like anxiety, stress, lethargy, brain fog whatever you name it, if you don't have it it's great but porn addicts in general report some form of "suffering". Some people report shaking, some report pain that isn't real, during my 50 days streak I've had some moments when I literally couldn't think. I would just sit down and "see fog". I couldn't even make a decision, it was like my brain was having a "Brain.exe has stopped working" moment. How can we deal with stuff like this if it shows up? If we deal with stuff like loneliness, anxiety, depression, stress, humiliation, rejection etc. and we use porn to medicate it, what can we do about it?

There could be other things too to add here and everybody is free to correct me if I'm wrong, nevertheless I believe it's a good place to start in trying to figure out a plan. Peace.
Thanks a million for all of this!!
 
Top