Good evening everyone. First Post. I am 46 and live in Florida, in the U.S.
I first saw porn when I was somewhere around 10 years old. I was at my neighbors' house, he let me hand out with him in his living room and he was a married father and a good friend of the family. He put on TV and it was porn. I was just amazed. I didn't not actually figure out masturbation until years later.
I was always hyper sexual. When I was as young as 5, I still don't know why, I would dress as a woman. I would get aroused by wearing womens' clothing, something that I stopped doing in my early teens. My compulsion moved to pornographic magazines, late night cable television, women's lingerie catalogs and then pornographic VHS tapes and DVDs. As we all now the internet changed everything and young me stood no chance.
I am here because I have successfully conquered other addictions in life (6 months drug and alcohol free) and naturally felt it was necessary to conquer the beast of POM.
From reading and listening to a lot of podcasts about porn, I have come to terms that porn and addiction to sex has costed me alot in this life --- my longest relationship of 6 years ended, not in small part because my partner was just sick and tired. She watched me go to AA for sex addicts, but she'd had enough. I was not getting better. Since this relationship, I have not had another relationship I can say I was committed to. I simply loved porn too much.
I also believe that porn ruined my first career, the one I went to college for, worked in for 10 years, and then fizzled out.
It also destroyed my young financial life, as I was addicted to getting expensive "happy ending" massages for years!
Quitting alcohol has been the best thing I have done for myself i my adult life and has now enabled me to tackle this much older addiction.
In the last few months, I have attempted a 90 day reboot several times. I have relapsed a dozen times or so. I went 13 days without POM, and then relapsed. I had a long string of one or two days, and even went back to the daily habit for a few days. But there is no denying that this experience changed me. I do not think about porn the same way. I now think of the implications, my eyes are open.
I am currently three days free into what will hopefully be my 90 day reboot. I am optimistic this time because I have been meditating every day so far, and I think this is helping me tremendously with anxiety.
My eventual goal out of a 90 day reboot is to gain agency and control over my sexual life, also my WHOLE life. I am tired of the guilt, the shame, the poor performance with women. I am tired of being alone!
I feel very grateful to be here. Thank you for reading!
KL
I first saw porn when I was somewhere around 10 years old. I was at my neighbors' house, he let me hand out with him in his living room and he was a married father and a good friend of the family. He put on TV and it was porn. I was just amazed. I didn't not actually figure out masturbation until years later.
I was always hyper sexual. When I was as young as 5, I still don't know why, I would dress as a woman. I would get aroused by wearing womens' clothing, something that I stopped doing in my early teens. My compulsion moved to pornographic magazines, late night cable television, women's lingerie catalogs and then pornographic VHS tapes and DVDs. As we all now the internet changed everything and young me stood no chance.
I am here because I have successfully conquered other addictions in life (6 months drug and alcohol free) and naturally felt it was necessary to conquer the beast of POM.
From reading and listening to a lot of podcasts about porn, I have come to terms that porn and addiction to sex has costed me alot in this life --- my longest relationship of 6 years ended, not in small part because my partner was just sick and tired. She watched me go to AA for sex addicts, but she'd had enough. I was not getting better. Since this relationship, I have not had another relationship I can say I was committed to. I simply loved porn too much.
I also believe that porn ruined my first career, the one I went to college for, worked in for 10 years, and then fizzled out.
It also destroyed my young financial life, as I was addicted to getting expensive "happy ending" massages for years!
Quitting alcohol has been the best thing I have done for myself i my adult life and has now enabled me to tackle this much older addiction.
In the last few months, I have attempted a 90 day reboot several times. I have relapsed a dozen times or so. I went 13 days without POM, and then relapsed. I had a long string of one or two days, and even went back to the daily habit for a few days. But there is no denying that this experience changed me. I do not think about porn the same way. I now think of the implications, my eyes are open.
I am currently three days free into what will hopefully be my 90 day reboot. I am optimistic this time because I have been meditating every day so far, and I think this is helping me tremendously with anxiety.
My eventual goal out of a 90 day reboot is to gain agency and control over my sexual life, also my WHOLE life. I am tired of the guilt, the shame, the poor performance with women. I am tired of being alone!
I feel very grateful to be here. Thank you for reading!
KL