LettingPornGo
Member
Hello All,
This is the first of my journaling in this group, so I will be as brief/succinct as I can. I am a 50 year old man, who has been on and off in a relationship with my life partner for 34 years (yep, met at age 15). Our relationship over the course of the years, has been toxic most times at best (he has also struggled with addiction issues). I have had a relationship with porn for about 28 years. Earlier on, I thought, just normal, and would PMO for various reasons...loneliness, libido, sad, depressed, stressed, can't sleep..you name it, but porn was my constant.
At the age of 40, I would say, I started to notice ED issues...not dramatic, but the issue was there. I wasn't really thinking that porn was an issue, or even that I was addicted to it. Meanwhile, during separations, I might have met other sexual interests, and intercourse was inconsistent. I attributed it to missing my SO during breakups. When we were together, our intimacy was lacking, but I craved porn very much. I attributed it to the stress of the relationship, but it was more...I craved it..missed it. I wasn't open about my problem (didn't recognize/admit that I had a problem). During travel, alone time, I couldn't wait to watch my collection of porn to PMO...so satisfying, but then felt guilt/shame/less than afterwards.
Fast forward, at age 50, porn has been my go to..particularly at night before bed. I have craved it at times, other times, has been because of routine. If I were to miss a day or two, I would crave it. I have used a "download" app for many years...porn is readily available at a click away..don't even have to pay for it. I have a massive video collection..probably a half terrabyte on 2 external drives, put securely away for my enjoyment. Even categorized some by studios. What ever I crave, I have it in my collection.
At age 50, I have begun to recognize that I am an addict, with porn induced erectile dysfunction. My libido is healthy, in phenomenal shape and build, can get solid erections during porn, but extreme anxiety over physical, human contact, and cannot maintain an erection. Porn has overtaken, and I want this unhealthy relationship to cease and regain human love and personal intimacy.
This is a first step, and acknowledging my addiction. I have shared this with my SO, and this is day 1 for me. Although we are living apart right now, I am working on myself to become an even better version of me. I can't say that I won't MO..this will be a phase, at least to eliminate porn from my life. I look forward to participating and supporting others on this journey.
This is the first of my journaling in this group, so I will be as brief/succinct as I can. I am a 50 year old man, who has been on and off in a relationship with my life partner for 34 years (yep, met at age 15). Our relationship over the course of the years, has been toxic most times at best (he has also struggled with addiction issues). I have had a relationship with porn for about 28 years. Earlier on, I thought, just normal, and would PMO for various reasons...loneliness, libido, sad, depressed, stressed, can't sleep..you name it, but porn was my constant.
At the age of 40, I would say, I started to notice ED issues...not dramatic, but the issue was there. I wasn't really thinking that porn was an issue, or even that I was addicted to it. Meanwhile, during separations, I might have met other sexual interests, and intercourse was inconsistent. I attributed it to missing my SO during breakups. When we were together, our intimacy was lacking, but I craved porn very much. I attributed it to the stress of the relationship, but it was more...I craved it..missed it. I wasn't open about my problem (didn't recognize/admit that I had a problem). During travel, alone time, I couldn't wait to watch my collection of porn to PMO...so satisfying, but then felt guilt/shame/less than afterwards.
Fast forward, at age 50, porn has been my go to..particularly at night before bed. I have craved it at times, other times, has been because of routine. If I were to miss a day or two, I would crave it. I have used a "download" app for many years...porn is readily available at a click away..don't even have to pay for it. I have a massive video collection..probably a half terrabyte on 2 external drives, put securely away for my enjoyment. Even categorized some by studios. What ever I crave, I have it in my collection.
At age 50, I have begun to recognize that I am an addict, with porn induced erectile dysfunction. My libido is healthy, in phenomenal shape and build, can get solid erections during porn, but extreme anxiety over physical, human contact, and cannot maintain an erection. Porn has overtaken, and I want this unhealthy relationship to cease and regain human love and personal intimacy.
This is a first step, and acknowledging my addiction. I have shared this with my SO, and this is day 1 for me. Although we are living apart right now, I am working on myself to become an even better version of me. I can't say that I won't MO..this will be a phase, at least to eliminate porn from my life. I look forward to participating and supporting others on this journey.