Hi everybody 
, my name is Matt. Since I was around 11/12 (can't remember lol) I have had a strange fetish that I am not proud of having at all. I am not going to share this fetish due to fear of people being judgmental, but maybe further down this thread I will share it. I got into this fetish through YouTube around 2009.... This was before YouTube was squeaky clean and was full of various fetish porn. I would watch these videos with an erection and eventually explored myself and discovered masturbation. For years, through middle and high school, I would pretty much exclusively masturbate to fetish porn. Throughout high school I had maybe 3 or 4 serious girlfriends, and back then I would get hard for them all of the time despite my porn intake. However, I never followed through and had sex with any of them because at the time I was scared to get one of them pregnant, and was questioning the way religion intersected with my sex life (I am an atheist now LOL). Anyways, I go to college my freshman year, my first time being away from home, and I actually managed to stop masturbating completely for a solid couple months. It was made easier by the fact that I had awesome roommates that are actually still my close friends. I think something about the constant social stimulation of living on a college campus made me crave pornography less. When classes began getting stressful again I went on a binge and would jerk off in the bathroom of my dorm 2 to 3 times per day. I pretty much went completely off the deep end and I didn't realize the strong psychological toll that my years of fetish porn intake had on me until my sophomore year of college when I had a sexual encounter with a girl. At this point I am 19 years old, should have NO problem getting an erection, and I find myself in bed with a smoking hot girl at a party unable to get an erection (ONE OF THE WORST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE). I chopped it up to performance anxiety, but deep down I knew what the real problem was.... porn/my fetish. I told some close friends about it and they consoled by saying "It happens man", which I appreciated. My junior year of college (age 20) I ended up sort of losing my virginity (LMAO PAIN). Me and this girl had been talking for a while and I had her over my house to chill and watch a movie. One thing led to another and we ended up fucking, but not good fucking, terrible, terrible fucking... I mean I did not enjoy this shit at all and my dick felt nothing and I never ejaculated. This was not how I imagined losing my virginity being at all. The girl was great! I was the issue here!!! Anyways she never said anything about it and has always continued to be really kind to me. We still talk from time to time now as friends. At this point in my life I was 100% aware of my problem and I still didn't have the will to do anything about it. I continued masturbating to fetish porn for the rest of my college career and had maybe one or two more interactions with girls where I WANTED TO FUCK THEM, but I felt nothing in my dick.
Now, I am 24 years old (2 years out of college), and I have been going through what feels like a very transformative time in my life. Just last year with
Covid I lost a couple family members and friends, and it really made me realize how limited our time on this earth is. I don't want to waste that valuable time masturbating to pornography 2 to 3 times a day. I want to have kids someday, and a family, and a beautiful wife; something I literally could not do right now because of my addiction to fetish porn.
The straw that broke the camels back was a 12 days ago. Me and some friends got together in NYC to celebrate a birthday. I was introduced to a friend of a friend that I immediately had a crush on when I saw her. We talked a lot throughout the night and I really started liking her more, but in the back of my mind I knew even if she was down, I would not be able to provide for her sexual needs. When I got home from NYC the following day I entered a deep, dark depression where I felt like I was at a crossroads....
Option A: Continue living a life of short term pleasure where I masturbate to fetish porn multiple times a day and never have a wife or a family... Or....
Option B: Choose to change everything right at this moment and never look back.
I chose option B 11 days ago and am still going strong. To replace my addiction I have began going to the gym everyday after work, which I can feel myself starting to enjoy. I also have changed my diet over the past 11 days by eating no fast food, which I was eating everyday for lunch before. I have also begun learning a coding language (JavaScript).
Sometimes I worry that I am in over my head making all of these changes at once, but I think it is actually helping me keep my mind off of the urge to jerk off to porn, and the urge to think about my fetish.
Today has been the hardest day so far. I woke up with morning wood, but forced myself to roll out of bed and start getting ready for the day. Throughout the day I thought about my fetish a couple of times, but was able to fight it off by distracting myself at work.
I really hope I can stick with all of these life changes, but most of all, I hope I can stick to not masturbating to fetish porn anymore.
If anyone reading this can relate, please, please let me know!
Long Term Goals:
1.) No masturbation/porn consumption => to be able to get a girl and be able to provide for her sexually in a relationship
2.) Reduced fast food consumption/better diet => to lower cholesterol
3.) Attend the gym everyday if possible (5 times a week is fine) => to feel better about myself mentally, emotionally, and physically
4.) Reduce time spent playing video games => to spend time learning things, talking to people
5.) Reduce time spent on social media => to allow myself more time to think my own thoughts rather than constantly consuming information
6.) Learn JavaScript => to hopefully get a better job a year from now
11 days into reboot.
