My journey to sexual healing ✨

SexualHealing

Active Member
You mention the lingering feeling and doing your best. I visualize you as a warrior who continues to fight, with everything they have in them against adversaries which are temporarily dominant. If we do are best, we are improving and growing. You should reward yourself with something, as you plan to do. It is not an easy road you have taken with lots of uncertainties. Kudos for the bravery. I understand you and I stand with you.

I am going to run your through my thought process as I evolved it. See if any of it applies to you. Action plan also refers to the rewiring of the brain - the activities you want to replace the old habits by. The aim is to get acquainted with the normal level of dopamine by stimulating new neuron pathways in your brain and letting the old habit paths die. Scientifically, it is possible via the following principle - neurons that fire together wire together - i.e. creating a new habit. What could they be? They need to represent something you want to do. You can meditate over your inner child, your real childhood and see what you use to do then in happy times. What you stopped doing as a result of trauma. A child's mind is curious, authentic and playful. Those characters would reflect in your new endevour as well. For me one of those aims is the aim of creating a techno artwork I have thought about every time I switched my job. It also doesn't have to be that binary. One can start with simply spending regular time in nature, cooking, meditating, yoga etc. Axe throwing? Taking a new course online/in-class? The possibilities in the real world are endless and that is the beauty - to each their own. Once you have chosen your plan, you should be prepared for low interest initially. Fighting it out will be work, but well worth it. Enjoy the journey and let the destination take care of
The only thing that I can think of at the moment is.... You're a phenomenal writer! Just a heads up if you write a book one day; I'm buying me a copy. (((Make it rain))) 💰💰💲💲💵💵💵💵🍉🍉
 

SexualHealing

Active Member
This is weird. Looks like I skipped a day. I'm on day 38!! No desire to PMO. Today I reminded myself of how far I've come in life in spite of the chaos I was born into and experienced. Now I'm at a stage in my life where I have no choice but to finally address these inner barriers that are blocking me from fully being intimate, being loved, having pleasure, and having a fulfilling and satisfying love/sex life. There is some serious damage that has been done to the areas of my being that make me human which is my mind, body, and spirit.

I've come a long way and if I was able to overcome so much, then this must be the next area that needs healing, that needs restoration, that needs to be recreated, reinvented.

I need to trust this life journey of mine. I must always remind myself of where I come from.
 

vidvan13

Active Member
This is weird. Looks like I skipped a day. I'm on day 38!! No desire to PMO. Today I reminded myself of how far I've come in life in spite of the chaos I was born into and experienced. Now I'm at a stage in my life where I have no choice but to finally address these inner barriers that are blocking me from fully being intimate, being loved, having pleasure, and having a fulfilling and satisfying love/sex life. There is some serious damage that has been done to the areas of my being that make me human which is my mind, body, and spirit.

I've come a long way and if I was able to overcome so much, then this must be the next area that needs healing, that needs restoration, that needs to be recreated, reinvented.

I need to trust this life journey of mine. I must always remind myself of where I come from.
so admire you, I. All power to you.
 

SexualHealing

Active Member
Day 39. No desire to PMO. I did a lot of crying today over my anger, frustration and sometimes hopelessness around my sex life. One thing I did though that is positive is purchase this online course on developing my sexuality and desire. $260 bucks, let's see where it takes me.
 

vidvan13

Active Member
Day 39. No desire to PMO. I did a lot of crying today over my anger, frustration and sometimes hopelessness around my sex life. One thing I did though that is positive is purchase this online course on developing my sexuality and desire. $260 bucks, let's see where it takes me.
good luck! make those tears count and rock the journey.
 

SexualHealing

Active Member
Day 41!!!!! No desire to PMO!! On Friday, I shared with my bf what I was going through. I'm getting better at communicating this part of me to him without making him feel like his responsible or that he has to change me or fix me. That means the world to me 🌍🦥🦥🦥🦥🦥🦥
 

vidvan13

Active Member
Day 41!!!!! No desire to PMO!! On Friday, I shared with my bf what I was going through. I'm getting better at communicating this part of me to him without making him feel like his responsible or that he has to change me or fix me. That means the world to me 🌍🦥🦥🦥🦥🦥🦥
So glad you are finding your way around. respect and a lot of love.
 

SexualHealing

Active Member
Day 44 my reboot friends! No desire to PMO. Today though, I've decided to finally welcome the child within who experienced sexual stimulation at such an early age. I've carried so much pain, guilt and shame as of result of it. Today though I said to myself... I don't need to escape or run away from this part of my past. I can process the events that happen, I can learn to forgive myself and others, I can find a resolution so I can move forward. So I can move forward to create a new sexual life. Everything that I know about sex today is a result of my childhood. It's a completely distorted sexual perspective that I've carried with me all these years. And then I added porn in my adolescence and adulthood, double fuckin distortion to my sexuality. My life is a very interesting one.. everything good that I have today I've had to learn it to earn it!!!! I have to earn it! Darn it! Why??!! Lol. Healthy, mindblowing intimacy is next on the learn it to earn it list. I have to learn how to have sex with no P, without the help of unhealthy distortions.

