glad you are back miss! keep drinking your fluids and catching up on the extra sleep. And yesterday was a successful day 24 for you. You are rocking it!!Lost track.. I think I'm on day 23 or maybe 24?no pmo. Today was the first day since last Tuesday that I didn't have a high fever. Woo-hoo. I'm a dancer so the moment I felt good today I danced for a bit. Not the best idea but felt pretty alive. Haha. Anyway, I'm very grateful for the outpouring of love I've received this past week. Blessed for all the love. Sending y'all the same.
My journey to sexual healing ✨
- Thread starter SexualHealing
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SexualHealing
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Day 24! You're awesome, thank you! Yes, sleeping and drinking fluids; that's exactly what I've been doing. Gonna get through this my friend
have a great night 
SexualHealing
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Day 25!!!!!!! 
my first 30 days are around the corner. Very grateful 
been through a lot these last 25 days. It won't be easy, it won't be easy but PMO is not a choice no matter what is going on in my life!!! I miss cuddling, I miss being held and kiss and touched. Can't wait for covid to leave my body 🏝🏖
my first 30 days are around the corner. Very grateful been through a lot these last 25 days. It won't be easy, it won't be easy but PMO is not a choice no matter what is going on in my life!!! I miss cuddling, I miss being held and kiss and touched. Can't wait for covid to leave my body 🏝🏖SexualHealing
Active Member
yes, doing so much better. Feeling very grateful SexualHealing
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Day 29!!! No desire to PMO. I really miss human touch!!! I haven't felt any arousal these last few days I've been sick. I did feel some desire kick in but nothing super intense. I miss that intensity. I'm beggining to really pray about it and trust this process of being renewed, restored sexually. My ultimate dream is to be this generator of exquisite sexual pleasure and desire. To be crazy aroused and enjoy the process. To feel excited, happy and playful about it because I know ill get mine. To really be that person that is having the greatest time of her life sexually. I think about sex being that playful activity i do to let the beast, the vulnerable, the parts of me no one else knows about out. To really let out the imperfect human that I am ..let her just be and share all of it with my partner. It doesn't have to be a solo act anymore. I pray for an amazing sex life.
SexualHealing
Active Member
Day 30!!!!!!!!! My first 30 days! 
grateful, grateful, grateful! No desire to PMO. SOOOO HAPPPIIII 
grateful, grateful, grateful! No desire to PMO. SOOOO HAPPPIIII SexualHealing
Active Member
Day 31.. no desire for PMO. No human contact yet because I'm still in quarantine. Just being patient 
my day will come. Sweet dreams y'all 
my day will come. Sweet dreams y'all zackergeet
Active Member
awesome! continue like that!Day 31.. no desire for PMO. No human contact yet because I'm still in quarantine. Just being patient
SexualHealing
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Thanks Zackergeet! Wishing you well
SexualHealing
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Day 32! No desire to PMO 
I finally saw my bf today. Happy i spent time with him. It was a quiet evening and productive day at work. Tomorrow is a new day!!
I finally saw my bf today. Happy i spent time with him. It was a quiet evening and productive day at work. Tomorrow is a new day!!SexualHealing
Active Member
Day 33!!! I like the number 33 and I know it likes me back hehe. This whole week I've been craving something new, novelty, and adventure. This is a big part of who I am. Something within me is calling me. I don't know what it is yet. I shared it with my bf. He validates me, listens to me and doesn't feel threatened by it; which I appreciate greatly. In the past, I would seek it outside myself. In the past I thought this desire for novelty, adventure, and newness is outside of me and it's not. It's within me. Anyway, no desire to PMO but I want to be highly aroused, i want sexual intesity but it's doormat for some reason lol .. darnn youuu!!!! Lol 
this meditation right here though got me through the day and is bringing a lot of humor to this sexual healing journey of mine. I know it will happen. Just not now .. it's a meditation on patience:
I broke my finger in a sporting accident, drove to the emergency room, then left impatiently after waiting three hours and getting no medical attention. Two years later, I required a surgery that only partially repaired my injury, and it cost thousands of dollars.
“If you would have had it set when you originally broke it, it wouldn’t be this bad,” the doctor patiently explained.