, my name is Matt. Since I was around 11/12 (can't remember lol) I have had a strange fetish that I am not proud of having at all. I am not going to share this fetish due to fear of people being judgmental, but maybe further down this thread I will share it. I got into this fetish through YouTube around 2009.... This was before YouTube was squeaky clean and was full of various fetish porn. I would watch these videos with an erection and eventually explored myself and discovered masturbation. For years, through middle and high school, I would pretty much exclusively masturbate to fetish porn. Throughout high school I had maybe 3 or 4 serious girlfriends, and back then I would get hard for them all of the time despite my porn intake. However, I never followed through and had sex with any of them because at the time I was scared to get one of them pregnant, and was questioning the way religion intersected with my sex life (I am an atheist now LOL). Anyways, I go to college my freshman year, my first time being away from home, and I actually managed to stop masturbating completely for a solid couple months. It was made easier by the fact that I had awesome roommates that are actually still my close friends. I think something about the constant social stimulation of living on a college campus made me crave pornography less. When classes began getting stressful again I went on a binge and would jerk off in the bathroom of my dorm 2 to 3 times per day. I pretty much went completely off the deep end and I didn't realize the strong psychological toll that my years of fetish porn intake had on me until my sophomore year of college when I had a sexual encounter with a girl. At this point I am 19 years old, should have NO problem getting an erection, and I find myself in bed with a smoking hot girl at a party unable to get an erection (ONE OF THE WORST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE). I chopped it up to performance anxiety, but deep down I knew what the real problem was.... porn/my fetish. I told some close friends about it and they consoled by saying "It happens man", which I appreciated. My junior year of college (age 20) I ended up sort of losing my virginity (LMAO PAIN). Me and this girl had been talking for a while and I had her over my house to chill and watch a movie. One thing led to another and we ended up fucking, but not good fucking, terrible, terrible fucking... I mean I did not enjoy this shit at all and my dick felt nothing and I never ejaculated. This was not how I imagined losing my virginity being at all. The girl was great! I was the issue here!!! Anyways she never said anything about it and has always continued to be really kind to me. We still talk from time to time now as friends. At this point in my life I was 100% aware of my problem and I still didn't have the will to do anything about it. I continued masturbating to fetish porn for the rest of my college career and had maybe one or two more interactions with girls where I WANTED TO FUCK THEM, but I felt nothing in my dick. Now, I am 24 years old (2 years out of college), and I have been going through what feels like a very transformative time in my life. Just last year with
Covid I lost a couple family members and friends, and it really made me realize how limited our time on this earth is. I don't want to waste that valuable time masturbating to pornography 2 to 3 times a day. I want to have kids someday, and a family, and a beautiful wife; something I literally could not do right now because of my addiction to fetish porn.
The straw that broke the camels back was a 12 days ago. Me and some friends got together in NYC to celebrate a birthday. I was introduced to a friend of a friend that I immediately had a crush on when I saw her. We talked a lot throughout the night and I really started liking her more, but in the back of my mind I knew even if she was down, I would not be able to provide for her sexual needs. When I got home from NYC the following day I entered a deep, dark depression where I felt like I was at a crossroads....
Option A: Continue living a life of short term pleasure where I masturbate to fetish porn multiple times a day and never have a wife or a family... Or....
Option B: Choose to change everything right at this moment and never look back.
I chose option B 11 days ago and am still going strong. To replace my addiction I have began going to the gym everyday after work, which I can feel myself starting to enjoy. I also have changed my diet over the past 11 days by eating no fast food, which I was eating everyday for lunch before. I have also begun learning a coding language (JavaScript).
Sometimes I worry that I am in over my head making all of these changes at once, but I think it is actually helping me keep my mind off of the urge to jerk off to porn, and the urge to think about my fetish.
Today has been the hardest day so far. I woke up with morning wood, but forced myself to roll out of bed and start getting ready for the day. Throughout the day I thought about my fetish a couple of times, but was able to fight it off by distracting myself at work.
I really hope I can stick with all of these life changes, but most of all, I hope I can stick to not masturbating to fetish porn anymore.
If anyone reading this can relate, please, please let me know!
Long Term Goals:
1.) No masturbation/porn consumption => to be able to get a girl and be able to provide for her sexually in a relationship
2.) Reduced fast food consumption/better diet => to lower cholesterol
3.) Attend the gym everyday if possible (5 times a week is fine) => to feel better about myself mentally, emotionally, and physically
4.) Reduce time spent playing video games => to spend time learning things, talking to people
5.) Reduce time spent on social media => to allow myself more time to think my own thoughts rather than constantly consuming information
6.) Learn JavaScript => to hopefully get a better job a year from now
11 days into reboot.