Ingibjörg
Member
Hello,
Currently, I am 26 years old. I have been watching porn for a while now. I think I started around the age of 12/13. I discovered masturbation while I was looking at video clips on MTV and started looking at women in bikinis online. Soon, this was not enough and I started looking at porn. So it felt like a normal thing to do. I used to watch porn and masturbate a few times a day. But really early it felt like it was not right. When I was 16 I already felt the need to limit masturbation to once a week. This was because I did not feel any motivation to chase girls, or was very low in my energy. However, I never succeeded.
Porn took a lot from me, it drained my energy, made me feel unmotivated, not able to enjoy everyday things. I was alright with girls, but I never put much effort into it myself. I did sleep with girls every now and then, but I never could really enjoy it, because my brain was desensitized by watching Porn. I used to fap thinking about girls. However, if those same girls I fapped about showed interest in me, I would do nothing with it and rather go home and fap. Which is pretty sad. I had a few experiences where I would not be able to get an erection when I was with a girl. I am sure this is caused by watching Porn. Last 2 years my addiction has gotten worse, and I have done some things I am ashamed about. But I have to confess them in order to move on. I have managed to get some streaks of being clean. but every time I relapsed I felt more addicted than before. Before, I thought it was insane that people would pay money for porn. Unfortunately, I have done the same. I kept searching for a bigger rush because just watching P was not enough. I paid money to girls on onlyfans. I visited escorts. I went on tinder and paid girls to do sexting with me. For me it is sad it has come this far because I would have never expected myself to do this kind of thing.
Since 18 I already learned about the nofap and it made a lot of sense to me since I already had this idea myself as well. But I never managed to succeed in it. I did manage to get better at it, and recently had a few streaks of 30 days. However, every time I relapsed, the addiction would have a bigger grip on me. I kept procrastinating on my decision to be clean forever. First I told myself, after high school, after university etc. But now I have a serious job and I am still doing it, so I cannot keep procrastinating. I have found that journaling in a specific way helped me to change the way I think about watching P. I will describe this in my next post. Also, reading YBOP book and website helped me a lot. Using P blockers on my phone also helped to stop the impulse.
I don't feel ready, I am still talking to girls I met on tinder and they send me nudes. This right now is my biggest obstacle, because it makes me feel good. Even though I know it makes me feel terrible. I know I have to do it. I failed a lot of times at it, but I know I can do it. I know this is not how I want to live my life. I want to be able to enjoy my life. Be free and happy.
Currently, I am 26 years old. I have been watching porn for a while now. I think I started around the age of 12/13. I discovered masturbation while I was looking at video clips on MTV and started looking at women in bikinis online. Soon, this was not enough and I started looking at porn. So it felt like a normal thing to do. I used to watch porn and masturbate a few times a day. But really early it felt like it was not right. When I was 16 I already felt the need to limit masturbation to once a week. This was because I did not feel any motivation to chase girls, or was very low in my energy. However, I never succeeded.
Porn took a lot from me, it drained my energy, made me feel unmotivated, not able to enjoy everyday things. I was alright with girls, but I never put much effort into it myself. I did sleep with girls every now and then, but I never could really enjoy it, because my brain was desensitized by watching Porn. I used to fap thinking about girls. However, if those same girls I fapped about showed interest in me, I would do nothing with it and rather go home and fap. Which is pretty sad. I had a few experiences where I would not be able to get an erection when I was with a girl. I am sure this is caused by watching Porn. Last 2 years my addiction has gotten worse, and I have done some things I am ashamed about. But I have to confess them in order to move on. I have managed to get some streaks of being clean. but every time I relapsed I felt more addicted than before. Before, I thought it was insane that people would pay money for porn. Unfortunately, I have done the same. I kept searching for a bigger rush because just watching P was not enough. I paid money to girls on onlyfans. I visited escorts. I went on tinder and paid girls to do sexting with me. For me it is sad it has come this far because I would have never expected myself to do this kind of thing.
Since 18 I already learned about the nofap and it made a lot of sense to me since I already had this idea myself as well. But I never managed to succeed in it. I did manage to get better at it, and recently had a few streaks of 30 days. However, every time I relapsed, the addiction would have a bigger grip on me. I kept procrastinating on my decision to be clean forever. First I told myself, after high school, after university etc. But now I have a serious job and I am still doing it, so I cannot keep procrastinating. I have found that journaling in a specific way helped me to change the way I think about watching P. I will describe this in my next post. Also, reading YBOP book and website helped me a lot. Using P blockers on my phone also helped to stop the impulse.
I don't feel ready, I am still talking to girls I met on tinder and they send me nudes. This right now is my biggest obstacle, because it makes me feel good. Even though I know it makes me feel terrible. I know I have to do it. I failed a lot of times at it, but I know I can do it. I know this is not how I want to live my life. I want to be able to enjoy my life. Be free and happy.
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