The only thing that I can think of at the moment is.... You're a phenomenal writer! Just a heads up if you write a book one day; I'm buying me a copy. (((Make it rain)))You mention the lingering feeling and doing your best. I visualize you as a warrior who continues to fight, with everything they have in them against adversaries which are temporarily dominant. If we do are best, we are improving and growing. You should reward yourself with something, as you plan to do. It is not an easy road you have taken with lots of uncertainties. Kudos for the bravery. I understand you and I stand with you.
I am going to run your through my thought process as I evolved it. See if any of it applies to you. Action plan also refers to the rewiring of the brain - the activities you want to replace the old habits by. The aim is to get acquainted with the normal level of dopamine by stimulating new neuron pathways in your brain and letting the old habit paths die. Scientifically, it is possible via the following principle - neurons that fire together wire together - i.e. creating a new habit. What could they be? They need to represent something you want to do. You can meditate over your inner child, your real childhood and see what you use to do then in happy times. What you stopped doing as a result of trauma. A child's mind is curious, authentic and playful. Those characters would reflect in your new endevour as well. For me one of those aims is the aim of creating a techno artwork I have thought about every time I switched my job. It also doesn't have to be that binary. One can start with simply spending regular time in nature, cooking, meditating, yoga etc. Axe throwing? Taking a new course online/in-class? The possibilities in the real world are endless and that is the beauty - to each their own. Once you have chosen your plan, you should be prepared for low interest initially. Fighting it out will be work, but well worth it. Enjoy the journey and let the destination take care of