Cam Girl Addiction: From Financially Savvy to Buried in Debt

[FittyBands]

How are you doing, Fitty?

Thank you for asking. Right now I am ok. I am still trying to deal with the loss of my child. Trying to not get sucked into cam girls to cope. Just taking it one day at a time.

 

[FittyBands]

Been almost a year. Still struggling. I just blocked the site for good again. Idk why it took me so long.

 

[WoundedEagle]

Hi all,

My name is Rey and I have a horrible cam girl addiction. I am writing this so I can actually talk to people about this. I am incredibly embarrassed and ashamed and I need outside help. I need to share my story. I am angry. Pissed. Ashamed. Most importantly, I feel like I have lost control of myself.

Now, you might be thinking: single, didn't get much attention from girls, clearly he was looking for an outlet to connect with women and fell into a rabbit hole.

I wish that was the case. The source of my addiction is a much deeper, more sinister, and harder problem to tackle.

I read your story with interest because there isn't as much written on these forums about addictions specifically to cam models/cam sites. I can relate to your struggles because I too got deep into cam girl sites and I'm just now extricating myself. But while my story has similarities, it has some different twists.

Like you, I never struggled to get attention from girls. I always had girlfriends, from high school onward... I was fairly successful in various endeavors. I even married a beauty.

Strangely, though, I managed to never visit a cam model site, even after they had been around 10 or 15 years. I don't think I realized the "appeal" until one day, while bored and alone while working for an extended time in another city, I started lurking on one of the sites. At first I would just watch as a non-member...but the real problem began when I decided to sign up for one site..and then another...and eventually several. So it went from there. It's shocking how I let myself get pulled in...spending a tremendous amount of time on those sites, saving various "favorite" girls, scanning for new ones...charging to the credit card impulsively and then having a shock when I saw the monthly balance.

These sites are rigged to be worse than a casino for playing into addictive tendencies....buying tokens, spending tokens...escalating. Meanwhile, you have an actual industry where the workers (models) are consciously attempting to make you feel special so as to extract as much money as possible from you. To me, this is all quite different than passively viewing free porn on the internet. This has an element of personal interaction that makes the addiction even more difficult to break for some people.

And here's the last strange twist to my experience with these miserable cam modeling sites: It began for me like it was for you, going room to room, interacting with different models, looking for novelty. But early on, I got hooked on a particular model in a more emotional way. It wasn't even overtly sexual, but she was an absolute genius when it came to reading my issues and knowing how to create a sort of "girlfriend experience" that I wasn't even seeking. Before I knew it, this charming Russian woman had convinced me that I was in some sort of relationship with her (and it didn't help that she would refer to me as her "boyfriend" and suggest that we were going to meet...even though many "red flags" about her motivations and sincerity were apparent).

While most of the girls are just doing the run-of-the-mill cam modeling...performing for you, making you feel special but keeping some degree of boundary...this girl was like an emotional predator. She began to gradually interject a romantic element into our conversations...little statements that suggested a desire for a real relationship, a future. Some would call it a "love scam" and maybe that's what it was...but her skill at this was impressive. I don't even want to say how much money I spent simply talking to this woman in private sessions, sending her offline tips, even exchanging emails with her.

So in this case, the cam girl problem for me began in the usual form...it was very typical, sexually unhealthy behavior. But that gave way to something like an emotional addiction (or obsession) with this one model, egged on by what was 90 percent deception and manipulation on her part. It was like a predator targeting one's needs for intimacy and connection, capitalizing off loneliness and my obsessive personality. To me, this aspect of the cam girl/cam site experience is the most evil: the fact that these sites provide a forum for a certain kind of model who has no moral compass and no guilt about the emotional (and financial) devastation that she can wreak on you if you are vulnerable to it.

Amazingly, all this transpired over the course of a year. I've come out of the daze and regained my wits, but I'm still shaking my head over the financial waste and even worse, I'm experiencing a lot of self-loathing about wasting so much time and emotional energy on something so utterly empty. And yet even now, it's a struggle to avoid going back to talk to that one cam girl...almost like I'm trying to chase sunk costs or keep her "a little bit" in my life. But rationally, I realize that this is self-delusion: There is no truth, honesty, or real intimacy to be found on cam modeling sites.

 

[williamTheChristian]

I'm sorry to hear that you are suffering financial hardship because of this sexual addiction. I hope you recover soon.

