Changing for the Best

I managed to stick with it yesterday despite all the urges and temptation. Monday's are my hardest day as I'm alone pretty much the entire day at home. I felt like my feelings yesterday were never going to end! Thankfully I woke up this morning feeling much different. If I can get through a day like that then I can definitely get through anything as long as I plan to persevere.
 
Sounds like you are doing great, man. I've noticed the longer the streak goes, the more resistant I am about breaking it.

Are you working at home? Or idle? If you're idle, you need to come up with something you do every Monday that changes that. Work on somethig you've always wanted to work on.

Or focus on something at work you've long thought needed to be done but haven't made the time to do yet.
 

46and2

Active Member
Lonliness is a big trigger for me too so I congratulate you greatly on sticking out the discomfort and seeing what was on the other side. Well done brother!
 
35 days free of porn and I feel pretty good. I did MO a few days ago but tried to block out those porn fantasy memories from my head and focus on the feeling instead. I was worried that I might feel a chaser effect from it and come away feeling the pressure to use again but I have more reached a flatline phase and not feeling very sexual at all. Yesterday I was able to go back into the field at work instead of working from home like I have been since I broke my collar bone. It felt really good to get outside and participate in something that felt more like normal work activity. It was a good way to spend my normally long Mondays alone.
 
Been doing okay lately, it’s been hard though. I had some porn sub and fantasy issues due to random images and video advertisements on a website from a link sent to me by work email. I’ve been feeling good about pushing away those things from my daily life but I guess this one caught me off guard. I did MO before this event and I guess that the chaser effect didn’t help either. Maybe I should reset the counter and refocus on my goals once again. I kind of feel like I ruined the good roll I was on but I’m not going to try to give it more attention than it deserves. On a better note, I have been seeing a therapist and it helps to have someone to talk to about my anger, porn, and other issues in my life.
 
I’m starting my count over due to the MO session I had the other day from some P sub material. I want to be honest with myself and not downplay the experience for what it is. I’ve felt some hesitancy to post out of embarrassment but I can’t let it ruin this good thing I have going for my recovery. So I’ve decided that I will go hard mode since MO caused me to slip. I went 41 days before the relapse, so as an initial goal I will go 42 days hard mode.
 
I confessed to my wife today about my recent slip up and although I’m ultimately glad I did it was an emotional tour de force. We talked a lot about how in the past I would use porn and fantasy to help me achieve climax even during sex with my now wife but girlfriend at the time. She felt used and betrayed and still has trouble trusting me to this day because of it. In the past I could get defensive about this or avoid confessing to her in order to avoid the inevitable emotional roller coaster. She recognizes my progress however, and I guess I was a little surprised by her reaction. I guess I expected her to be less emotional, which isn’t fair to her because that’s what I wanted. It’s good for me really, because it reminds me of the consequences of my actions; that even though it felt like a small slip for me it still has a deep emotional reaction to her and I have to respect that. This should be my biggest motivation. Even though I can make progress the smallest slip up has dire consequences to my marriage. It isn’t just me battling this addiction alone, she is there with me, emotionally invested as well and if I don’t straighten up she won’t be.
 
Feeling better today. Been actively reading on the forum and getting some inspiration to renew my goals. Since I’ve been working from home and recovering from my broken bone I have spent much more time at home in a lull. I used to be very active and that was stalled during my recovery from surgery. I’m feeling much more capable and I’m going to jog every week and go on long bike rides and daily exercises at home. I will wake up and shower first thing and meditate instead of sitting around at my work laptop in my pajamas all day. More reading and playing music with less screen time. I can do all of these things to combat my urges when they arise and feel so much better about myself by doing them on a regular basis. Right now I lack much of a productive routine if any at all and that’s ususally what makes me happiest is being productive and seeing results from daily motivation. I’m going to get off my ass and start living again!
 
My wife and I have been spending much more time together these past couple days. She's had her first break from school in a long time and we actually have time to spend together over a couple of week days. We went on a hike yesterday and had a great time. When we came back home we had a back to back intercourse session. I can't even remember the last time that happened. I always felt I didn't have the energy for it or I was too distracted with porn to even have sex once on a regular basis. Since yesterday and this morning we have been very loving and affectionate with each other and things have just been awesome!
 

zackergeet

Active Member
T
My wife and I have been spending much more time together these past couple days. She's had her first break from school in a long time and we actually have time to spend together over a couple of week days. We went on a hike yesterday and had a great time. When we came back home we had a back to back intercourse session. I can't even remember the last time that happened. I always felt I didn't have the energy for it or I was too distracted with porn to even have sex once on a regular basis. Since yesterday and this morning we have been very loving and affectionate with each other and things have just been awesome!
That is absolutely great keep it like that!
 
I decided to change the title of my thread today. I felt the old title was given by a person who was desperate for help and not sure what to do or where to find it. Now that I have been working the system and really putting in effort to improve myself I wanted to put forth a title that reflects that. Here's to changing for not just the better but changing for the best man that I can be!
 
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