All Things Are Possible

Day 0

I'm struggling to get back on the horse. No M put keep looking at pics online. I sorta want to just go all the way to be done with it but I know it doesn't work that way. This sucks.

A few months back, I was in a real low & the hopelessness of being done with this was bringing up suicidal thoughts. I'm not there now but I really really don't want to go back there.

So, again, I restart. Just need to make it through today.
 

Phineas 808

Respected Member
Started following your journal, Squidward.

Resetting to 0, while it sucks, is sometimes a good way of starting fresh, refocusing on your intent to quit these habits. But always keep in mind the bigger picture, it's not really 0, as you've already started the battle, already have been trying to quit. That's never a 0.

Keep at it!
 
Day 0

I find it really hard to get back on track.
And when I get into this space, I just start to notice how lonely I am. I love my wife and kids but I still feel alone. And when I feel alone, I want to just get lost in my own fantasies. But I know it never helps me feel better. At least not in the long run.

Going to start working out again come Monday. Hopefully it helps.
 
Day 1

It's the first good day in a while. I woke up, did a quiet time (reading through Romans after hearing some guys talk about it here.) and got my kids ready for the day. Mornings are usually a tough time for me but today I just felt focused.

I made a to do list and plan to just power through it. Keep myself focused and on task. Make it through day 1 and tackle tomorrow when it comes.

Thanks for all the honesty and support.
 
Day 2
Today was tougher than yesterday. Reading about people struggling with 10 days seems so pathetic but it's true.

I'm going to find one of the books that everyone talks about. At least it will give me something to do than scanning my phone.

I also have encouraged friends who I know are also struggling to give this site a try but then that makes it weird with my own journal. Maybe it will spark more honest conversation..

.
I also don't track MW but I think I might. IWhen it happens I try to ignore it cause then I wanna deal with it. Unsure my game plan

Thanks for all the support guys
 

Illmind

New Member
1st journal post.

I was first introduced to porn at the age of 7. My parents were both really open about sexuality and allowed me to explore porn. There was still feelings of shame & guilt but they didn't hide anything or punish me for looking at it.

Like most of the guys in this age category, I went through magazines, dial up, scrambled channels, and now internet and my phone.

My wife knows about my struggles but we don't talk about them. I also have a few guys that know about it but it doesn't really seem to help.

I'm currently on day 3 of not looking at porn or masturbating. Trying to take it one day at a time but I wanna be one of the guys saying it's been 100+ days.

Thanks for reading.
Good luck with your journey man, all the best
 

AJM

Active Member
Hello Squidward, Good that you relapsed - THATS ESSENTIAL.
Don't take it otherwise , what I mean to say is this is an opportunity.
Dont push and punish yourself for relapsing and doing the same shitty thing,
Go outdoors, Take a deep breaths and just reflect - do you really want to quit porn ?? & if the if it yes please answer WHY do you wish to quit ??
Give yourself time to ponder over this question a couple of days or week also.
This question has been pivitol in my journey so far.
Hope this helps .
Much love.
And please Don't beat up yourself for relapsing, Thanks it for the opportunity to reflect !!!
 
Day ?

I don't know if I want to count days cause it's kinda depressing. Like watching a pot boil....idk...I'm sorta just flailing around hoping something feels better (or easier)

Anyone else go through a period of not sleeping and bad dreams? My last few nights have been horrible. I'm also crazy grumpy which is making my family avoid me a bit. I'm buying the lie that "when I PMO, I'm a happier person, my family likes me better" I know it's a trick.

Thanks for all the positive responses and for all the honest on here. It's helpful
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Day ?

I don't know if I want to count days cause it's kinda depressing. Like watching a pot boil....idk...I'm sorta just flailing around hoping something feels better (or easier)

Anyone else go through a period of not sleeping and bad dreams? My last few nights have been horrible. I'm also crazy grumpy which is making my family avoid me a bit. I'm buying the lie that "when I PMO, I'm a happier person, my family likes me better" I know it's a trick.