Patience might feel like it hurts, but I have a permanently crooked finger to remind me that impatience hurts more.
Prayer: Help me stop sabotaging myself because I’m too impatient to wait. Teach me to trust your timing, especially when it doesn’t coincide with mine.
this meditation right here though got me through the day and is bringing a lot of humor to this sexual healing journey of mine. I know it will happen. Just not now .. it's a meditation on patience:I broke my finger in a sporting accident, drove to the emergency room, then left impatiently after waiting three hours and getting no medical attention. Two years later, I required a surgery that only partially repaired my injury, and it cost thousands of dollars.
“If you would have had it set when you originally broke it, it wouldn’t be this bad,” the doctor patiently explained.
Patience might feel like it hurts, but I have a permanently crooked finger to remind me that impatience hurts more.
Prayer: Help me stop sabotaging myself because I’m too impatient to wait. Teach me to trust your timing, especially when it doesn’t coincide with mine.
beautiful and such an apt example. patience is a virtue. However getting no medical attention for 3 hours is a bad system, I feel for ya. Thanks for sharing this part of the your experience.Day 33!!! I like the number 33 and I know it likes me back hehe. This whole week I've been craving something new, novelty, and adventure. This is a big part of who I am. Something within me is calling me. I don't know what it is yet. I shared it with my bf. He validates me, listens to me and doesn't feel threatened by it; which I appreciate greatly. In the past, I would seek it outside myself. In the past I thought this desire for novelty, adventure, and newness is outside of me and it's not. It's within me. Anyway, no desire to PMO but I want to be highly aroused, i want sexual intesity but it's doormat for some reason lol .. darnn youuu!!!! Lol
I broke my finger in a sporting accident, drove to the emergency room, then left impatiently after waiting three hours and getting no medical attention. Two years later, I required a surgery that only partially repaired my injury, and it cost thousands of dollars.
“If you would have had it set when you originally broke it, it wouldn’t be this bad,” the doctor patiently explained.
Patience might feel like it hurts, but I have a permanently crooked finger to remind me that impatience hurts more.
Prayer: Help me stop sabotaging myself because I’m too impatient to wait. Teach me to trust your timing, especially when it doesn’t coincide with mine.
SexualHealing
Active Member
Day 35! WARNING 
I'm having a tremendous pity day today. Today was one of those days. I just fuckin hate that I wanted to have sex but I wasn't aroused. I feel so angry. I don't want a pleasure/orgasm free life. I was certain that I was going to marry or be in relationship and the best part of it was all the sex we were going to have, every fuckin day!!
As with everything in my life there is stuff to be grateful for in this situation.. I did feel sensation during our sexual experience today. My man and I talked about how I felt; he said we'll find a way through this, that it'll be okay. And finally, it's always fun to give pleasure. I don't think it's right to withhold pleasure for my partner. I'm happy that he is whole in this area of his life, I know he wishes the same for me. He knows about my sexual trauma. And I appreciate just how much he loves me as I try to rebuild my sexuality/sexual life. Brings tears to my eyes. He doesn't have to be with me but he is in it because he loves me. Not sure how I got so lucky.
Anyway, I've got to do the work. Things will get worse and it's going to fuckin hurt like hell before they get real good.
I'm having a tremendous pity day today. Today was one of those days. I just fuckin hate that I wanted to have sex but I wasn't aroused. I feel so angry. I don't want a pleasure/orgasm free life. I was certain that I was going to marry or be in relationship and the best part of it was all the sex we were going to have, every fuckin day!! As with everything in my life there is stuff to be grateful for in this situation.. I did feel sensation during our sexual experience today. My man and I talked about how I felt; he said we'll find a way through this, that it'll be okay. And finally, it's always fun to give pleasure. I don't think it's right to withhold pleasure for my partner. I'm happy that he is whole in this area of his life, I know he wishes the same for me. He knows about my sexual trauma. And I appreciate just how much he loves me as I try to rebuild my sexuality/sexual life. Brings tears to my eyes. He doesn't have to be with me but he is in it because he loves me. Not sure how I got so lucky.
