Firstly I want to say that I'm rebooting for 10 months and since February to July(5 months) was hardmode and after that I have been orgasming by HJ and only a couple of times by sex.My issue is that 100% of time when i approach foreplay I can only think about my dick and whether it will get up and of course it never does without me or my gf stroking it...It kills spontaneous intercourse and any desire for me.I mean I want to have sex but then I worry so much about my dick that I turn myself and my gf off.If you think that's dumb listen to this:I've noticed that anxiety crawled into my sexual dreams-I'm dreaming about touching myself down there in order to get it up and have sex and then when I wake up with 100% erection,I immediately start to think how long will it stay up and it goes away in matter of seconds.Even pills don't help at all because my anxiety overpoweres them.Is my problem that I want erection on demand or some physical cause like venous leak ? Please help me guys you are my only hope
I'm desperate...Anxiety is killing me
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Eren jaeger
Member
You need to relax and just let things happen naturally, one of the main causes of natural ED( not the porn induced type) is anxiety, try some viagra and slowly become confident to the point where you wont need it anymore, the issue that we have will take years to slowly solve, but when it is resolved, it will be beautiful!
Thanks for reply,means a lot to me.I've tried Cialis because it has long lasting effect but it didn't help much except that it kinda makes me ready in another 10-15 minutes but everything else regarding erection and sex is the same
I'm the exact same way it's coming up on 2 years now since I started my reboot, and I'm ALWAYS thinking about my libido - If my sex drive is high enough too get turned on and if I get an erection if I'm going too go soft as it's happened a fair few times. This in turn makes me always in my head about the issue. Wanna know the funny thing tho? If say for example I have sex in the morning and despite the anxiety have successful sex and maintain an erection later on that day I can usually have good sex since my mind is relaxed and the pressure is off since I had sex earlier haha, I know this is so stupid but still everytime I think sex is on the cards Im in my head wondering if my sex drive is highly enough too get really aroused and if I'm going too stay hard if I do it's really soul sucking
Well I feel pretty similar to you man,but the difference is my libido is high I want to have sex and I want to orgasm but I just got my mind so used to stroking it to get it up that now even in my sexual dreams I stroke it first and only then I'm able to have sex because in those dreams I'm not worried about maintaining an erection.I agree with you 100% on that part that later in the day if I didn't fail the pressure is off and anxiety is easier to deal with.
I've also had weird dreams where even in the dream I'm worried about going soft and shit Hahaha, but yeah sounds like we have a pretty similar problem but my theory as of now is my sex drive is low due too me always wondering if I can perform, but the weird thing is some days Im able too get an erection no problem at all just thinking about having sex I'll get hard but the other 99 percent of the time Im nowhere near that turned on and find it very difficult to get into it
I often wonder why that is, why sometimes sex drive is high and then as I said 99 percent of the time I couldn't really care about sex. Messes with your head really - especially when you have this anxiety about performing without going soft in your head aswell
Well the point is when you are home alone thinking about sex you don't have any anxiety hence you get hard.But when you need to get it up for your gf then anxiety kicks in and things begin not to work out.I understand all of this but still it's hard for me not to think about my dick and past failures...
Just a suggestion, you can totally cut down on HJs for sometime and try and get massages if possible on a frequent basis, to try to achieve erections without HJs. Gradually I'm guessing your mind will condition itself to get erections without HJs. And tbh there's nothing to be embarassed of infront of the masseuse, if you don't get the erection, just take the massage and go home, if you do....problem solved
Emptyroom
Active Member
Sex doesn't have to involve your D, It doesn't have to involve you having an orgasm. It could and would be much better for you to change your perception about sex and stop thinking about if your D will work or not. That might sound silly to you but I guess that your GF doesn't orgasm every time and you don't have to either. Sex is not just about you having an orgasm. Caress and be near your GF and change your focus to be on her and your sense of feeling. Don't think about penetration. Sex should not just be experienced with your D and with your eyes (that is what P teaches us), sex should be experienced with touch, heat, smell, sounds and social interaction. Just think about having a good sensual time with her. Talk to her about this. Set expectations. Sex could be so much more and with time (two months it was for me) you don't have to worry about your D because it will work itself out by itself. Just give it time. Focus on feeling her body and giving pleasure to her. "Cupid's poisoned arrow" is a book that I would recommend on this subject. Sex will not feel as good as you would like it to in the beginning, but do it anyway with a limp D and it will get better and better and eventually a hell of a lot better than it ever was.
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Thanks guys for reading my case and responding I'm so grateful and i find your suggestions really helpful.Just one thing is confusing me,what do you mean by saying do it with limp D ? How can I have sex with limp D ? If you mean fingering I have done it already many times...
Emptyroom
Active Member
Hi! What I mean is that you should stop having sex with your D entirely for a while. Have sex without using your D. Don't O. Just snuggle naked and kiss your GF and give her pleasure in many ways.
Having sex and inserting your D inside someone else is not the same thing. Sex is about connection between human beings. The opposite of P. You don't need to penetrate, you don't need to O. It is actually unproductive for your journey that you let her give you HJs.
I don't know you and you now best what you already are doing but P warps the mind and teaches us that sex should be selfish and based around your D. Your problem seem to be that you can't stop thinking about if "it will work". It doesn't have to work. Just spend time in bed with your girlfriend without using your D at all. Think about her and feel her body. Sooner than you think your brain will rewire and you will be able to have more "normal" sex without even thinking about your D because it will be hard every time.
Hey bro,I understand what you mean and I agree with you,I've been in sexless(or more precise no penis in vagina nor any HJ nor BJ) relationship for a 6-7 months and I did all of that stuff you mentioned above: "Just spend time in bed with your girlfriend without using your D at all. Think about her and feel her body."and around summer I noticed my D started working more and more even from hugs at some point and that's when I had sex(penis in vagina) for the first time and lost my virginity.I was doing hardmode at the time and I was more horny than ever,but after that I gradually kinda lost that hornines and only anxiety remained even though I find my gf extremely hot and beautiful.So if I got you right you are suggesting hardmode and only giving her attention and forgetting about existence of my D until it starts working again ?
Emptyroom
Active Member
Well, you know yourself the best. As I said I don't know the full picture. You can probably work on this problem on more than one level but I think that changing your perceptions on what good sex is would be beneficial for you and take away the focus on your ability to perform. I am making a presumption about you now based on what you write and I hope that it doesn't offend you. You can work on the anxiety with your GF or with someone professional. I wonder why your libido just would disappear at that point. I think it would be beneficial for you to work with your thoughts and to find a way to accept your present state as something that could last your entire life and that it would be fine. That's not true but I think that it would be beneficial. Well, you should be able to enjoy the kind of sex that I described as well. It wouldn't be hardmode because you would have sex the only difference is that you don't have the need to penetrate in any way or O. But do what you feel is best for you.
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