Day 3

Marcc

Member
Day 3 of full recovery all is well for now but the more l abstain from any kind of nudity, the more l have flashes of porn, the more l try to manipulate my own mind to think of anything sexual, the more these argues grow strong and stronger. l am trying to have a fixed day everyday so that l always have something to do, if only there was a way to just free or remove all these sort of bad sides of me. l am always scared that somebody l might be known for my bad ways, l know l might not be baddest person or someone with the most darkest parts in them, but l still don't feel comfortable living as if l am a slave to my mind and body. l wish l could be in control all time to control my feelings, thoughts, imagination and actions, but all bad things have to come to and end at some time in life. Today l don't masturbate nor watch porn l actually didn't feel as if l am trying to avoid this dark person l felt free to go about my day, some times l feel as if someone can tell what l am doing or thinking, maybe l should feel this way so that l have some kind of limit to my thinking and actions, but these days am sort of flooding my day to movies and series which is bad cause l have a lot of school work to do, more to read, more to research and many more things to do, am trying to wake up early at 7 but still waking up at 8 or some minutes after but l will find my way back to 7am soon, am planning to have more things to do so that my mind always feels l have important things to do every time and l also feel as if l need someone to just open up to at times when l feel down or empty.

So these this girl from church we were friends when her and l were kids but then boarding school happened and we sort of drifted apart every time l visited but now l am here forever now, l haven't really found the time to talk to her just the two of us, l guess its hard to talk to someone you feel has been your long love before you meant them, am actually scared to talk to here, like what will l say, what if she has grown to someone or something else and am now just that person from church, but its better to try than live with regrets, l hope to meet her soon and hopefully l will say something to her l maybe get her number. But all is well for my recovery which is one of the most important thing right now to fix.
 

Nick_cmiiw

New Member
Hi, Marc)
Imma happy for ur recovery! It doesn't matter, in fact, 3rd or 33rd day u r going. What has motivated u to start ur recovery?
 

Marcc

Member
Hi, Marc)
Imma happy for ur recovery! It doesn't matter, in fact, 3rd or 33rd day u r going. What has motivated u to start ur recovery?
to be honest the people around me l feel as if l am hiding the honest part of me and just presenting a fake me all the tym
 
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