Anyway, I've got to do the work. Things will get worse and it's going to fuckin hurt like hell before they get real good.
SexualHealing
Active Member
Yes my friend, patience is a virtue. Ohh by the way, this was a meditation I found online; it didn't happen to me. But I was able to reflect on it that day
Your anger and frustration is understandable and justified for the moment. But remember you are doing a great job already! We all have a bad day, low days, flat-line days. But we endure and come out stronger, with a better understanding of our struggles and a little bit more hopeful. The fact that you have a person who understands your struggles, is compassionate and loves your though your hard times too, is super awesome. Your tears show your authentic feelings. Also, It warms me to see your understanding that the road could get tougher before the smooth sailing arrives. I am so proud of you for accepting the vulnerability! I would try focusing a lot on what your lover said - "it'll be okay"Day 35! WARNING
As with everything in my life there is stuff to be grateful for in this situation.. I did feel sensation during our sexual experience today. My man and I talked about how I felt; he said we'll find a way through this, that it'll be okay. And finally, it's always fun to give pleasure. I don't think it's right to withhold pleasure for my partner. I'm happy that he is whole in this area of his life, I know he wishes the same for me. He knows about my sexual trauma. And I appreciate just how much he loves me as I try to rebuild my sexuality/sexual life. Brings tears to my eyes. He doesn't have to be with me but he is in it because he loves me. Not sure how I got so lucky.
Anyway, I've got to do the work. Things will get worse and it's going to fuckin hurt like hell before they get real good.
And your meditation of observing your feelings will go a long way. You got it champ! Let us fight our way out of this forest. Lots of love.SexualHealing
Active Member
These are profound words. Truly fills my heart. Trying to get my mind into a balanced, realistic place rather then a negative, hopeless one. Not being able to get aroused hit me hard yesterday. But it's only one of the many stumbling bumps on the road. I love your comment of fighting our way out of the forestYour anger and frustration is understandable and justified for the moment. But remember you are doing a great job already! We all have a bad day, low days, flat-line days. But we endure and come out stronger, with a better understanding of our struggles and a little bit more hopeful. The fact that you have a person who understands your struggles, is compassionate and loves your though your hard times too, is super awesome. Your tears show your authentic feelings. Also, It warms me to see your understanding that the road could get tougher before the smooth sailing arrives. I am so proud of you for accepting the vulnerability! I would try focusing a lot on what your lover said - "it'll be okay"
🏕 Thank you again for your encouragement and your insights.SexualHealing
Active Member
Day 36! No desire to PMO. I still had lingering feelings of sadness and hopelessness. But I did my best to go for a walk, journal, pray and read. I'm going to pamper myself tonight, and I'm going to work on an action plan. Anybody with an action plan for their reboot? If so, any cool action items you want to share with me? Thanks in advance.
You mention the lingering feeling and doing your best. I visualize you as a warrior who continues to fight, with everything they have in them against adversaries which are temporarily dominant. If we do are best, we are improving and growing. You should reward yourself with something, as you plan to do. It is not an easy road you have taken with lots of uncertainties. Kudos for the bravery. I understand you and I stand with you.
I am going to run your through my thought process as I evolved it. See if any of it applies to you. Action plan also refers to the rewiring of the brain - the activities you want to replace the old habits by. The aim is to get acquainted with the normal level of dopamine by stimulating new neuron pathways in your brain and letting the old habit paths die. Scientifically, it is possible via the following principle - neurons that fire together wire together - i.e. creating a new habit. What could they be? They need to represent something you want to do. You can meditate over your inner child, your real childhood and see what you use to do then in happy times. What you stopped doing as a result of trauma. A child's mind is curious, authentic and playful. Those characters would reflect in your new endevour as well. For me one of those aims is the aim of creating a techno artwork I have thought about every time I switched my job. It also doesn't have to be that binary. One can start with simply spending regular time in nature, cooking, meditating, yoga etc. Axe throwing? Taking a new course online/in-class? The possibilities in the real world are endless and that is the beauty - to each their own. Once you have chosen your plan, you should be prepared for low interest initially. Fighting it out will be work, but well worth it. Enjoy the journey and let the destination take care of itself.