Growing up with PORN

Sooo this a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down, I would like take a moment to seat right here and tell you how I became a porn addict.
Where shall we start…hello my name is ******* and I am a porn addict. Let’s start with that.

I have been watching porn since 10-11 years old, accidentally stumbled on it while on a suspicious pirated films website. I had no idea what it was or how it was gonna shape my mind. Porn has affected: my confidence from a young age, how I view women, what I thought of sex, my mental health, my happiness. I have been through it all with porn, my ups and downs.
I have seen my child self falling in love with this exciting new entertainment/escape that’s called porn. I have seen my teenage self dive deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole for more taboo and weird porn. I have seen my young adulthood suffer with performance anxiety and the addiction to porn built up over years.

Now I am 21, sitting here, telling you about why I haven’t been able to overcome this addiction. I know all the negatives, I know what the future holds if I carry on down this path but I haven’t been able to resist that temptations after a short while of not watching. The longest I have gone without it in the last 10year was probably 3-4 months. I have been trying to quit porn for the last 3 years and still struggling. I have hit rock bottom with this addiction. I have relapsed so many times, I have lost count. Every time I give in, I can feel the self hate, shame and hopeless grow. I can feel it wear down my mental health so much. I feel lost, I feel deflated. I wish I could talk to my younger self about what I was getting into.

I relapsed today ! I want to start quitting again ! I want to overcome this demon that has been haunting me for years. Please give me some help and support through this journey. This is my first time posting in a thread. If you are going through a similar journey, let me know, I don’t want to fight this alone anymore.
 
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Sangiha

Member
You are still young. Stay strong and you can beat this thing in less than a year.. and you’ll still be only 22. You know how bad it is, and you want to quit badly. Its up to you man. I’m with you here. Been heavily addicted since 11 years old and been trying to quit for 2 years now and i’m 25. Our brains are seriously damaged. But we are on the right track and we will be cured. Only if you want it bad enough. If you need someone to hold you accountable and share experience with feel free to send me a private message. You can do this man.
 
You are still young. Stay strong and you can beat this thing in less than a year.. and you’ll still be only 22. You know how bad it is, and you want to quit badly. Its up to you man. I’m with you here. Been heavily addicted since 11 years old and been trying to quit for 2 years now and i’m 25. Our brains are seriously damaged. But we are on the right track and we will be cured. Only if you want it bad enough. If you need someone to hold you accountable and share experience with feel free to send me a private message. You can do this man.
Thanks man for the supportive message ! I will definitely message if I need a chat ! Our brains are seriously affected but I guess it still has some plasticity to repair it. Has your journey had many relapses ? If so how have you overcome them and forgiven yourself ?
 

Fappy

Respected Member
its a good thing youve been able to identify the problem and find the cure at such a young age! so thats something to feel grateful for.
stop it now before it fucks you up any more. a thing about relapses: yes, you will definately relapse many many times. its all part of the process. each relapse is a learning moment. find out why you relapsed and what the trigger was and it wont happen again.
 

Sangiha

Member
Thanks man for the supportive message ! I will definitely message if I need a chat ! Our brains are seriously affected but I guess it still has some plasticity to repair it. Has your journey had many relapses ? If so how have you overcome them and forgiven yourself ?
I’ve been on good streaks up to 150 days and thought i was finally cured when my pied symptoms were completely gone. But its always those moments when i feel cured that I get hooked back into porn and bringing me back to the starting point. I have been through this cycle a couple times already now and it is killing me.
I need to remind myself the pain and suffering i had to go through to get to that point so i stay strong. But on the bright side I know what it feels like to be on the other side and I know i am capable of healing so I am less anxious during the flatline process. But it still sucks a lot haha

you can’t blame yourself too hard for relapsing since were human and we are bound to make mistakes. But please .. please do not go down the binge cycle and ruin all your progress. Get right back onto a new streak - recognize that your brains will try to trick you to relapse again in the next few days and don’t fall for the trick.
 
its a good thing youve been able to identify the problem and find the cure at such a young age! so thats something to feel grateful for.
stop it now before it fucks you up any more. a thing about relapses: yes, you will definately relapse many many times. its all part of the process. each relapse is a learning moment. find out why you relapsed and what the trigger was and it wont happen again.
Thanks for being so positive! I appreciate the encouragement and advice so much ! I am on the journey to stop it asap. So far I have gone 3 days without looking any temptation. I know it’s not long but it’s something. I think posting on this form has really increase my morale. Thank you
 
I’ve been on good streaks up to 150 days and thought i was finally cured when my pied symptoms were completely gone. But its always those moments when i feel cured that I get hooked back into porn and bringing me back to the starting point. I have been through this cycle a couple times already now and it is killing me.
I need to remind myself the pain and suffering i had to go through to get to that point so i stay strong. But on the bright side I know what it feels like to be on the other side and I know i am capable of healing so I am less anxious during the flatline process. But it still sucks a lot haha

you can’t blame yourself too hard for relapsing since were human and we are bound to make mistakes. But please .. please do not go down the binge cycle and ruin all your progress. Get right back onto a new streak - recognize that your brains will try to trick you to relapse again in the next few days and don’t fall for the trick.
150 days ! That’s pretty impressive, Cant imagine that struggle and will power that you had to get there. The cycles hurt so much because, you can easily see the pattern but it’s so hard to break it.

Our brains definitely play tricks especially if we have gone on long streaks. Its like the mind goes “you have gone this far without it, you have control of it, how bad can watch it one more time be ?”, then I feel like it switches on ‘oh well, just fuck it’ mode where I forget about all the history, pain and disappointment of relapse.

I am glad you mentioned the binge cycle ! I hate that so much ! I go through it every time I relapse. The inner monologue will just say…”you have watched it once, why not watch a couple more”. I need to learn to fight these thoughts, that’s the only way I will quit this thing for good.

is there any else you did that helped you to reach a long streak ? What’s your main drive ?
 

Sangiha

Member
150 days ! That’s pretty impressive, Cant imagine that struggle and will power that you had to get there. The cycles hurt so much because, you can easily see the pattern but it’s so hard to break it.

Our brains definitely play tricks especially if we have gone on long streaks. Its like the mind goes “you have gone this far without it, you have control of it, how bad can watch it one more time be ?”, then I feel like it switches on ‘oh well, just fuck it’ mode where I forget about all the history, pain and disappointment of relapse.

I am glad you mentioned the binge cycle ! I hate that so much ! I go through it every time I relapse. The inner monologue will just say…”you have watched it once, why not watch a couple more”. I need to learn to fight these thoughts, that’s the only way I will quit this thing for good.

is there any else you did that helped you to reach a long streak ? What’s your main drive ?
You can do it too! I wish i new i was in deep waters when i was your age man.
Feel free to check out my story and what I did that helped me get through tough moments from the link below.

 
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