Becoming the person I need to be

Not a Rabbi

Active Member
I remember hearing about a woman who had tried to quit smoking for years. One day she decided she really wanted to be done, so she got a friend to help her come up with something she would have to do that would be really distateful to her if she smoked again. She decided on making a donation to the KKK. In the end, she was able to quit smoking without ever donating to the KKK because she was so replused by the idea. I think she actually gave her friend a completely filled out check in case the worst happened.

Maybe you can think of an organization you would hate to donate to and find someone you trust that would gaurantee they would actually send the donation if they knew you had relapsed. Again, you would have to be committed to being truthful and looping people into your struggle.
Actually did find something in a similar vein and it's working! I took a vow (very serious matter in Jewish law) that if I relapse during the next week, I have to fast for a certain amount of time. This is working well; I won't break the vow, even if I (God forbid) relapsed I would 100% follow through because I took it on as an obligation. I am finding this very helpful.
 

Not a Rabbi

Active Member
Clean for 6 days now! My vow is keeping me from actually relapsing, and I intend to renew it, but I have had lots of urges. I need to work out tonight and have an effective work day to keep my mood up and suppress the urges.
 

Not a Rabbi

Active Member
7 days no PMO! Grateful to God, the forum community, and my support network for getting me this far. Renewed my vow also, to last until the end of the year. Happy holidays to those celebrating.
 

Not a Rabbi

Active Member
17 days no PMO... unreal. This is the longest I've abstained from MO since high school. The vow I've been renewing keeps me from actually going over the edge despite lots of urges.
 

Not a Rabbi

Active Member
Now at 20 days, amazing! I recently realized that I had been edging a lot, which I don't consider to be a relapse; however, it 100% does impede my progress and worsen urges. Since noticing this 2 days ago I have been able to refrain and my urges to relapse haven't been as bad. I've also continued to see much better mood and less urges on busy days, so I'm working to keep busy.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Nice! 20 days is a great accomplishment! Remember, no matter how stressful you might get, the aftershocks of looking at porn make your stress levels 10x worse! You got this.
 

Not a Rabbi

Active Member
27 days! This is a crazy milestone for me, actually, because my longest ever streak (free of MO, been clean on P for longer) was 26 days when I went to a sleepaway camp with no privacy in high school. That was 8 years ago. I never could have imagined that I would actually beat that, but here I am. We're all gonna make it.
 

forestwater

Member
Congrats on your progress! Now that you've seen you can do it for 27 days, it should be clear that you can do it for even longer. Embrace the joy that freedom brings!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
27 days! This is a crazy milestone for me, actually, because my longest ever streak (free of MO, been clean on P for longer) was 26 days when I went to a sleepaway camp with no privacy in high school. That was 8 years ago. I never could have imagined that I would actually beat that, but here I am. We're all gonna make it.
I'm so happy for you! So much of this is in the mind. When we realize we can go a certain amount of time, it becomes so much easier to continue. It's like proverbs 6:5 says, "Get yourself free like a gazelle from a hunter, like a bird from the hand of a fowler." I believe it's referring to debt in this verse, but substitute porn, and It's a great analogy. If porn is a lion and you are a gazelle, you better run like like your life depends on it. Porn does nothing for you. Great job man!
 

Not a Rabbi

Active Member
32 days!

@canguro good question, there are several things. At the start of this streak I took a religious oath that I will fast for a day if I P or MO that I renew weekly--obviously not everyone can take on such a thing. Some of the other big things have been to generally address my mental health issues that cause me to seek comfort in PMO. I used to check the news all the time, but now I set a time once a week (started as twice a week) when I get to read the news; at all other times I don't read it. This has had a huge impact--the world doesn't look as bad now and my anxiety and depression have gone down. This is really underrated, I think it's important to be informed, but honestly most people are too informed. I also, do to various reasons, am paying higher rent now and have had to increase my work hours--I'm a freelancer so I can work as much or as little as I want. This was a rough transition but I don't really have less time to relax, I've just cut out my procrastination. These are my big recent changes--already have improved sleep, exercise, deleted social media, put my phone in grayscale/disabled the browser; these are all huge also.

Also, I just keep reminding myself that PMO will not fix my problems, it only makes them worse!
 

Not a Rabbi

Active Member
I'm so happy for you! So much of this is in the mind. When we realize we can go a certain amount of time, it becomes so much easier to continue. It's like proverbs 6:5 says, "Get yourself free like a gazelle from a hunter, like a bird from the hand of a fowler." I believe it's referring to debt in this verse, but substitute porn, and It's a great analogy. If porn is a lion and you are a gazelle, you better run like like your life depends on it. Porn does nothing for you. Great job man!
Very true! The commentator Rashi adds to this verse that the gazelle and the bird have to quickly make a clean escape, or they won't make it. We can't hold on to any part of our porn addiction or we'll just get caught again.
 

dopaminer

Member
Just wanted to echo what others have said, your progress is awesome! So glad to hear you're doing well, and feeling great about it! It's great to hear about what kinds of systems are working for other people. I hadn't even considered how much the news affects me, and I realize that I am, like you were, constantly checking the news. I think I may have to employ a system like you have. Checking the news only a few set times a week, to cut down on some of the unnecessary stress that comes from empathisizing with and internalizing all the terrible stuff I read every day. Cheers!
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Just wanted to echo what others have said, your progress is awesome! So glad to hear you're doing well, and feeling great about it! It's great to hear about what kinds of systems are working for other people. I hadn't even considered how much the news affects me, and I realize that I am, like you were, constantly checking the news. I think I may have to employ a system like you have. Checking the news only a few set times a week, to cut down on some of the unnecessary stress that comes from empathisizing with and internalizing all the terrible stuff I read every day. Cheers!
This is so true for me, and something I have to constantly be on guard for. What we consume each day, is a reflection of our future thoughts that day, and let's face it, the news is nothing positive. It's an entire industry built on lies, negativity, and making money on our fears. Of course, there's nothing wrong with the news or keeping up with politics etc., but once again, it's about tuning in to yourself and asking "Can I handle this emotionally today?" If the answer is no, turn it off immediately, why even go down that road? And you're right Not a Rabbi, the world is not nearly as bad as it seems, when we turn that noise off and go out into the world and interact with real humans.
 

Not a Rabbi

Active Member
Thanks guys. One of the things I heard that changed my perspective re: the news is that anxiety is basically knowing about something that you can't do anything about. Being as connected as we are, we know more and more, but we can still do about the same amount. No wonder everyone is so stressed all the time...
 

Not a Rabbi

Active Member
35 days, still so amazed and grateful to God and the forum community for getting me this far. I almost relapsed with MO both of the last two mornings. In response I need to get back on my 12 step journal work and get better sleep so I'm not so groggy/unaware of what I'm doing. Maybe I should also put a reminder by my bed that I see right away, maybe a Torah verse or something.
 
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