I know I can do it. I can feel myself getting closer to success.

Daybyday1988

Active Member
Don't know what else to say

I suggest you start by being honest and admitting you need help, at least that you need to do something differently. You need reliable blocking software and an accountability partner. Either that or ditch the internet connected devices altogether.

Its really sad watching you fail over and over again and waste your life dude, I know because I been there. Its been almost 1.5 years bro. Time to face reality. If this was a drug addiction, you'd be dead by now but because its porn we don't take it seriously.
 
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jonazo91

Active Member
Still struggling quite a bit. Engaging in bad behavior and flailing. Making promises to myself after every time that end up getting broken the next day. Yeah I've been here before but man I want out real bad.

PMO last week (starting Sunday): 5
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 2
Current streak: 0 days
 

jonazo91

Active Member
Boredom seems to be a big one. I probably have some form of ADHD so I'm constantly looking for distraction and simulation.
 

Androg

Administrator
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I suggest you start by being honest and admitting you need help, at least that you need to do something differently. You need reliable blocking software and an accountability partner. Either that or ditch the internet connected devices altogether.

Its really sad watching you fail over and over again and waste your life dude, I know because I been there. Its been almost 1.5 years bro. Time to face reality. If this was a drug addiction, you'd be dead by now but because its porn we don't take it seriously.
Let's keep it positive. Please refrain from describing anyone's setbacks as failures. They're opportunities to learn triggers and new ways of coping.
 

Androg

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Boredom seems to be a big one. I probably have some form of ADHD so I'm constantly looking for distraction and simulation.
Boredom's a major trigger for everyone. Have you tried intense exercise, meditation, and socializing with friends and loved ones?
 

jonazo91

Active Member
Boredom's a major trigger for everyone. Have you tried intense exercise, meditation, and socializing with friends and loved ones?
To some extent I'm aware of these methods and I have varying levels of success applying them. I've just never been good at sticking with these methods. I think I need something concrete and clearly defined to do when I feel these triggers, and to have the presence of mind to stick with it when the time comes. A lot of times when an urge comes on it feels like it's already too late, like I've already given in and decided to relapse once I've thought of it. That's the part I need to figure out.



Daybyday1988 is right in that I need to have some honesty about my situation and find help outside of myself in some way. Part of that is just finding the courage to find someone to trust about it.



PMO last week (starting Sunday): 5
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 2
Current streak: 1 day
 

jonazo91

Active Member
Strung together 3 good days before blowing it again tonight. I have to stop considering this as acceptable.


PMO last week (starting Sunday): 5
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 3
Current streak: 0 days
 

Androg

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Sorry you’re struggling. Can you at least manage some pushups before you relapse? It helps interrupt that mindless reflex.
 

jonazo91

Active Member
Thank you. I will try that the next time I get strong urges. The chaser effect caught up to me today and I relapsed yet again. This has been two of the worst weeks in a while for my recovery. The only faint positive I can take out of it is that I've been pretty consistently updating my journal through it, despite how FUCKING embarrassing it is to keep coming on here and telling you guys I messed up again. But hiding the truth or being ashamed to own up to my behavior will get me nowhere.

I'm taking my fiancee out tonight for Valentine's Day, and I want to have a good time with her without focusing on how bad I feel for my porn use lately. The double life that porn can drag you into is really the worst. I could jump for joy at just the idea of being free from it. So why can't I just keep that thought in mind? I have to change up my mentality.


PMO last week (starting Sunday): 5
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 4
Current streak: 0 days
 

jonazo91

Active Member
I just got through a pretty close call. At work doing a task that required just a little more concentration and focus than I wanted, so I started looking up borderline material on my phone, and gradually started escalating the material more and more. Funny thing is, I wasn't even that into it, but I guess it was preferable to the work I was supposed to be doing. I found myself veering back to it every time I got stuck on my task. So it's an escape mechanism. Anyway, I was interrupted by my fiancee and luckily decided to stop afterward. But it was too close of a call.

I'm working on drilling into my head the idea "porn is not an option." It's just off the table. Now I got awfully close to crossing the line just now. But I think it's still a useful thing to keep in mind. Like just imagine there's no porn on the internet, and live that way. Just cut it out as an option in my life. I'm hoping to get some mileage out of that.

Not letting myself off the hook for getting so close to the edge today, but thankful that I didn't go further. Porn is not an option. Moving on now, getting back to real life.


PMO last week (starting Sunday): 4
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 0
Current streak: 3 days
 

jonazo91

Active Member
Last night I looked at porn for a while, even though I wasn't feeling it at all. I was so bored but for some reason I couldn't just bring myself to go to sleep. So I pulled up porn and even started masturbating, but at a certain point I just looked at myself from above for a moment and got disgusted. I distinctly remember thinking "look at yourself right now," and that was enough to get me to stop.

So this has happened a few times lately and now I have to figure out how to take it to the next step and stop before I start. Anticipate that feeling. I'm glad I stopped but I still feel a little disgusted with myself. Weird middle ground but I'll take it.

PMO last week (starting Sunday): 4
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 0
Current streak: 0 days
 

Androg

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Every time you consciously stop, you strengthen your willpower. Edging on the other hand seems to trigger a downward spiral. :-(
 

jonazo91

Active Member
Every time you consciously stop, you strengthen your willpower. Edging on the other hand seems to trigger a downward spiral. :-(
You know, I've heard this before and I kind of wonder about it. There have been times where I've "woken up" in the middle of edging or masturbating and realized I don't want to continue, but decided to finish anyway, because I've heard that edging is worse than a quick session to completion. But it also seems counterproductive to keep going once I've already snapped out of it and am ready to stop. So the best course of action seems a little muddy in this situation. To me it seems, if I can fully stop myself, I ought to. But I do definitely get how it's better to finish up quickly rather than continue a long drawn out edging session.
 

Androg

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If you're not "edging" then finishing is certainly not necessary. When I say edging, I don't mean waking up masturbating. I think of "edging" as consciously, deliberately staying at "the edge" of orgasm for a long period of time...as a goal. Make sense?
 

jonazo91

Active Member
Oh yeah absolutely that makes sense. I don't mean "waking up" literally but snapping out of my porn haze before I've reached O. I know about edging on purpose but I would never confuse that for a healthy behavior. I think the part that confused me is if, once I no longer want to be doing that anymore, is it in any way beneficial to finish so that I'm not still "on the edge," or if it's better to just stop right away. Continuing to finish kind of seems like smoking the rest of the crack pipe so that there's no more crack left in the pipe. Apologies if this seems like fixating on irrelevant details, but I know I may find myself in this situation again in the future. Obviously the best course would be to just not start in the first place.
 

jonazo91

Active Member
After a somewhat better couple of days I've had a really bad past 24 hours, with 2 PMOs. The first was last night, and I got out of bed to do it. And then again today about an hour ago. I'm just going to try and move on. I think I've been stressing about my porn use too much lately which has only caused me to obsess over it more. I need to relax, take it easy and get back to basics. I did work out earlier today which is good. It's time to switch up my strategy and let myself get free of this. Because right now it's like I'm fighting myself.

PMO last week (starting Sunday): 4
PMO this week (starting Sunday): 2
Current streak: 0 days
 

Androg

Administrator
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Sorry you're struggling. Can you do pushups, or something to break the impulse when you have a craving?
 

jonazo91

Active Member
Sorry you're struggling. Can you do pushups, or something to break the impulse when you have a craving?
I will try next time. I haven't been very good at catching cravings before they're too far in. Or standing up to them. But I will try next time.
 
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