Yesterday, I wasn't 100000% aroused when getting it on with my man but I still had fun. I won't judge it, feel pain or anger or sadness about it. I'm not any less lovable or loving because of it. I'm enough as I am now and this process has a time of it's own I'm willing to adhere to it 100 percent.
 

vidvan13

Active Member
Day 44 my reboot friends! No desire to PMO. Today though, I've decided to finally welcome the child within who experienced sexual stimulation at such an early age. I've carried so much pain, guilt and shame as of result of it. Today though I said to myself... I don't need to escape or run away from this part of my past. I can process the events that happen, I can learn to forgive myself and others, I can find a resolution so I can move forward. So I can move forward to create a new sexual life. Everything that I know about sex today is a result of my childhood. It's a completely distorted sexual perspective that I've carried with me all these years. And then I added porn in my adolescence and adulthood, double fuckin distortion to my sexuality. My life is a very interesting one.. everything good that I have today I've had to learn it to earn it!!!! I have to earn it! Darn it! Why??!! Lol. Healthy, mindblowing intimacy is next on the learn it to earn it list. I have to learn how to have sex with no P, without the help of unhealthy distortions.

Yesterday, I wasn't 100000% aroused when getting it on with my man but I still had fun. I won't judge it, feel pain or anger or sadness about it. I'm not any less lovable or loving because of it. I'm enough as I am now and this process has a time of it's own I'm willing to adhere to it 100 percent.
Dear S (that's your name from now on). This is a breakthrough post for you, I think. Let me explain why I think so. I noticed in your earlier posts that you 'expected' certain kind of pleasure to 'come back' without the use of P. Whereas, in this tremendously genuine and brave post you are opening yourself to 'ground experiences' as they come. You are letting go of the expectations and without comparison to your habituation, are willing to see what is out there, how does it really feel, what kind of sensations it raises in you without judgement. This is an inflection point, in my opinion, from where you start to discover your real self, devoid of any past anchors. I am proud of you and couldn't have been more happier for you. You are a brave soul, with a beautiful heart. Not only you are enough for yourself, you are an inspiration to all of us out there who are trying to get back to our genuine self, our selves which feels worthy and enough. salutes!
 

SexualHealing

Active Member
Dear S (that's your name from now on). This is a breakthrough post for you, I think. Let me explain why I think so. I noticed in your earlier posts that you 'expected' certain kind of pleasure to 'come back' without the use of P. Whereas, in this tremendously genuine and brave post you are opening yourself to 'ground experiences' as they come. You are letting go of the expectations and without comparison to your habituation, are willing to see what is out there, how does it really feel, what kind of sensations it raises in you without judgement. This is an inflection point, in my opinion, from where you start to discover your real self, devoid of any past anchors. I am proud of you and couldn't have been more happier for you. You are a brave soul, with a beautiful heart. Not only you are enough for yourself, you are an inspiration to all of us out there who are trying to get back to our genuine self, our selves which feels worthy and enough. salutes!
You're spot on!!! This is a breakthrough post. I've been on a self pity party this whole time full of expectations, blame and judgements that have clouded everything. I feel like I'm finally taking responsibility for this part of my life. Instead of making this situation ultra catastrophic. Well, not being able to get aroused can feel a bit catastrophic... well duh, it was supposed to go down this way after years and years and years of the P habit 😂😂

Thanks for your post!
 

SexualHealing

Active Member
Day 50!!! Work and life had me busy these last five days. On one of the nights I just wanted to O so I fantasized about my bf even though I was not aroused but ended up with an awesome O. I was content but I don't want to train myself to O without being fully aroused if that makes sense. Lol, it's like going from one extreme to the other. Moving forward I want to focus on my arousal, on pleasure, on desire. Allowing myself to not let O be the goal. Allowing myself to cultivate arousal and desire and to experience pleasure. For me pleasure always meant O. Not that I don't want to O, I just want to build a different meaning around pleasure, arousal, desire. I started a course on desire for women. So far so good. I feel like someone like me whose sexuality was awaken at such a young age and in such a distorted way, it's important for me to focus on rebuilding and recreating healthy practices, attitudes, and beliefs around intimacy and pleasure that are empowering.
 

SexualHealing

Active Member
Day 51 RebootNation 🪨 🌟 !! No desire to PMO. Blessed for that. And also grateful for the guilt, shame and negativity that came up today and was able to respond to this past conditioning with peace, love and gratitude. And then release. Date night with my man, time for connection. Have a great one!!
 

SexualHealing

Active Member
Day 52 and no desire to PMO! I was born for pleasure, connection and amazing orgasmic experiences with another human being. Relying on fantasies and porn is not my destiny. This is not what I was made for. Right now and every day moving forward I have the power to create and work towards a sexual ideal that is true, authentic, satisfying and fullfilling for me.
 

vidvan13

Active Member
Day 52 and no desire to PMO! I was born for pleasure, connection and amazing orgasmic experiences with another human being. Relying on fantasies and porn is not my destiny. This is not what I was made for. Right now and every day moving forward I have the power to create and work towards a sexual ideal that is true, authentic, satisfying and fullfilling for me.
you are the light within yourself. You got it my friend. onward and upwards!
 
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