So I went 3 weeks without it... And then I did it again. I'm not giving up. I got a glimpse of the time where I didn't have brain fog... Didn't feel lethargic.. woke up full of energy... I was ready to do stuff. I was slowly becoming a doer. But then I relapsed hard all of a sudden. I hate myself for doing this but I know it's not gonna help. So I'm making my first post here. I need advice on how to get rid of this bad habit. I wanna make it a lifestyle. This is a daily battle. I need to be prepared for this fight every day. I can't let it destroy my life. I can't let it slowly kill me from the inside.
I relapsed
- Thread starter Thedoer
- Start date
Ive Swornoff
Member
I'm not over it yet by a long shot. But it's been 101 days with no relapse. I am still hopeful. No I am convinced that eventually this will work.
But this is how I got this far. Basically you've got to do a few big things. You've got to learn to hate p*** for what it's done to you so that when you say "no" to it you really mean it. I mean you got to get pissed off at it. This develops a reinforcing negative emotional response to it. I think it's part of healing.
You really do need to commit to it. And the first big sign you really committed is to delete any you have. Delete any bookmarks. Clear your browsing history. On every device. If you don't do this, you can't tell yourself you really mean it. And the reason you can't tell yourself that is because you don't.
So you've got to go all in.
The other thing you really need to do is find some constructive activities to do. Things you've always thought you should do. Self-improvement. Learn a new skill. Learning a new skill is not easy and it takes a lot of time and effort. I like artistic outlets like music, or wood carving. But there are lots of them.
You have to be able to form the word "NO" and shout It out loud in your head anytime you start telling yourself that it's okay, just this once or whatever. Or when you tell yourself you're really too weak and you can't help yourself. No you are not too weak. You gotta be your own coach. Your own drill sergeant.
I've been reading up more on this dopamine thing. I'm starting to wonder if we need to steer clear of all activities that produce a flood of dopamine, whether it's watching 24-hour news, constantly checking social media, or p*** itself. Because it ultimately screwed us up was desensitizing those receptors in our brains.
But one thing's for sure. You've really got to steer clear of p*** itself. Stand up. You can. And you WILL.
You DON'T need it. You just want it. And those are two different things. Find the will within yourself.
I don't know if you've heard the native American tale about the two wolves inside of you. A good wolf and a bad wolf, and which one will win? And the answer is, it's the one you feed.
Applies to all sorts of things.
Do not feed the one you want to lose.
It's NOT okay, just this once.
But this is how I got this far. Basically you've got to do a few big things. You've got to learn to hate p*** for what it's done to you so that when you say "no" to it you really mean it. I mean you got to get pissed off at it. This develops a reinforcing negative emotional response to it. I think it's part of healing.
You really do need to commit to it. And the first big sign you really committed is to delete any you have. Delete any bookmarks. Clear your browsing history. On every device. If you don't do this, you can't tell yourself you really mean it. And the reason you can't tell yourself that is because you don't.
So you've got to go all in.
The other thing you really need to do is find some constructive activities to do. Things you've always thought you should do. Self-improvement. Learn a new skill. Learning a new skill is not easy and it takes a lot of time and effort. I like artistic outlets like music, or wood carving. But there are lots of them.
You have to be able to form the word "NO" and shout It out loud in your head anytime you start telling yourself that it's okay, just this once or whatever. Or when you tell yourself you're really too weak and you can't help yourself. No you are not too weak. You gotta be your own coach. Your own drill sergeant.
I've been reading up more on this dopamine thing. I'm starting to wonder if we need to steer clear of all activities that produce a flood of dopamine, whether it's watching 24-hour news, constantly checking social media, or p*** itself. Because it ultimately screwed us up was desensitizing those receptors in our brains.
But one thing's for sure. You've really got to steer clear of p*** itself. Stand up. You can. And you WILL.
You DON'T need it. You just want it. And those are two different things. Find the will within yourself.
