You Shall Not Pass!!!!!

So as of yesterday, 6 months with no porn. Still basically flatlined ... I think what that means is I don't seem to get aroused for any reason. We do know that the equipment still functions from night wood... several nights ago I had one of those that was so hard it almost hurt. So it's not physiological. All the right chemicals and hormones can be produced and it makes things happen -- just not in response to ... well, anything. It's recently been entering my mind "hey, you should try p*** just once just to see if your brain will send the signals to make those chemicals and hormones happen" ... but no. 6 months is a lot of progress. No going back. Keep on plugging on.
 
Seven months, today, porn free (ok, why am I singing "born free" now ... and why didn't this occur to me before? :-D )

No, I am not cured. I'm older, and I was at end-stage. I understand that this COULD take years.

I will give one hint of happy news. In a dream a few weeks ago, a woman came up behind me and started kissing me on the neck, and this produced immediate (real) arousal ... I woke up from it aroused and hard. That is a good sign. Still my only signs that all of the physical mechanisms that cause it are intact happen at night. I think I still have a very acute case of psychosomatic ED. Head down. Keep going.
 
Well today is the end of 8 months. I'm still going strong. Resistance is still necessary but it isn't difficult. I doubt my PIED is "cured" because there just isn't any action down there. But from some people I've listened to I realize that this could take as long as three years. It seems like I've come so far and yet it may be only 2/3 of 1/3 of the way there. That puts it in perspective. But I'm happy enough, and have other things to pour myself into. My wife is way post menopausal and really isn't driven at all toward sex and our relationship is a strong one that's based on LOTS of other stuff ... so I'm lucky there in a way. That did contribute to (but didn't cause) my addiction - I thought I was doing something to help myself. I was not.

Just read a bit of a post in the womens' section of the forum where a lady said she'd remembered a scene from a porn film and it turned her on and she said she thought "that's the probably the kind of thing I'll go back to when I go back to porn" and then immediately "wait a minute, I'm *never* going back to it!". That rings really true here. I don't have vivid recollections of scenes and when I start to recall any I quickly try to change the subject in my mind. It works. But occasionally I'll think "well I wonder if I watched a little just to test my PIED progress". And I have to tell myself "no, that's not the way, man".

I do have a friend who says his wife has never been able to climax with just regular sex - she has to do it herself in the end. With my eyes opened by some of the people whose videos I've watched and posts I've read I have to wonder ... if she is addicted, too. I'll never know, but it never occurred to me as a possibility before. But, I digress.

I find I'm not needing to come here much for explicit encouragement to stay away from porn -- more for comraderie which in itself helps. I try to pop in every week or so just to see once again that I'm not alone and try to help someone who is calling for help with my own experience in life and with this. It saddens me when I read how much trouble people are having, and it makes me want to help.

Anyway, 8 months. That's not nothing. Keep going.
 
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Honey98$

Member
Well today is the end of 8 months. I'm still going strong. Resistance is still necessary but it isn't difficult. I doubt my PIED is "cured" because there just isn't any action down there. But from some people I've listened to I realize that this could take as long as three years. It seems like I've come so far and yet it may be only 2/3 of 1/3 of the way there. That puts it in perspective. But I'm happy enough, and have other things to pour myself into. My wife is way post menopausal and really isn't driven at all toward sex and our relationship is a strong one that's based on LOTS of other stuff ... so I'm lucky there in a way. That did contribute to (but didn't cause) my addiction - I thought I was doing something to help myself. I was not.

Just read a bit of a post in the womens' section of the forum where a lady said she'd remembered a scene from a porn film and it turned her on and she said she thought "that's the probably the kind of thing I'll go back to when I go back to porn" and then immediately "wait a minute, I'm *never* going back to it!". That rings really true here. I don't have vivid recollections of scenes and when I start to recall any I quickly try to change the subject in my mind. It works. But occasionally I'll think "well I wonder if I watched a little just to test my PIED progress". And I have to tell myself "no, that's not the way, man".

I do have a friend who says his wife has never been able to climax with just regular sex - she has to do it herself in the end. With my eyes opened by some of the people whose videos I've watched and posts I've read I have to wonder ... if she is addicted, too. I'll never know, but it never occurred to me as a possibility before. But, I digress.

I find I'm not needing to come here much for explicit encouragement to stay away from porn -- more for comraderie which in itself helps. I try to pop in every week or so just to see once again that I'm not alone and try to help someone who is calling for help with my own experience in life and with this. It saddens me when I read how much trouble people are having, and it makes me want to help.

Anyway, 8 months. That's not nothing. Keep going.
Hello sir!!
What it's like now? Have you noticed any significant improvements?
 
Mmmm ... yeah, I think maybe some. We are to 10 months now. I can get halfway hard without any visual stimulation. Of course, my night wood is a different story. That never stopped, and it's all the way hard.

So clearly there is more brain damage to undo.
 
I've mentioned this before to anyone who needs help reframing their lives ... The Art of Manliness website and podcast (and frankly, a lot of it carries over to women as well, if there's no such resource for women).

This article popped up the other day, and it's a really good one. It applies here, as it's the same mental mechanism that gets us hooked on anything.

 
Well I should be super excited. I passed 11 months with no porn.

Now I will admit I never went no-fap ... but it hasn't been frequent and it never involves porn and I won't let myself fantasize about it. But zero porn for 11 months. That's something. But for some reason since it's not a full year, it seems a little ho-hum. I suppose in a way that's good.

I'm pretty sure things are improving. Mine I think is a particularly hard case, as I continued to use and use more and more extreme more often and for longer for ten years AFTER my PIED started. So I am not shocked that it's taking a long time, and there's a chance that not going hard-core no-fap has slowed it down. But this is my path.

No porn. 11 months, 6 days.
 

Oscar40

Active Member
I'm pretty sure things are improving. Mine I think is a particularly hard case, as I continued to use and use more and more extreme more often and for longer for ten years AFTER my PIED started. So I am not shocked that it's taking a long time, and there's a chance that not going hard-core no-fap has slowed it down. But this is my path.

No porn. 11 months, 6 days.



Hello. I'm very happy to hear it.

I remember a post from you where you said you felt "stuck", "incurable"

As you can see, you have improved.

It's right ?

How is everything ?
 
I think it's getting better. There have been, in the past couple of months, moments where mild triggers started to stir things down there. Nothing terribly dramatic, but from zero to something is an improvement. I'm in it for the long haul. There's no other way. This is the way out.

I have read it CAN take up to three years. Usually much faster, but understanding the mechanism through which I broke myself and how long that took and how long I re-enforced it after that started ... I get that it's going to be a journey.
 

Oscar40

Active Member
I have read it CAN take up to three years.



No man my dear friend, don't believe such false things. In these media you read a lot of fake things and fake news. I am one of those who think that people who spend all that time in that condition have other types of problems that they should address first of all. In that case the problem would not be the pornography and masturbations that you have done in the past, but underlying problems that must be worked on.

Personally, in my case it is very different: just 40 days of nofap and my mind and bodies feel libido again. And one of the reasons is because, my underlying problems maybe go more in another direction and not a problem of libido and erections precisely.


If you get it into your head that you need three years to have a healthy libido, at this point, you are sentencing yourself to three years with a self-fulfilling prophecy. I advise you not to think like that. You'll get better before then. I assure. Think of it that way.
 
No ... I don't have it in my head it will take three years. I have it in my head it MAY take three years. There is a difference.

I'm starting to get a little excited that 1 year is coming up pretty soon, and there has been positive movement.

For the record, the three year thing is from a psychologist who specializes in these things. It's not "fake news". She says it is not the norm, that most people recover much faster, but it CAN take that long in some cases. Knowing that it MAY take that long is a great help in keeping from giving up, becoming frustrated, or thinking this isn't working. Quitting in despair is probably the worst thing any of us can do.

I had, in the past, going no-fap (before I found out that it was probably the porn itself that was messing me up) for a month once, for 6 weeks once, and there was zero change at all either of those times.

I am seeing some changes. I'm hopeful.

And it's not like I've been "Sir Fapalot" during this time, either, but I AM considering adding that on here with my 1 year anniversary of being porn free.
 
Any plans for rewiring?
Kind of. I think it will be easier to let my wife in on what's happened after my year anniversary, saying "I've been off of it for a year".

My wife is older, way past menopause. Her drive is pretty much non-existent ... which contributed to my use, but I am NOT blaming her, do not misunderstand me here. I think my ED, which she is fully aware of, is actually kind of a relief to her in a way - though she does feel bad for me about it. I do have the trimix so it IS possible for us to have sex. Even that takes some work to get it up, up. Then when it does, it can be up for 12+ hours ... which if you've been following along in your readers I've noted is a LOT less fun than it sounds like. It hurts after a while. I have figured out that 20-30 minutes of moderate cardio can get rid of it... but it is a bit of an ordeal.