However, my senior year, I dabbled with paying for premium porn, something I had never done previously, to see some models' videos. From this, I was introduced to a cam girl site. I was curious and made an account. That summer after I graduated, I kept going to the site, camming with a variety of girls, and feeling euphoric. Before I knew it, I spent more than $2000 over a few weeks.

Yes, I think porn websites are connected to sexual services. Back when I watched porn, I think some porn websites were advertising prostitutes and sexual camera services. I think some advertisements were even in the porn videos themselves, like some small or faded words in the corner of some videos that referenced a prostitute's or sexual service website.

When my addiction began, I was sexually active and dating people. I was even already talking to someone kind of seriously, who eventually became my girlfriend. I wouldn't call myself a ladies man or someone who got sex anytime they wanted, but I was someone with some options, with the ability to see women and to have a meaningful emotional connection in real life. I was not using this addiction to fill a void of not having anyone to feel connected to: my addiction fed my ego, and it became more apparent as my addiction grew worse.

This is very interesting! A good number of recovering porn addicts are trying to quit so that they can get girlfriends or dates. It's nice that you realized that your case is more unique and that a girlfriend didn't necessarily fix your situation or exempt you from temptation. I even read of married men who struggle with these types of addictions.

I loved the abundance of attention, and the validation I received because of my member.

I've read similar accounts of this too. I read of some other recovering sexual addicts who liked the attention that they got. I read of adulterous wives who said that they cheated for attention, validation, and similar things that their husbands weren't apparently providing. I myself feel that I sometimes get acceptance, gratitude, validation, affirmation, or attention when I sext women.

These observations are important because they can help us find healthier substitutes for our addictions. For example, I realized that I can sometimes get acceptance, gratitude, affirmation, validation, or attention by communicating with people. Of course, I'd have to communicate with certain people because I've noticed that some people can give the opposite of those things like rejection, harassment, blocks, and bans. Finding the right people can be hard sometimes. There are also some other activities that can give me validation and such.

Now you say that you were quite social during or before your addiction, so maybe being social won't really work. Everyone is different. If you do try to be social again for the sake of recovery, be careful whom you socialize with. People who harass you might not be healthy and give the opposite of what you need.

For almost a year, it became a thing of the past.

I'm proud that you were able to go for almost a year without the addiction. That's an amazing accomplishment!

Some days, I would spend more than $600.

Yikes!

Again, I was sucked into the validation. The variety. By this point my girlfriend and I had broken up, but I was still seeing people, still being sexually active. But that didn't curb my addiction. I just loved the variety, how easy it was to access these women.

The idea of variety is very interesting. I feel variety can be a natural desire in entertainment. And sometimes I sexted or desired porn simply because I was bored and had nothing else to do.

I used to order pizza all the time until I got bored and ordered chinese food instead. I never order the same exact fun food twice: I usually always requested a different topping when I ordered pizza.

Even my sexting sought variety. I usually never sexted the same woman twice. I got bored with sexting the same woman more than once.

Nowadays, I realize that variety and sex isn't always a good mix. I've read that having multiple sex partners can increase the chance of acquiring a sexually transmitted infection. Of course, sexting and porn are not exactly sex but they seem all connected.

To combat this addiction, I would try watching porn if I felt the urge. I recognized that porn was not going to be a long term solution, but at least it was free. If I felt the need to bust a nut, make it a free nut. I figured, if I could transfer this addiction to porn, at least my bank account could recover while I work on myself.

Didn't work.

I can see why. I think porn websites and some porn videos have advertisements of sexual camera services and prostitutes. In theory, your plan sounds wise. But some porn producers can get an extra penny by advertising sexual camera services and prostitutes, especially if a porn producer is also a prostitute.

I know that if I can't get a hold of this, I will not be able to pay rent, pay my car note, or take care of my basic needs. I feel like I have lost control of myself. I am buried in so much debt. It will take many years to get back to square one. I even asked a family member for money, promising to pay them back by taking out some of the remaining money I had in my investments, and then I subsequently blew it again on my addiction. Now, I have yet to pay them back and they are understandably upset with me.

I'm sorry to hear that the addiction is now affecting your relationship with family. It has done so much damage.

 

[williamTheChristian]

When this happened it was 1 am, I should have just slept. I was literally tired. I felt like something was possessing me, forcing me to see if I could get it up anyway so I could get that validation.

Time of day seems to be a factor in my sexting and porn urges. I usually want to sext or watch porn at night. I don't know exactly why. I do know that sexual criminals and prostitutes may tend to prey on men at night, like any other criminal. I even notice some websites look different or display different advertisements at night.