I don't know if you've heard the native American tale about the two wolves inside of you. A good wolf and a bad wolf, and which one will win? And the answer is, it's the one you feed.
Applies to all sorts of things.
Do not feed the one you want to lose.
It's NOT okay, just this once.
Last edited:
Ive Swornoff
Member
Maybe there is something about 3 weeks, I don't know. But what I do know is that you have to commit to being stronger than whatever that something is when 3 weeks comes around.
Ive Swornoff
Member
BTW, don't hate yourself.
Hate the behavior. Hate the easy allure of what seems like quick gratification that only amplifies and prolongs the problem. The problem that you hate.
The urges are natural. The strength of them has been amplified by the trained neuro paths your behavior has created over the years. Hate those. Want to destroy them. And know that the way to do that is to stay the hell away from that behavior. Love what you want to do about it.
Because you love yourself. And you want a better life for you.
Hate the behavior. Hate the easy allure of what seems like quick gratification that only amplifies and prolongs the problem. The problem that you hate.
The urges are natural. The strength of them has been amplified by the trained neuro paths your behavior has created over the years. Hate those. Want to destroy them. And know that the way to do that is to stay the hell away from that behavior. Love what you want to do about it.
Because you love yourself. And you want a better life for you.
brook trout11
Member
Hang in there. This disease sucks. Maybe try to re-frame how you might (or I do, sometimes, at least) think about this addiction -- as a battle that I have to give up something that has ostensibly and temporarily provided me with an escape and pleasure hit of dopamine.
Instead, I have found it helpful to try to shift my perspective by hating this disease and hating porn. It has led me to do things that I don't want to be--dishonest, with myself and others. Grandiose--where I delusionally think my actions do not affect others--or worse--I don't care. Inconsiderate--when, I think the world is basically one among me--instead of myself as one among many. And frightened/self-seeking--where my overarching desire to escape that nervous feeling in my body--I narrow my options to live my life by largely focusing on what my addiction will do for me by "escaping" those feelings. I know life can be so much bigger than looking at yet another video, or 10, 20, etc. vidoes of...
All of these character defects enable my addiction to convince myself that looking at porn is ok--and no big deal--Even more, in a mutually reinforcing manner--following my addiction's insanity leads me to be the kind of person that I don't want to be--dishonest and doesn't care or think that my porn use has harmed myself and so many others in my life. And, I know that life is much bigger than just reducing my daily life choices to, "Well, I will just look at a few videos, escape, and then, get back to whatever."
In short, it helps me to not think of porn as something that has given me pleasure that I need to white knuckle it alone and try to give up on my own (this does not work) --but, rather--porn sucks--look at what it has done to me and made me harm so many in my life.
Instead, I have found it helpful to try to shift my perspective by hating this disease and hating porn. It has led me to do things that I don't want to be--dishonest, with myself and others. Grandiose--where I delusionally think my actions do not affect others--or worse--I don't care. Inconsiderate--when, I think the world is basically one among me--instead of myself as one among many. And frightened/self-seeking--where my overarching desire to escape that nervous feeling in my body--I narrow my options to live my life by largely focusing on what my addiction will do for me by "escaping" those feelings. I know life can be so much bigger than looking at yet another video, or 10, 20, etc. vidoes of...
All of these character defects enable my addiction to convince myself that looking at porn is ok--and no big deal--Even more, in a mutually reinforcing manner--following my addiction's insanity leads me to be the kind of person that I don't want to be--dishonest and doesn't care or think that my porn use has harmed myself and so many others in my life. And, I know that life is much bigger than just reducing my daily life choices to, "Well, I will just look at a few videos, escape, and then, get back to whatever."
In short, it helps me to not think of porn as something that has given me pleasure that I need to white knuckle it alone and try to give up on my own (this does not work) --but, rather--porn sucks--look at what it has done to me and made me harm so many in my life.
Last edited: