Cam Girl Addiction: From Financially Savvy to Buried in Debt

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Addictinsoldier

New Member
FittyBands said:
This might be the hardest thing I have done
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I’ve literally just come across this entire forum and honestly I don’t think I’ve ever related to someone so hard in my life. Like literally you have spoken everything I have felt. I too have dealt and do deal with cam addiction. I’ve spent thousands and thousands on cams. I’m actually scared of calculating the total amount over the past 3/4 years but I know it’s way over 4 figures. I’ve found that being addicted to this has left me feeling empty and the same. I’ve been that “guy” who goes into a models room and spends the most they’ve ever seen. Probably because of ego. I’ve tipped to have their numbers and Snapchat’s and exhancged photos and videos which I always get a reaction that boosts my ego which again I think is just a business move from them. But I’m also looking to get myself out of financial debt and beat it this year. I’m glad someone like yourself has spoken out and mentioned it. I’m young too and have a decent career so I should be able to save and enjoy my life bur everything gets funded towards the cams which leaves me with nothing. Sad really. I keep dwelling on the past and that’s what haunts me. I can’t forgive my past. Ironic because I don’t stop dwelling on the past or stop mentally living there I can never move forward. I hope you beat this and just know I’m rooting for you. I’m in the same boat
 
FittyBands

FittyBands

Active Member
Addictinsoldier said:
I’ve literally just come across this entire forum and honestly I don’t think I’ve ever related to someone so hard in my life. Like literally you have spoken everything I have felt. I too have dealt and do deal with cam addiction. I’ve spent thousands and thousands on cams. I’m actually scared of calculating the total amount over the past 3/4 years but I know it’s way over 4 figures. I’ve found that being addicted to this has left me feeling empty and the same. I’ve been that “guy” who goes into a models room and spends the most they’ve ever seen. Probably because of ego. I’ve tipped to have their numbers and Snapchat’s and exhancged photos and videos which I always get a reaction that boosts my ego which again I think is just a business move from them. But I’m also looking to get myself out of financial debt and beat it this year. I’m glad someone like yourself has spoken out and mentioned it. I’m young too and have a decent career so I should be able to save and enjoy my life bur everything gets funded towards the cams which leaves me with nothing. Sad really. I keep dwelling on the past and that’s what haunts me. I can’t forgive my past. Ironic because I don’t stop dwelling on the past or stop mentally living there I can never move forward. I hope you beat this and just know I’m rooting for you. I’m in the same boat
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This really spoke to me. It's a constant battle. But I have faith we can beat it.
 
FittyBands

FittyBands

Active Member
Today, on 26 April 2022, I forced myself to be clean for good. I downloaded coldturkey, blocked it, locked it with a randomly generated password. I have no idea what that password is. So, I will never be able to access that site anymore. Ironically, I had a falling out with the cam girl I started having sex with a few weeks ago and the falling out turned me off so much that I wanted to block everything so I wouldn't be reminded of her. I feel free.
 
FittyBands

FittyBands

Active Member
First day of knowing I am clean. To anyone who needs it, downloading coldturkey, paying the $40 for the lifetime access, and blocking things permanently with a password you cannot remember is the way to go.
 
FittyBands

FittyBands

Active Member
I find this so weird...I didn't think a cam girl would put me over the edge. I was still thinking that maybe my will power would eventually be enough, I just needed to work harder. After all, that is the main issue right? Perhaps so, but I was making my life more difficult by having access. In reality, I wanted to "redo" my bad experience with a cam girl a couple years ago and see if I can meet one again and have sex with her. I succeeded, and afterwards I realized that it didn't help. Once the falling out happened with the new cam girl, I realized that I hated contributing to people like that. I didn't want to see her again or see others again. I knew that was my opportunity to block everything, before it wore off.
 
FittyBands

FittyBands

Active Member
I think my time with the cam girl was one big episode. I was able to live my sexual addiction to its fullest extent. I would cam with her, have sex often, she would validate me, never had to pay. It felt nice. It felt like what I wanted. But I knew it would lead to my downfall. I was constantly checking the site to see when she was on. Why? Makes no sense. The urge to join her cam show was so strong. It didn't make sense. If it weren't for the fact that she was in the other room and we would have sex later that day, I think I would have gave in. The addiction was so strong and I literally immersed myself in it. Started liking her. She eventually felt like it wasn't worth her time unless she was getting "taken care of" which I wasn't about. But she did call me out on my bs. I had no issues paying when she was a cam girl, but suddenly when I am fucking in real life I don't want to put out? In reality, I wanted to live out a fantasy. My finances are shot so I can't support her even if I wanted to. But she was right that I was being inconsistent. She was a cam girl. She was who she was. I wanted to live out a different reality. We connected on a personal level though...we were the same kind of "weird" and quirky...she cooked for me and let me stay at her home for days at a time...she had a weird hatred for men but would be attending to my needs...she herself needs therapy as I saw her happy tending to a man that she thought cared for her...but her fear got to her as well...

My thoughts aren't even cohesive at this point.

When we had our falling out, it felt like a break up. A heart break. I couldn't stand being on the site knowing that she didn't want to see me anymore. I felt that way after my first encounter with a cam girl two years prior. But this hurt given how much time we spent together. She even introduced me to her family... it really sucked. That was when I knew that I had to get rid of the site while I was grieving,, while the thought of being online was painful. TBH, I still went on a final spending spree on other models for an hour..."to get it out of my system"...that is how pervasive my addiction was. I knew then and there it had to stop. Once I was "satisfied" I blocked everything. I blocked other sites. I didn't want any reminders of her...

I am a week clean. My original post was all the way back in September. 7 months. It took almost 7 months exactly from the time of my self confession to deleting this cancer. My finances will recover one day. One of the hardest parts about this is that no one in my family knows. None of my friends know. I am in crippling debt and it hurts. It's painful. It sucks. It's stressful. I need help. But I will get out of this. I am not a normal person. I was crazy enough to get myself into this. I'm crazy enough to find my way out and be intact.
 
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