No-PMO for the best version of myself

dssj92

dssj92

Member
Day 1 - 10/10/2021

Hi guys, first of all, I'd like to apologize once English is not my first language. I'm 29 years old and I live in Brazil. I'm close to have my Doctorate degree on Chemical Engineering on feb-2022, though I always had some problems on PMO. Actually I've been struggling with PMO since I was 16 y.o. I decided to make the reboot since 2020 because my P use escalated to material that did not correspond to my sexuality (related to trans, CDs and other contents). I have even tried to go to chat rooms and talk to those people on internet, but after the talk I didn't feel good. Therapist didn't help me too because she said this behavior was normal, and after 1 year of treatment things didn't improve too much.

I could manage about 45 days twice, but some stress made me come back to this bad habit. I've decided to change because I've discovered a reason to live for: I want to be a good professor, and I want to be the best version of myself to the students too. It' possible to live without PMO, I'll do my best.

Some related questions that are important to me:
  • Triggers: it's kind of strange, but especially low self-steem, also when the results of my thesis aren't as good as I expect. Besides, when I begin to question myself if I'm capable of doing something. This creates on me bad feelings and my stress can increase.
  • How did I soothe my anxiety or stress? Through physical exercise, reading and medidation before sleeping. Also, I've discovered that I want to play electric guitar, and I'll take some lessons. But I can't do it right now because I'm giving classes till the end of february. I like to study other languages too, like French for example.
  • What am I grateful for today? I'm grateful for my life, for being alive, I can walk, breathe, help the other students too.
I hope I'll get rid of it. I'll change for my best version.
 
dssj92

dssj92

Member
Day 0 - 10/12/2021

Unfortunately, I'll have to reset my counter after 3 days without PMO. I took my cellphone to the bathroom and I binged on PMO during 1 hour. It was better than last saturday, when I saw 4 h of content. Anyway, a new journey starts and I'll do my best. Again, the feeling of not being an excellent professional popped up on my head and the stress had began. Now I'll make some jogging just to get back to work after my lunch. It can take me a long tome, but I won't quit this time.
 
Fappy

Fappy

Respected Member
Dont worry about it, relapses are a part of the process. ive done that before actually, except i would alternate between several toilets so as to not arouse suspicion between my coworkers. it was a lot longer than 1 hour let me tell you... utterly pathetic isnt it.
Be aware of the chaser effect after a PMO session, expect it and nullify it.
 
dssj92

dssj92

Member
Day 1 and Day 2 - 10/13/2021 and 10/14/2021

Hi guys, I've been a little different those days. I have more energy, though some urges too. Today I woke up with some unvoluntary erections. The bad part is also that some thoughts of P are still there. During my other streaks, the first 3 days ere really the most difficult. Ont thing that helped me was to change the bathroom that I used on my house, the desire to relapse decreased. Also, I'm avoiding to see my smartphone all the time, just checking once per hour. Another disadvantage is that my work is at the computer, i.e., give classes. So, my willpower will have to be in good shape. I'll enjoy this higher energy just to work more and with more quality too.

Features of the streak (from 0 to 10):
  • Sleeping: 8
  • Energy: 9
  • Libido: 9
  • Desire to relapse: 9
 
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