Thanks, I figure that negative self-talk is only harmful to my progress. Even when I feel pretty damn negative, it's not worth indulging and encouraging a negative self-view. I need to feel confident that I will prevail, if I keep trying. It's kind of a cliche I guess: I'll only succeed if I believe I'll succeed. But it's true.
I've had a clean week so far, and feeling like I'm on an uptick generally in terms of my habits and self-discipline. My fiancee and I got Ring Fit Adventure (fitness video game, for the uninitiated) and I had a great time working out with it. I'm hoping I can turn that into a daily thing and kind of sneak a fitness regimen into my life through gaming. Haha.
Of course, the biggest issue for me right now is "Waiting for the other shoe to drop" i.e. for a strong urge to hit me again, and how I'll respond to it. Awareness that it will come is important. Being in a positive mindset and aware of my long-term goals is important, so that when a moment like that comes, I have some internal fortitude to fight against those urges. But also, keeping myself away from the situations that lead to those urges is equally important. Staying up late after my fiancee goes to bed. Getting bored or discouraged at work and idly looking at my phone. Waking up in the morning, laying in bed looking at my phone. Any of these moments, I need to be vigilant and make sure the general is in control of the ... idk, army. My metaphor game isn't too strong right now.
Point is, there are key moments when I am most vulnerable. After I've done something stressful and have downtime. When I'm tired and bored late at night but "don't feel like going to bed yet." When I'm at work and feel mentally overexerted and want to "veg out" for a little bit with my brain. Any time I'm tired and am allowing myself to be lazy with my behaviors or my train of thought. Rest is very important, but that's why I need to be mindful and conscious of taking time to rest. And times of rest are best without any sort of extraneous stimulation anyway, like a scrolling phone screen full of worthless nonsense!
I've still been actively trying to limit my phone screen time as much as I can, which largely depends on how "aware" and "in the driver's seat" I'm being. When I'm being idle, I look at my phone still, with no purpose. One idea I've had is to change my mindset, so that if I'm looking at my phone, whatever it is I'm doing with it, that's what I'm doing. So instead of looking at my phone in idle moments between what I'm doing, the attitude is, looking at my phone is The Activity I'm Doing Right Now. That way, it's more conscious, and I know to limit it to a reasonable period of time, and that, if I'm on facebook, or YouTube, or whatever, there's no reason to venture off to any other sites.
I'll check back in in a few days.
PMO last week (starting Sunday): 4
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 0
Current streak: 3 days