Changing for the Best

canguro

Active Member
I feel you, man. What you wrote there is something I would write. Things go well and then BAM! One little thing happens and everything collapses. It's the small rock that overturns the big cart. I've been thinking, maybe it's something more than just one small wrong step.
I think it is more than just one small wrong step. When you are so unstable, that every small wrong step lets you slip, then there is a bigger problem in my opinion.
I think what's really important is a) not sitting around getting bored, but to use your time to build a new, healthy lifestyle and to keep oneself occupied and b) building up negative emotions towards P, the loosers it makes people and the sex industry in general. That is stabilizing you, so one small wrong step won't let you slip.
I tell it like everyone and I don't know how beneficial it is for overs, but for me it was sooo helpfull: In the first two months I read nearly the whole partners section of this forum. Reading from all those women about their addicted husbands/boyfriends helped me to get a view from another perspective on what loosers we addicts become, how we hurt our partners with our behaviour and how laughable it is, to rather sit alone and beat your meat to this pervert and disgusting shit than engage with real women. And this realization keeps me on track, because I never want to go back and be this person I have to be ashamed of.
 

guiganvoger

Active Member
I get what you mean. It's much deeper than just a couple PMO's. The problem lies in complacency and attitude. I appreciate what your saying and it gives me something to think about much more in my lifestyle choices and mindset.
 

guiganvoger

Active Member
1 week in and things are going pretty well so far. I have been using my time pretty well with distractions. I'm exercising, going on bike rides, lifting weights. I'm reading more and trying to get more active socially. I went on a group bike ride event and talked to a few people and I also signed up for a race that is happening next month.

I'm going to be starting a new morning routine that my therapist gave me. He recommended that I use this as a tool to start approaching my urges with the intent to stay in that feeling and recognize what the greater picture is. As in where is this discomfort coming from? Why do I feel the need to use porn when I do? In part it comes from this lack of dopamine that my brain is craving but there are other ways in which I can fill that need. I need to address what my deeper emotions are when it comes to my desire to use. So, I guess the I hope to find out in the coming days.
 

guiganvoger

Active Member
Made it to the 21 day mark! Feeling thankful for the process. I am setting my new goal for a month. Gonna be sticking with it till December 4th, when I reset my goal again. I’m planning on taking things one day to one week at a time which really helps me feel like my previous streaks are attainable. The ultimate goal Is to reach my last streak at 42 days and even beyond that.
 

guiganvoger

Active Member
Things have been good during my 23-day streak now but I'm feeling a little plateaued. I have been using masturbation as a kind of tool to stifle my urges that arise. I'm discovering that this is only taking care of the symptom and not the real issue. Although, masturbation has helped me not feel like I need to use porn, it does prevent me from feeling sexual as a person and reaching to my wife as an outlet for my sexual needs (not to mention hers).

I think that I might still use masturbation as a tool in order to combat deep emergency urges that might get out of control. In that way I can hopefully have a strong sexual connection with my wife and keep dangerously strong urges as something that can be taken care of with a better replacement to porn. One that isn't meant to become a habit but that is a natural thing and can become disassociated from the desire for porn to become a feeling of desire to have sex when my wife isn't around. It's like a savings account that I can draw from on the rare occasion to buy myself something special but mostly I am saving it to spend on presents for my wife. She totally deserves it.
 

guiganvoger

Active Member
I got a job offer today for an important job in my field! I have been trying and working very hard at advancing in my profession and today it all finally paid off. It's very validating and is going to do wonders for my esteem and confidence.
 

guiganvoger

Active Member
I have been feeling a slip in my motivation lately in general. I haven't been eating well and have fallen off the daily routines my therapist had given me. It's ok though, it's something that I recognize and can get back at it again with a little exercise and reminder what I'm doing this all for.
 

guiganvoger

Active Member
I have been masturbating too much lately. I tried to have sex with my wife but got performance anxiety and wasn't able to keep erect very well. I need to dust myself off. I need to get back to a routine. This usually helps me build positive habits. My therapist suggested to start out every day by thinking what success looks like for me. Obviously, success is not using porn or masturbation, it is being mindful and sticking to healthier habits and improving myself. Thinking about this every day could help me be more aware of my temptations and put things into a better perspective of how to utilize my time.
 

guiganvoger

Active Member
The past few days I have been able to relax more and be intimate with my wife. We are trying again for a baby, so lots of sex every day. Sex seems like such a mental game right now. I felt before like I wasn't approaching my wife for sex because I wasn't sure of my abilities and didn't want to disappoint her. I felt like after a few tries I was way more able to get into the mood and just feel natural. It was hard at first not to overthink and worry about the whole process. It was a struggle to not only not disappoint my wife but also have our future child be put in the mix as well.

All in all, I think I learned that I can still be a sexual person with my wife if I choose to be. It is up to me to make that choice. When I do choose to be sexually active with my wife, I feel better about our relationship and being sexual. I crave porn and masturbation less when I have a proper outlet for my sexuality.
 

guiganvoger

Active Member
I have had ups and downs through this process but I don't know really what to attribute success to because I'm not sure I have actually achieved it. Sometimes I feel like a fucking fake trying to encourage people on this site. It helps to speak to people and I think I can sometimes help them but I can't help but shake the feeling of being a phonie. I know I can be better but will I change everything that's wrong with me before I completely ruin my life.

The best thing I have in my world is my wife and I can't seem to treat her with the respect she deserves. I guess I can't treat myself with the respect I deserve either. I guess they must be related. If I change my diet will I then be happy? If I work out more how about then? If I quit acting like a piece of shit? How about my attitude? If I fake being fine will I eventually actually be fine? Will I ever quit being a bag of fuck?
 

guiganvoger

Active Member
Sorry for the drama on the earlier post; I had some shit to work through. I have been inspired by Empty Room's goal tables and decided to copy his idea and recreate my own. This is my own version:
GOALSMONTUEWEDTHURFRISATSUNTOTALS
Eat a home cooked meal
0%​
Read before bed
0%​
Meditate 10 min
0%​
Exercise 30 min
0%​
Study 15 min
0%​
Wake up 8am on days off
0%​
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
I know the feeling, guiganvoger.

Sometimes I feel that I myself could lapse, or there are times of weakness, and all my ‘help’ could be seen as hypocrisy.

But we do the best that we can. There’s a saying in recovery,

Fake it until you make it.

I think it’s like that. But as long as we help others, we’re just a little less selfish.
 

guiganvoger

Active Member
It's been awhile since I've been on the site. It's also been awhile since I've had success away from PMO. I have been on a terrible binge both porn and health wise. I'm exercising more but my diet has been terrible. I think that I eat to distract my self from feeling bad about using.

Anyway, today is back to day 3 and I still plan to use my goal table from before that I created but actually have not used yet. In order to do better for myself it is necessary to follow a plan. I don't plan on counting every day on here because I think it makes me think about things in terms of my last streak and I start the o play a numbers game instead of building patterns of good habits. So I will instead be focusing on my goals and the success rate I have with those every week. I hope this will fill me with more inspiration to become my better self and stay away from the development of bad daily choices.
 
Last edited:

guiganvoger

Active Member
Here is my progress for the week so far withy goals:
Exercise 30 min - 4/4
Home made meal - 3/4
Read before bed - 3/4
Meditate 10 min - 0/4
Study 15 min - 0/4

I haven't been meditating and I'm thinking of changing this to some sort of wellness practice each day. I also haven't been studying something each day either. I think I can change that as well to something like engaging in a creative task such as music, writing, art, or learning something new.
 
Top