WoundedEagle
New Member
I read your story with interest because there isn't as much written on these forums about addictions specifically to cam models/cam sites. I can relate to your struggles because I too got deep into cam girl sites and I'm just now extricating myself. But while my story has similarities, it has some different twists.Hi all,
My name is Rey and I have a horrible cam girl addiction. I am writing this so I can actually talk to people about this. I am incredibly embarrassed and ashamed and I need outside help. I need to share my story. I am angry. Pissed. Ashamed. Most importantly, I feel like I have lost control of myself.
Now, you might be thinking: single, didn't get much attention from girls, clearly he was looking for an outlet to connect with women and fell into a rabbit hole.
I wish that was the case. The source of my addiction is a much deeper, more sinister, and harder problem to tackle.
Like you, I never struggled to get attention from girls. I always had girlfriends, from high school onward... I was fairly successful in various endeavors. I even married a beauty.
Strangely, though, I managed to never visit a cam model site, even after they had been around 10 or 15 years. I don't think I realized the "appeal" until one day, while bored and alone while working for an extended time in another city, I started lurking on one of the sites. At first I would just watch as a non-member...but the real problem began when I decided to sign up for one site..and then another...and eventually several. So it went from there. It's shocking how I let myself get pulled in...spending a tremendous amount of time on those sites, saving various "favorite" girls, scanning for new ones...charging to the credit card impulsively and then having a shock when I saw the monthly balance.
These sites are rigged to be worse than a casino for playing into addictive tendencies....buying tokens, spending tokens...escalating. Meanwhile, you have an actual industry where the workers (models) are consciously attempting to make you feel special so as to extract as much money as possible from you. To me, this is all quite different than passively viewing free porn on the internet. This has an element of personal interaction that makes the addiction even more difficult to break for some people.
And here's the last strange twist to my experience with these miserable cam modeling sites: It began for me like it was for you, going room to room, interacting with different models, looking for novelty. But early on, I got hooked on a particular model in a more emotional way. It wasn't even overtly sexual, but she was an absolute genius when it came to reading my issues and knowing how to create a sort of "girlfriend experience" that I wasn't even seeking. Before I knew it, this charming Russian woman had convinced me that I was in some sort of relationship with her (and it didn't help that she would refer to me as her "boyfriend" and suggest that we were going to meet...even though many "red flags" about her motivations and sincerity were apparent).
While most of the girls are just doing the run-of-the-mill cam modeling...performing for you, making you feel special but keeping some degree of boundary...this girl was like an emotional predator. She began to gradually interject a romantic element into our conversations...little statements that suggested a desire for a real relationship, a future. Some would call it a "love scam" and maybe that's what it was...but her skill at this was impressive. I don't even want to say how much money I spent simply talking to this woman in private sessions, sending her offline tips, even exchanging emails with her.
So in this case, the cam girl problem for me began in the usual form...it was very typical, sexually unhealthy behavior. But that gave way to something like an emotional addiction (or obsession) with this one model, egged on by what was 90 percent deception and manipulation on her part. It was like a predator targeting one's needs for intimacy and connection, capitalizing off loneliness and my obsessive personality. To me, this aspect of the cam girl/cam site experience is the most evil: the fact that these sites provide a forum for a certain kind of model who has no moral compass and no guilt about the emotional (and financial) devastation that she can wreak on you if you are vulnerable to it.
Amazingly, all this transpired over the course of a year. I've come out of the daze and regained my wits, but I'm still shaking my head over the financial waste and even worse, I'm experiencing a lot of self-loathing about wasting so much time and emotional energy on something so utterly empty. And yet even now, it's a struggle to avoid going back to talk to that one cam girl...almost like I'm trying to chase sunk costs or keep her "a little bit" in my life. But rationally, I realize that this is self-delusion: There is no truth, honesty, or real intimacy to be found on cam modeling sites.
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