But anyhow, I try to do things during the day and sleep during the night. I wake up early to get the most daylight in my day. Unless I have a job that requires night work, there's no reason for me to be awake at night.

 

[williamTheChristian]

I do have moments when I am looking at the cam girls and I am genuinely disgusted by them. I remember when I paid a cam model to sleep with her, and even tho she was beautiful, her pussy was loose and it stank. So, I look at models and remember that and think "Damn, these h*oes ain't what they cracked up to be. All they pussies probably stink too." I like that I look at them at times and feel repulsed. I wanna tap into it. To remind me that what I imagine ain't reality.

I read a lot about sexually transmitted infections. Some of them may make the vagina smell bad. With prostitution, the spread of infections seems very common. Also condoms don't always cover all infected skin, can break, or slip off. Women who show off their body online aren't always necessarily prostitutes, butI feel the chances are very high because they may be easily tempted by sex solicitors and money offers. So whenever I see any woman online showing off her body, I usually assume she's a prostitute. And prostitutes are sexually transmitted infections in gift wrap to me: completely repulsive and worthless. They don't deserve any attention from me for selling diseases.

 

[williamTheChristian]

The urge has always been the worst right after I have sex. It's like I don't want the party to stop. No amount of additional sex helps. I still want the cam girls afterwards. I had sex on Friday and it opened a can of worms. I had sex again today and I still wanted the cam girls. I am going to have sex tomorrow and I STILL want some cam girls.

I think I might have a general sex addiction. I want to have sex every hour, but no woman's vagina is ready for that, at least not with me. At best, she will need a few hours because she is sore. Sometimes it takes days. I get antsy. I am not a celebrity or someone with social clout so I don't have a plethora of "hoes" on deck. I can have sex, I enjoy it, but I obviously don't have enough women lined up to have sex anytime the urge comes. I love the cam girls because it is the closest thing I can get to having a shared sexual experience with someone ANYTIME I feel like. It's also the only way I can have a shared sexual experience with multiple women in an absurdly short amount of time. I can't pull that off in real life. I cannot call up 5 different women to have sex with in the span of 4 hours. But on a cam site? Easy to have fun with 4 women in an hour. It's live, and I get to make someone cum with me. BUT...this stops today.

This is interesting. I definitely think that sex can motivate or bring about the urge to observe porn or sexual camera services. Sex usually is an opportunity to look at a naked woman. I feel that some men tend to act sexual when observing a naked woman. Of course, sex can help release sexual tension. But that image of the naked woman probably doesn't leave your head. And then the sexual urges will likely return within 24 or 48 hours.

I tend to have sexual urges every 24 or 48 hours, usually at night, but I don't really look at women and I definitely don't look at naked women throughout my day. When my mind or body starts to feel sexual, it has no adequate or recent image of a naked woman to draw from or envision.

I requested for the cam support to permanently blacklist my name and my card. I will go back and get them to blacklist all the cards I own. I want it to be impossible to spend money on the site. I am committed to making a change and I need to cut off access in a way where I cannot reverse it. In the past I have tried blocking it myself or getting them to close my accounts, but I would always unblock the site or make a new account.

Be very careful with communicating with sexual camera service websites. Sometimes they are not on your side. Some predators take advantage of addicts. These sexual camera services can give your email address or contact information to other disgusting websites behind your back or without your consent. Even if that's illegal, it's easy to avoid legal consequences online. Of course a sexual camera service website can easily blacklist you from its own website, but then have another website contact you. Be careful when checking your email Spam folder. I barely check my Spam folder once a month.

 

[williamTheChristian]

I love this. You have to pay for it right? Also, how easy is it to reverse the blocking? That has been my downfall. I eventually try to remove the blocks I put in so I need to future proof it.

Have you considered a therapist? Therapy is usually an expensive option, but your addiction always seems to find a way to waste tons of money regardless. You can reverse porn blockers. But you can't undo the work and designs that a therapist does onto your mind, right?

 

[williamTheChristian]

17 January 2022: Nothing spent, but I almost gave in. Curiosity was very strong and left the site tab open all day, checking periodically. I was very tempted. But, I didn't spend anything. I will not check the site today. The main issue is my own self control. So, one day at a time, I will commit to small goals. Just don't check the site today. I will tell myself that.

Visiting the website can definitely be a bad thing. Some advertisements are designed to get you to pay money. Every time you visit the website, you risk running into an advertisement. The website may even have enough money to detect or circumvent ad blockers.

