I read your story with interest because there isn't as much written on these forums about addictions specifically to cam models/cam sites. I can relate to your struggles because I too got deep into cam girl sites and I'm just now extricating myself. But while my story has similarities, it has some different twists.Hi all,
My name is Rey and I have a horrible cam girl addiction. I am writing this so I can actually talk to people about this. I am incredibly embarrassed and ashamed and I need outside help. I need to share my story. I am angry. Pissed. Ashamed. Most importantly, I feel like I have lost control of myself.
Now, you might be thinking: single, didn't get much attention from girls, clearly he was looking for an outlet to connect with women and fell into a rabbit hole.
I wish that was the case. The source of my addiction is a much deeper, more sinister, and harder problem to tackle.
Yes, I think porn websites are connected to sexual services. Back when I watched porn, I think some porn websites were advertising prostitutes and sexual camera services. I think some advertisements were even in the porn videos themselves, like some small or faded words in the corner of some videos that referenced a prostitute's or sexual service website.However, my senior year, I dabbled with paying for premium porn, something I had never done previously, to see some models' videos. From this, I was introduced to a cam girl site. I was curious and made an account. That summer after I graduated, I kept going to the site, camming with a variety of girls, and feeling euphoric. Before I knew it, I spent more than $2000 over a few weeks.
This is very interesting! A good number of recovering porn addicts are trying to quit so that they can get girlfriends or dates. It's nice that you realized that your case is more unique and that a girlfriend didn't necessarily fix your situation or exempt you from temptation. I even read of married men who struggle with these types of addictions.When my addiction began, I was sexually active and dating people. I was even already talking to someone kind of seriously, who eventually became my girlfriend. I wouldn't call myself a ladies man or someone who got sex anytime they wanted, but I was someone with some options, with the ability to see women and to have a meaningful emotional connection in real life. I was not using this addiction to fill a void of not having anyone to feel connected to: my addiction fed my ego, and it became more apparent as my addiction grew worse.
I've read similar accounts of this too. I read of some other recovering sexual addicts who liked the attention that they got. I read of adulterous wives who said that they cheated for attention, validation, and similar things that their husbands weren't apparently providing. I myself feel that I sometimes get acceptance, gratitude, validation, affirmation, or attention when I sext women.I loved the abundance of attention, and the validation I received because of my member.
I'm proud that you were able to go for almost a year without the addiction. That's an amazing accomplishment!For almost a year, it became a thing of the past.
Yikes!Some days, I would spend more than $600.
The idea of variety is very interesting. I feel variety can be a natural desire in entertainment. And sometimes I sexted or desired porn simply because I was bored and had nothing else to do.Again, I was sucked into the validation. The variety. By this point my girlfriend and I had broken up, but I was still seeing people, still being sexually active. But that didn't curb my addiction. I just loved the variety, how easy it was to access these women.
To combat this addiction, I would try watching porn if I felt the urge. I recognized that porn was not going to be a long term solution, but at least it was free. If I felt the need to bust a nut, make it a free nut. I figured, if I could transfer this addiction to porn, at least my bank account could recover while I work on myself.
I'm sorry to hear that the addiction is now affecting your relationship with family. It has done so much damage.I know that if I can't get a hold of this, I will not be able to pay rent, pay my car note, or take care of my basic needs. I feel like I have lost control of myself. I am buried in so much debt. It will take many years to get back to square one. I even asked a family member for money, promising to pay them back by taking out some of the remaining money I had in my investments, and then I subsequently blew it again on my addiction. Now, I have yet to pay them back and they are understandably upset with me.
Time of day seems to be a factor in my sexting and porn urges. I usually want to sext or watch porn at night. I don't know exactly why. I do know that sexual criminals and prostitutes may tend to prey on men at night, like any other criminal. I even notice some websites look different or display different advertisements at night.When this happened it was 1 am, I should have just slept. I was literally tired. I felt like something was possessing me, forcing me to see if I could get it up anyway so I could get that validation.
I read a lot about sexually transmitted infections. Some of them may make the vagina smell bad. With prostitution, the spread of infections seems very common. Also condoms don't always cover all infected skin, can break, or slip off. Women who show off their body online aren't always necessarily prostitutes, butI feel the chances are very high because they may be easily tempted by sex solicitors and money offers. So whenever I see any woman online showing off her body, I usually assume she's a prostitute. And prostitutes are sexually transmitted infections in gift wrap to me: completely repulsive and worthless. They don't deserve any attention from me for selling diseases.I do have moments when I am looking at the cam girls and I am genuinely disgusted by them. I remember when I paid a cam model to sleep with her, and even tho she was beautiful, her pussy was loose and it stank. So, I look at models and remember that and think "Damn, these h*oes ain't what they cracked up to be. All they pussies probably stink too." I like that I look at them at times and feel repulsed. I wanna tap into it. To remind me that what I imagine ain't reality.
