Cam Girl Addiction: From Financially Savvy to Buried in Debt

FittyBands

Active Member
Good job on avoiding that rabbit hole. Are you able to utilize any of the distractions we discussed? Prayer, push-ups, going outside, music?
But today I am just getting up to walk around and then focusing on my work again
 

Noah

Member
When this happened it was 1 am, I should have just slept. I was literally tired. I felt like something was possessing me, forcing me to see if I could get it up anyway so I could get that validation.
I feel you. I know that urge very well. If you're able to, I might try journaling in those moments. Just write down what you're feeling. Try putting it into words. I have a Recovery Journal that I write in multiple times a day. It helps to distract me.
 

FittyBands

Active Member
I feel you. I know that urge very well. If you're able to, I might try journaling in those moments. Just write down what you're feeling. Try putting it into words. I have a Recovery Journal that I write in multiple times a day. It helps to distract me.
I will start doing that.
 

FittyBands

Active Member
Do something physical and constructive. Like right away, when the thoughts start coming. This could be anything from playing (or learning) guitar or some instrument to fixing something around the house to splitting wood.

Or just go walking or running.
Really taking this to heart
 

FittyBands

Active Member
Day 5: Spent $10.33 due to strong urge. Show got cut short and I spent an hour on the site looking to get my rocks off but I did not succeed, thankfully. I lost time to sleep but I did not fall into a rabbit hole. I should have slept before I felt the urge. Currently doing work. I have to lock in.
End of Day 5 update. No money spent. Going to bed. Looking to focus on my work tomorrow and fight this urge. Wish me luck.
 

FittyBands

Active Member
Day 6: Yesterday was good. Spent no money. Did get on the site and was tempted during my work breaks, but I managed to spend nothing.
Day 7: Spent $32.45 this morning. Felt shameful. Afterwards, I buckled down on work. So, at least I was productive. Today, I went on the site, saw a model that I really wanted to spend time with and impress with my body, and I gave in. That need for validation was strong today and I need to combat that.
 

Noah

Member
Day 7: Spent $32.45 this morning. Felt shameful. Afterwards, I buckled down on work. So, at least I was productive. Today, I went on the site, saw a model that I really wanted to spend time with and impress with my body, and I gave in. That need for validation was strong today and I need to combat that.
Are you familiar with the concept of "playing the tape"? It means that when you feel the urge to do something like that, try to imagine what you'll feel like afterwards. Probably not too good. Then on the other hand, try to imagine what it will feel like later if you *don't* succumb to the urge. Probably better, right? It's hard to remember to do in moment, but if you can, it's reeeaaaalllly helpful.
 

FittyBands

Active Member
Day 7: Spent $32.45 this morning. Felt shameful. Afterwards, I buckled down on work. So, at least I was productive. Today, I went on the site, saw a model that I really wanted to spend time with and impress with my body, and I gave in. That need for validation was strong today and I need to combat that.
Day 8: Spent money early in the middle of the night. My grand total from Day 7 is now $48.42. Currently doing work. I do have moments when I am looking at the cam girls and I am genuinely disgusted by them. I remember when I paid a cam model to sleep with her, and even tho she was beautiful, her pussy was loose and it stank. So, I look at models and remember that and think "Damn, these h*oes ain't what they cracked up to be. All they pussies probably stink too." I like that I look at them at times and feel repulsed. I wanna tap into it. To remind me that what I imagine ain't reality.
 

FittyBands

Active Member
Day 8: Spent money early in the middle of the night. My grand total from Day 7 is now $48.42. Currently doing work. I do have moments when I am looking at the cam girls and I am genuinely disgusted by them. I remember when I paid a cam model to sleep with her, and even tho she was beautiful, her pussy was loose and it stank. So, I look at models and remember that and think "Damn, these h*oes ain't what they cracked up to be. All they pussies probably stink too." I like that I look at them at times and feel repulsed. I wanna tap into it. To remind me that what I imagine ain't reality.
Day 8: Update - Spent no more money, got work done. I have to tap in.
 
Progress!

And yes, I have found that finding something about it that triggers a negative emotional reaction will help. You need this to interrupt the positive emotional reactions that have built the neural pathways that make you crave it more.
 

GeminiMan

Well-Known Member
@FittyBands I hear you I have been there . I have spent about $700 on cam in last 2 years. I have stopped it for now . But I still relapse to free Chat rooms now no porn . My addiction is actually text no more pics or videos. It’s weird . I am fighting it and it’s giving me pretty hard time by not allowing me to go without chat rooms for more than 3 days .

last two months since I never spent money on cam or Premium porn I decided to reward myself with Amazon audible subscription to educate myself on addiction.
I read “Breaking the Cycle” from George Collins MA . And the “power of now” from Ekhartole .
Both are masterpieces I would say for addicts . It certainly showed where is the light is and how to get there . Now it’s my responsibility to walk the path shown . My journey has started I feel .
Reward yourself with positive education for not spending money on negative things. That will double your confidence I bet .
Good luck buddy I am with you
 

Noah

Member
Great job, FittyBands. Have you been able to determine what makes a good day or a bad day? What are the stress factors that make you want to go spend money there?
 

FittyBands

Active Member
Great job, FittyBands. Have you been able to determine what makes a good day or a bad day? What are the stress factors that make you want to go spend money there?
My genuinely busy days are good days because I actually can't be on my laptop and waste time. My issue is when I have to be on my comupter without an immediate deadline. I still need to figure that out.
 

FittyBands

Active Member
Messed up big time. Spent a lot of money on two models that I missed. $133. They loved seeing me and told me how much they missed me. They were so turned on seeing me and came so quick with me. It was amazing. But I know that this shit is fucking me up and I cannot afford this at all. I remembered that I was tired. That these girls are probably gross in real life. That they often have questionable characters. Yet, here I am. I reminded myself that I would feel horrible later. I didn't care. This addiction is too much. I have had enough and I am tired of being tired of myself. This is an honest reflection.
 
Hello and welcome. One thing I gotta say: I think the rules of RBN say that you shouldn't mention porn actors or porn websites by name. They could act as a trigger to someone. So, I suggest you go to your first post and edit it deleting the name of the website.

All the best on your reboot!
 
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canguro

Active Member
Hey man, do you really think they are turned on by you and are happy to see you again, or that they rather want you to come back and spend more money and therefore are nice to you, bit think you are a looser irl? I think you are a bit arrogant against them when you say they are propably gross irl etc., but then you are the addict that gets into depts because you have no control over your life...
I think this should be part of your honest reflection and I don't say this to attack you, but because I think that's something you need to realize. It feels good when they tell you how big your dick is etc, I get it, but you have to stop to feel good about some girls telling you how great you are for your money.

PS: And I think you should ask yourself, why you need their admiration and are willing to spend so much money for it at all.
 
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