My relapse hit me hard. I wasted so much money.
Hey Fittybands,
I've just come onto this forum for the first time looking for help as I am in a very similar situation to you. I read through the whole thread finally feeling like I'm not alone in this struggle, yet saddened to hear of others who are as deep/deeper in this hell as me.
I made my first account on a camsite almost exactly two years ago now. I'd been furloughed from work through the first covid lockdown and had spent about 4 months not having to work but still being paid. Lot's of free time and more expendable income than I'd ever had. In hindsight, I've had an addictive attitude towards porn for a loonngg time, but I believe the freedom of time in covid resulted in my digging far deeper into this darkness. I began spending much more time (up to 3 or 4 hours) at a time watching porn, about 3 or 4 times a week. The longer the session became the less satisfied I seemed to be - only ever enjoying the last half an hour or so after finally settling on what to watch.
I'd been on camsites before and lurked but never made an account or paid for anything. But as my dissatisfaction with free porn intensified I decided I'd make an account to see what it was like. After a week or two I bought my first tokens. I was furious with myself for spending money (for the first time ever) on porn - feeling dirty at my lack of control and horrified at the consequences it may have on my bank records (It was just $10 and all that I spent for the first month). But.. I recognised immediately how much more excitement I got from it - the interactivity of it, the admiration and so on.
To cut a long(er) story short, I've just hit my two year mark of camgirl addiction. The longest I've gone without spending has been two weeks. The longest I've gone without looking significantly less, probably about 5 days. I spend around $50-$100 a month on it. I don't enjoy it any more. I hate that I once did, but at least it had some kind of purpose.