Thanks for all the positive responses and for all the honest on here. It's helpful
I completely understand feeling like you were better when using porn. I had much the same feeling until the clouds in my brain finally lifted and I realized how much better I feel every day without using porn. It took me until about 100 days to start feeling that way though. Not all days were bad up to that point, but somewhere around there things changed. I really lost the urges to click over to porn and I barely think about it sitting in my home office day after day with the door closed. I used to have porn on one of my screens most days, even when I wasn't masturbating and now I don't even think about it. I get some triggers here and there, but mostly on my phone when I'm on Twitter. But easy enough to just click out of the troubling posts and move on. I linger here and there, but so far it has not set me back down the road to porn.

Wishing you the best. You'll get there, count the days, don't count the days. Totally up to you. But keep trying, keep journaling and hopefully things will start to click.
 
Yesterday and today have been difficult. It's hot here and I'm bored and my wife was out of the house for most of the day.

I didn't get into any P but I definitely circled around the edges. Which is now making today harder.

I don't get random erections but at my age I think that's fine? Sometimes it takes time to get it up in sex but I think it's just cause I'm so in my head. But hearing the stories, I do want to be more aware of the effects porn may have had on my body

I'm gonna get through today by keeping myself busy and focused. Thanks for all the support guys.
 

JerryTX

Active Member
Nice job Squidward! Boredom and alone time at the house can be tough. Keep yourself busy and occupied. Heck one day I had to leave the house and just went to Lowes to walk around.... Anything to avoid that demon! I have really focusing on the "edging" now and eliminating that habit as it is what led me to a lapse. No more!
 
Today hasn't been too difficult which is nice. Church was good and I've been cooking all day.

I am working through friends though. I have this urge to just cut everyone off. I don't want to be fake with them about how I am doing but I also don't want to go into my struggles. Which leaves me very emotional and unable to engage with them. So, today I'm taking a friend break. Somehow I feel that it's connected as I struggle with having healthy boundaries.

Does anyone else ever feel that way? That it's not just PMO but other aspect of life are spinning out of control? Ill let you know how I'm feeling tomorrow.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
I think everything is connected. It's hard to change a ton of things at once. I'm working on no PMO and MO while trying to exercise and eat better. I'm doing pretty good with the porn and exercise, but I still need to get better with my diet, but I'm getting there. Can't expect it all at once.

Keep moving forward!
 
Two morning of working out. Both were pretty crappy but it's a start. Mornings tend to be a tough time for me so being able to jump out of bed into a workout routine is helpful. I think that sometimes I've let PMO become part of a routine & I need to find something to replace it with. Obviously it doesn't fix all the triggers but it snaps me out of the routine of it.

I think I'm on day 8. 1 week. That's better than I've done in a while. Thanks for all the journalling guys. It's been helpful.
 

guitar1968

Active Member
Two morning of working out. Both were pretty crappy but it's a start. Mornings tend to be a tough time for me so being able to jump out of bed into a workout routine is helpful. I think that sometimes I've let PMO become part of a routine & I need to find something to replace it with. Obviously it doesn't fix all the triggers but it snaps me out of the routine of it.

I think I'm on day 8. 1 week. That's better than I've done in a while. Thanks for all the journalling guys. It's been helpful.
Sounds great. You're on the right path. Keep in going!
 

Ziggy116

Member
Two morning of working out. Both were pretty crappy but it's a start. Mornings tend to be a tough time for me so being able to jump out of bed into a workout routine is helpful. I think that sometimes I've let PMO become part of a routine & I need to find something to replace it with. Obviously it doesn't fix all the triggers but it snaps me out of the routine of it.

I think I'm on day 8. 1 week. That's better than I've done in a while. Thanks for all the journalling guys. It's been helpful.
Keep up the great work...I find that working out in the morning helps me alot.
 

JerryTX

Active Member
I think how you start your day completely determines your daily outcome. I know when I don't workout or start the day with negative activity/attitude the day generally follows. Good news is the same is true for the positive starts! You determine your start and make it a habit.

Nice work!
 
Struggling to work out and just struggled so bad with urges. It's been 12 days and I feel like I'm not gonna make it.
Someone mentioned that the urges come like a wave...which I guess makes sense cause it feels like it's just getting more intense the desire to PMO.
Which sucks cause a day or two ago, I felt really great. But now every other thought is to watch P and MO.
Gonna be on here a bunch today or maybe just hide my phone. Here's hoping tomorrow is better
 
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