 

[williamTheChristian]

After having this addiction on and off for several years, it will not be easy to actually stop. But, I am already seeing changes. It has been 12 days since I spent money. For the average person, this is hardly an accomplishment, for me, it's a good sign.

These are some very awesome observations. You look at the glass as half full instead of half empty! You realize that this addiction won't change overnight, especially if it is habitual. It will take time and patience. You may make small mistakes along the way, but you are focused on the long-term goal.

I also like that you look at your past and at yourself when assessing your progress and small mistakes. Of course there are some people who can go 12 consecutive days without wasting money on sexual camera services. I don't think I've ever paid for sexual camera services in my life. But these sober people are not always like you. You are unique.

It's like an old man who wants to walk faster but is constantly upset that a young woman can walk faster than him. It's a vain competition and doesn't help the old man's goal of walking faster, right? Instead of constantly trying to beat that young woman's speed and continually being disappointed at his failures, the old man can focus on slowly improving his speed instead. Maybe one day the old man might walk faster than that young woman. Maybe not. But at least the old man can see and say that his own speed is improving. It's measurable progress and measurable victory. It's something that he can be proud of and celebrate. It's a realistic goal.

 

[williamTheChristian]

Recently, I started having sex with one of the models and for now I don't feel the urge to go on the site, mainly because I feel like I am wasting my time if I could just hang out with her. But I feel like I am using it as a substitute and once we stop talking eventually, I will relapse.

Maybe this might work. But honestly, some of these types of women just want your money. This seems like a huge gamble regardless of whether you relapse or not.

 

[williamTheChristian]

I was still thinking that maybe my will power would eventually be enough, I just needed to work harder. After all, that is the main issue right?

There's a belief that marriage can help quell sexual desire or addiction. Maybe that works for some men. But I have read accounts of married men who struggle with porn addiction. I think it somewhat depends on whom you partner with. Some women actually prefer their partners to be sexual, as then those male partners are easier to manipulate or handle.

Also, you seem to like variety and convenience: having access to sex at any time and with almost any woman you want. Marriage and similar systems usually don't have that same variety and convenience. I've read of married porn addicts with wives who don't initiate or provide sex. Marriage or girlfriends don't necessarily promise sex at any given time. Maybe costume-wearing can provide some sense of variety, but expect less variety in a relationship too.

Marriage or a relationship would likely not help with my recovery. The sight of a woman can make me feel sexual, especially with the current local clothing fashion. Most women in my local area seem to like to sexually manipulate men instead of help men recover. In fact, some women would not even want their partners to mention the word "porn addiction." Yet those same women may want men to compliment their bodies, call them "beautiful," and etc; else those women may cheat or commit adultery. Men like me can get abused a lot by women, so I like being celibate instead.

Marriage and similar systems are probably only effective for you if you find a woman that can actively help you stop the addiction. And I don't think much women are interested in that. I think some women would prefer to sexually manipulate addicts.

 

[williamTheChristian]

But she was right that I was being inconsistent.

Don't ever defend a female sexual predator.

Was she trying to help you overcome your addiction or abusing you through it?

Some of these women are ultimately just trying to get free shelter, food, money, and more things at the expense of your physical health (with sexually transmitted infections.) Some women are very good at mind games and making themselves look like victims. It's absolutely and horribly disgusting when a predator tricks her prey into thinking she is innocent.

 

[williamTheChristian]

One of the hardest parts about this is that no one in my family knows. None of my friends know. I am in crippling debt and it hurts. It's painful. It sucks. It's stressful. I need help.

Do you think family would help you overcome this addiction, if they knew? Do you think they would care if the addiction is affecting your finances? Some families might care. It can be free help!

I know my family doesn't really care. My dad is a pervert. My cousin is very likely a prostitute. I think my family is sexually cursed. My situation would likely get worse if I informed family.

And yet, family does help me a little bit. Sometimes they provide healthy distractions, especially when we have conversations that are not weird or perverted. Family has sometimes helped me get gratitude, acceptance, validation, affirmation, attention, or entertaining conversations: things that I would have usually tried to seek through sexting or porn.

 

[FittyBands]

one day at a time, thank you for all your comments. I am still here

 

[FittyBands]

I have managed to get my main credit card to block the merchant for the cam site. This is good. It allows me to use this card now for main expenses and it makes it harder for me to spend on the site as my other cards are maxed out currently and will take me a while to pay off enough for the website to even allow me to browse. Once I pay things off, I block the site.

 

[FittyBands]

Still here. Still above water.