Return to reality

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SexualHealing

Active Member
vidvan13 said:
This week I tried to answer the question 'can I have an erection without porn?' and the answer is yes. That is a big win, because it was not true before. The stimulus to natural touch is back. I guess, this will improve further over time. I also tried to expose myself to some triggers to look at what I am thinking and how I am responding. I notice that I am a lot more interested now in the interaction of people even when watching movies - like how people kiss, what are they doing with their hands, eyes etc. Mind you, these things still tempt me, but I still wanted to approach it with mindfulness, a couple of times, to see what happens. There was risk in it, but I was able to observe myself to some extent neutrally and make mental notes. Morning wood has been regular and associated erections hard. I have had two episodes of nightfall, probably because all the experimentation I did remained somewhere, subconsciously, in my mind. Erections don't recede easily now, but they are still harder if I have an external stimulus like fantasy or image I saw earlier - probably meaning there is still some scope to recover. I will experiment more but after the holiday season. It is time to let the bells ring meanwhile.

On the work front, I am still taking baby steps towards my goals. But I can see things moving now. This is a nice rush for me. I always use to think I am a procrastinator, instead I was mainly mind numbed by PMO. There is more want and desire to do stuff now. There is more motivation for sure. My gym and yoga routine is solid and I really enjoy it. I focus on healthy eating and genuine conversations with coworkers. Also, I will be updating once a week now on this forum to keep myself disciplined. I feel good, but I do see room to improve on this journey. This continues.
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You're awesome!! I like the weekly updates, ill do the same, I'm copying youuuuu 🧗‍♀️
 
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vidvan13

Active Member
Fellas, I am doing great. Life has not been better for me. There is so much more time I have now to do things, I always wanted to do. There are always those triggers, and moments of grief that can make me weak, but I face them them. I face my emotions and I am at peace with them; they let me counter the triggers. I know, this is a real life and that is what I want. I have been productive and going to the gym regularly. Omicron scare has subsided to a large extent in my area, but I am getting the booster next week. Holiday season is here and I feel generous. I tipped all the people who serve me around, because I really felt grateful for what they do for me. I have been reading books and working on my project. Truth telling season is here and I hope to tackle it as well. See you all in the new year with a lot of purpose. Will get some writing going as well. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year friends.
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? None
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
  • What am I grateful for today? looking forward to the holiday week
  • Day counter! DAY 102
 
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vidvan13

Active Member
Guys, I am here we some updates. Holiday season was great. I really enjoyed every moment of it and lived the joy of it. I don't want to make any new year resolutions. I am happy with what I am doing now, I just want to continue that. I opened up to my friend about my past and went in detail about my ordeal and addiction. At the end of it she said she is proud of me. That made me so happy. There are a few more conversations I need to have to move this forward. I have been reading some books but have not had time to write down some of my thoughts, i will pick up soon. I have had another night fall one of these days and my morning wood and erections are strong. I still feel a little anxious about venturing out. Need to give it some more thought, why I think so. Keep well and enjoy the new year.
  • Did I use porn today? NO
  • What were my triggers? None
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress?
  • What am I grateful for today? great holiday week.
  • Day counter! DAY 110
 
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vidvan13

Active Member
This week has been so tempting for me. I returned to work and have found it hard to motivate myself to work. This, I think, played to my stress buildup. I looked at a few things here and there on my phone, rationalizing that it was not P. It was the same old pattern, I noticed. Me trying to escape. The same search behavior, the same escalation. Soon I was looking at P. I gave in for a few moments letting myself astray, but then I took a deep breath again and thought - what does this mean, why is it so? After so much work why am I walking the same path again? It was really difficult to pull myself back, the lure is unending and ever present. But I stopped and gave myself the space to think over it. Here is my conclusion - firstly, the deep reasons behind escapism need to be understood and resolved. Secondly, the habit part need to be rewired. These two are separate things and both need work! I will not resolve it in a day, I will have to walk the talk slowly, resolutely and meticulously. I need to take the opportunity to let these minor setbacks tell me what is still lying underneath and develop a coping mechanism which can let me live a wholesome life. I am so proud of my resolve. Stay strong guys!

  • Did I use porn today? strayed a bit but pulled back
  • What were my triggers? stress of work
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? I took deep breaths and evaluated what I was doing
  • What am I grateful for today? looking to get back into work mode
  • Day counter! DAY 113
 
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