So there is this. Any "rewiring" will have to be done with her. There is no other option in my moral sphere. And that's where I am at this point.
 
So here's the deal. One year anniversary being off the porn was June 1 ... but I was out of town, away from data, and I've been busy since we got back ... so no "yay for me" post that day.

Which ... I mean, that's a good thing, right? I'm out doing stuff. This effort (while still important) becomes less and less important as far as its place on my mind the longer I've done it. I like it. That is to be expected.

With that under my belt, I'm thinking maybe I need to go a little harder core since improvement of the PIED has been noticeable, but negligible. And by going more hard core that will mean actively trying to avoid online photos in ads of scantily clad women trying to look provocative. That's hard to do, because ... well because sex sells and it's everywhere. And I make my living at the computer and use the internet constantly.

What am I expecting? Am I "unwired" and need to "rewire"? This weekend I stood next to a very pretty young lady in a bikini (no, the bikini was on her ;-) ) this weekend and talked with her for quite a while about all kinds of things while we watched friends jump into the river ... how we grew up, love of outdoors, family ... should there have been the slightest physical response? I don't know. Probably when I was 17, but I'm over 3 times that age now. It's just that only very rarely do I get any sort of even tingle down there .... while I'll often get perfectly hard night wood for the reasons that occurs ... sigh.

I suppose what I'm looking for in the end is to somehow get it to come to full mast without porn (or thinking about it -- which I DO avoid).

Well, gotta keep working at it. Tweak. Adjust. See how it goes.

One year, though! Yay, me!
 

Oscar40

Active Member
should there have been the slightest physical response? I don't know. Probably when I was 17, but I'm over 3 times that age now. It's just that only very rarely do I get any sort of even tingle down there .... while I'll often get perfectly hard night wood for the reasons that occurs ... sigh.



I am 40 years old. I never remember in my life, not even when I was a teenager getting a boner just by seeing an attractive woman on the street.

That may never happen to you, however, that is not a sign of sexual dysfunction.

By the way: I grew up without porn, I used it very late in my life, in fact I still use it very occasionally.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey Swornoff,

First of all, fantastic job on getting to a year porn free, that's quite the accomplishment.

But to your point about wondering if you should or should not feel anything down there, I really don't think that's something you should worry about. I have sometimes felt a little action down there if attractive ladies were walking by or if I was talking to them, but never a full on boner. Further, that feeling isn't a constant experience, but depends on the mood I was in, and again, only a slight bit of movement down there, and not at all a full on erection. I think random boners for the most part end after our teenage years, and thank god for that! That would have been pretty damn embarrassing if you had a full on boner talking to that girl in the bikini. :)

I think the thing to remember is that we are all different and have varying levels of our natural vitality that we're all trying to get back to. Comparing ourselves to others isn't really the answer. The only person that matters in the equation is your owe libido that you're trying to regain.

As for me, what I've learned over the last while is the further I get away from porn, the more I realize that life isn't always sexual, sometimes I'm feeling down, sometimes I'm busy with other important things like school, and yes, sometimes, I'm really horney!

Just my two cents.
 

Oscar40

Active Member
Hey Swornoff,

First of all, fantastic job on getting to a year porn free, that's quite the accomplishment.

But to your point about wondering if you should or should not feel anything down there, I really don't think that's something you should worry about. I have sometimes felt a little action down there if attractive ladies were walking by or if I was talking to them, but never a full on boner. Further, that feeling isn't a constant experience, but depends on the mood I was in, and again, only a slight bit of movement down there, and not at all a full on erection. I think random boners for the most part end after our teenage years, and thank god for that! That would have been pretty damn embarrassing if you had a full on boner talking to that girl in the bikini. :)

I think the thing to remember is that we are all different and have varying levels of our natural vitality that we're all trying to get back to. Comparing ourselves to others isn't really the answer. The only person that matters in the equation is your owe libido that you're trying to regain.

As for me, what I've learned over the last while is the further I get away from porn, the more I realize that life isn't always sexual, sometimes I'm feeling down, sometimes I'm busy with other important things like school, and yes, sometimes, I'm really horney!

Just my two cents.

Very very Good. I´ts totally true yours thinks.
 
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