This is interesting. I definitely think that sex can motivate or bring about the urge to observe porn or sexual camera services. Sex usually is an opportunity to look at a naked woman. I feel that some men tend to act sexual when observing a naked woman. Of course, sex can help release sexual tension. But that image of the naked woman probably doesn't leave your head. And then the sexual urges will likely return within 24 or 48 hours.The urge has always been the worst right after I have sex. It's like I don't want the party to stop. No amount of additional sex helps. I still want the cam girls afterwards. I had sex on Friday and it opened a can of worms. I had sex again today and I still wanted the cam girls. I am going to have sex tomorrow and I STILL want some cam girls.
I think I might have a general sex addiction. I want to have sex every hour, but no woman's vagina is ready for that, at least not with me. At best, she will need a few hours because she is sore. Sometimes it takes days. I get antsy. I am not a celebrity or someone with social clout so I don't have a plethora of "hoes" on deck. I can have sex, I enjoy it, but I obviously don't have enough women lined up to have sex anytime the urge comes. I love the cam girls because it is the closest thing I can get to having a shared sexual experience with someone ANYTIME I feel like. It's also the only way I can have a shared sexual experience with multiple women in an absurdly short amount of time. I can't pull that off in real life. I cannot call up 5 different women to have sex with in the span of 4 hours. But on a cam site? Easy to have fun with 4 women in an hour. It's live, and I get to make someone cum with me. BUT...this stops today.
Be very careful with communicating with sexual camera service websites. Sometimes they are not on your side. Some predators take advantage of addicts. These sexual camera services can give your email address or contact information to other disgusting websites behind your back or without your consent. Even if that's illegal, it's easy to avoid legal consequences online. Of course a sexual camera service website can easily blacklist you from its own website, but then have another website contact you. Be careful when checking your email Spam folder. I barely check my Spam folder once a month.I requested for the cam support to permanently blacklist my name and my card. I will go back and get them to blacklist all the cards I own. I want it to be impossible to spend money on the site. I am committed to making a change and I need to cut off access in a way where I cannot reverse it. In the past I have tried blocking it myself or getting them to close my accounts, but I would always unblock the site or make a new account.
Have you considered a therapist? Therapy is usually an expensive option, but your addiction always seems to find a way to waste tons of money regardless. You can reverse porn blockers. But you can't undo the work and designs that a therapist does onto your mind, right?I love this. You have to pay for it right? Also, how easy is it to reverse the blocking? That has been my downfall. I eventually try to remove the blocks I put in so I need to future proof it.
Visiting the website can definitely be a bad thing. Some advertisements are designed to get you to pay money. Every time you visit the website, you risk running into an advertisement. The website may even have enough money to detect or circumvent ad blockers.17 January 2022: Nothing spent, but I almost gave in. Curiosity was very strong and left the site tab open all day, checking periodically. I was very tempted. But, I didn't spend anything. I will not check the site today. The main issue is my own self control. So, one day at a time, I will commit to small goals. Just don't check the site today. I will tell myself that.
These are some very awesome observations. You look at the glass as half full instead of half empty! You realize that this addiction won't change overnight, especially if it is habitual. It will take time and patience. You may make small mistakes along the way, but you are focused on the long-term goal.After having this addiction on and off for several years, it will not be easy to actually stop. But, I am already seeing changes. It has been 12 days since I spent money. For the average person, this is hardly an accomplishment, for me, it's a good sign.
Maybe this might work. But honestly, some of these types of women just want your money. This seems like a huge gamble regardless of whether you relapse or not.Recently, I started having sex with one of the models and for now I don't feel the urge to go on the site, mainly because I feel like I am wasting my time if I could just hang out with her. But I feel like I am using it as a substitute and once we stop talking eventually, I will relapse.
There's a belief that marriage can help quell sexual desire or addiction. Maybe that works for some men. But I have read accounts of married men who struggle with porn addiction. I think it somewhat depends on whom you partner with. Some women actually prefer their partners to be sexual, as then those male partners are easier to manipulate or handle.I was still thinking that maybe my will power would eventually be enough, I just needed to work harder. After all, that is the main issue right?
Don't ever defend a female sexual predator.But she was right that I was being inconsistent.
Do you think family would help you overcome this addiction, if they knew? Do you think they would care if the addiction is affecting your finances? Some families might care. It can be free help!One of the hardest parts about this is that no one in my family knows. None of my friends know. I am in crippling debt and it hurts. It's painful. It sucks. It's stressful. I need help.