Return to reality

vidvan13

Active Member
Day 1: I am staring my journey today, Aug 26 2021. I am making an admission today that I am addicted. I am accepting today that I feel trapped. I am concluding that I can't do it myself and I need help. I do not feel ashamed, but I do not have the courage to share this with my friends and family. I have seen them in pain, because of me. I am a good person and I want my peace back. I also admit that I have ED during real encounters while my escape to porn makes me feel normal. ED scares me, but the pain in my heart scares me equally. I am hurting everybody around me. I want to return to reality. Help me.

I am a working profession with a secret life of complete escape. I have good friends. I have not been able to identify the core reason for my addiction but I do remember overusing it since my collage days, 20 years ago. It can be once a day, or a few times. It has made me under-productive and I can count more than a few instances where I missed on in real life due to my addiction. I have tried to quit but somehow rationalized to go back. I have only recently admitted having a fogged over stressed brain, but I can see it has been such for a long time. I believe I can overcome this, but I do need help.

I am going to answer these question everyday, when I post. I promise to be honest.

  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? NO TRIGGERS TODAY
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? I TALKED TO MY FRIEND WHO I VALUE MORE THAN ANYBODY.
  • What am I grateful for today? MY FRIEND WHO WOKE ME UP TO REAL LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP.
  • Day counter! DAY 1
 

Not a Rabbi

Member
You've made a great choice to begin this journey! Admitting that you have a problem is the crucial first step to recovery. It's not an easy process but you have the power within you to make it through. There's lots of great resources online, including here, that are huge helps. Don't lose sight of your goal and keep going!
 

vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? slight triggers today when I was hungry. Cooked and ate.
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? talked to my friend. Watched videos by Dr Trish Leigh
  • What am I grateful for today? finding the courage.
  • Day counter! DAY 2
 

vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? I fantasized of an old encounter.
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? I moved to a public place to avoid any action on temptation.
  • What am I grateful for today? understanding love.
  • Day counter! DAY 3-4
 

vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? none today
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? I worked.
  • What am I grateful for today? the calm I felt.
  • Day counter! DAY 5
 

vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? old thoughts of acts
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? I worked.
  • What am I grateful for today? love.
  • Day counter! DAY 6
 

vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? urge
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? saw Dr. Trish's videos
  • What am I grateful for today? being able to resist
  • Day counter! DAY 7
 

vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? some thoughts that came over.
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? saw Dr. Trish's videos, pinched myself.
  • What am I grateful for today? connecting with an old friend.
  • Day counter! DAY 8
 

vidvan13

Active Member
Morning brothers! I am anticipating withdrawal, but haven't had any yet. I do see some triggers here and there but no strong urges. I have MW and haven't seen much of what was talked about. Some guidance please.
 

vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? women on the road.
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? saw Dr. Trish's videos, pinched myself.
  • What am I grateful for today? determination I showed today.
  • Day counter! DAY 9
 

vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? women around.
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? negative feedback.
  • What am I grateful for today? meeting an old friend.
  • Day counter! DAY 10
 

vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? loneliness
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? went out
  • What am I grateful for today? some profitable trades.
  • Day counter! DAY 11
 

ddaamm

Member
Hi vidvan,

I don't think loneliness is a trigger, but it could be one trigger your response to loneliness. For example, when I feel lonely I tend to spend time on instagram: this lend me to watch pictures of "happy" people and this exacerbate the loneliness feeling and maybe I watch pictures of hot girls... and we know where this will end.

My advice is: as you have identified loneliness as a potential source of triggers, think about how you can fill your time alone with valuable activity (working out, reading, sleeping good, have a walk while listening to some interesting podcast...)... you will find yourself less lonely (or, start considering time alone as a "good" time to live, not a source of loneliness) and you will have less triggers.

Ciao
 

vidvan13

Active Member
Hi vidvan,

I don't think loneliness is a trigger, but it could be one trigger your response to loneliness. For example, when I feel lonely I tend to spend time on instagram: this lend me to watch pictures of "happy" people and this exacerbate the loneliness feeling and maybe I watch pictures of hot girls... and we know where this will end.

My advice is: as you have identified loneliness as a potential source of triggers, think about how you can fill your time alone with valuable activity (working out, reading, sleeping good, have a walk while listening to some interesting podcast...)... you will find yourself less lonely (or, start considering time alone as a "good" time to live, not a source of loneliness) and you will have less triggers.

Ciao
Thanks for the great advice. I agree that I did not have anything planned to do at that time, which made me feel so. I am going to try to fill time with things to do. This is a self discovery journey for me as well, along with the reboot. Once I started to think about my feelings and emotions behind, a lot of things are becoming clear to me. Thanks for the support!
 

vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? women around.
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? negative feedback.
  • What am I grateful for today? simple home cooked food.
  • Day counter! DAY 12
 

vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? old thoughts.
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? by understanding my limitations.
  • What am I grateful for today? having been loved by a very kind person.
  • Day counter! DAY 13-14
 

vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? vulgar advertisements.
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? looked away.
  • What am I grateful for today? meeting old friends for dinner.
  • Day counter! DAY 15
 

vidvan13

Active Member
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? some random image that popped up on my phone.
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? evaluated my feelings and then decided not to pursue them.
  • What am I grateful for today? cooking dinner and eating it.
  • Day counter! DAY 16
 
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