Carl Smith - Living Free

Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member
85 days free from porn and fapping to screens.

What saved me was Easy Peasy, YBOP, and Dopamine Nation. And telling the TRUTH to my wife/son, that I was an addict and my addiction was harming them.

edit: My new website https://flying-eagle-method.org/ designed to replace Easy Peasy

Creating this thread for accountability.
 
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Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member
I had a temptation to look at porn last night, for a few minutes. This was strange because this was the first time it has happened in recovery (88 days). Earlier in the day I had great sex with my wife, and I spent the rest of the day feeling tired, like I had to recover my energy. It's not uncommon to get this "craving for another stimulation" after I have sex... it's like when you eat a piece of cake... you want another one.

I thought, ok, sure, what if I did watch it. And I went through what I would gain (nothing, or maybe one more entry to a "spank bank" that is already full), and what I would lose:

- ED
- Irritability
- Unhappiness
- Not feeling right with God
- Low Energy
- Wrong mental attitudes towards sex

I'm just annoyed it even popped up in my head. I wonder if this is what former drug addicts experience.
 
Hooked50s

Hooked50s

Member
Watched your video.
What you said about sleep is so true... I don't sleep well at all. I have steadily ruined my sleep cycle, particularly over the past 2 years, by staying up late till at least 2 am watching porn (usually) and movies (sometimes). I have to be up by 8 am latest to be in time for work, so that means I get no more than 6 hours of sleep daily on weekdays. Sometimes it's 5 hours or even 4. Typically I need 7-8 hours of sleep to be on top of my game. I've been leaning heavily on the seemingly 'relaxing' effect of porn as an aid to falling asleep. So heavily that if I try to sleep early, I spend hours in bed, wide awake, trying to relax enough to fall asleep. So this has become a vicious cycle that I've been struggling to break out of.
 
Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member
This is why I like "stay smart" more than "stay strong".

To avoid a trap, like a hole in the ground with spikes in it that are covered by leaves, you should be smart, not strong.

To avoid the porn trap, which will wreck your physical and mental health, you should be smart and use your frontal lobe to dismantle every argument your limbic brain tells you is an advantage. You think beyond square 1 -- calculate all the ripple effects of every move, like you're playing chess and thinking a few moves ahead. Eventually you can always get to "check mate" -- there is no advantage of porn or fapping to a screen. Your limbic brain is a crappy chess / poker player. Every argument is a bluff. If I'm smart, I see that's in my ADVANTAGE to not do it.

I guess "stay strong" could also work, if you construe it as "stay strong to the REAL GOALS IN YOUR LIFE". Like my family and mental health. But "stay focused" would perhaps convey that better.

Anyway, I think I'm smarter more than I am strong (I am actually pretty lazy and impatient). So, keep being smart. At least for my temptation, that is what worked.
 
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Fappy

Fappy

Respected Member
It’s really great what youre doing mate! Once you get yourself clean you help as many others as you can do the same thing. You’re inspirational
 
Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Day 93

My 11 benefits of quitting
1. Not getting irritated or upset by tiny problems.
2. Feeling happier. My life is in color. Simple things are more pleasurable. Reading books to my kids, talking with my family. Enjoying the outdoors.
3. Feeling right with God. My brain isn't split in two pieces. I'm living one life, instead of two lives.
4. Less stress. Anyone can walk into my room at any time, or look at my computer history
5. Better relaxation at night. I lie in bed, and go to sleep feeling "normal".
6. More productive energy. I put this energy into myself and others. My mind is thinking "what can I do next".
7. My wife is even more beautiful
8. Sex feels more sensual, and my erectile dysfunction is recovered.
9. I can look other women in the eye, smile, and not feel like a creep. Less "objectifying" them.
10. I don't feel "bored" or "anxious" if I'm not doing anything. I can meditate and just think, and not always have my thoughts be about sex.
11. I have freedom, and don't feel like a slave to my body anymore.

Here are my wife's thoughts -- she wrote down 3 things.
1. Being more present with the family
2. Being more intentional with the time with the kids
3. Lighter demeanor, like a weight has been lifted

Yes, a weight has been lifted. I didn't even know it was so heavy.

edit: 2 more reasons
12. Lost 1/2 of waistline in month 4. Less stress, more energy.
13. Dressing better when going out in public. It feels good to look good.
 
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Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Day 100. I started a 48 hour fast last night, in celebration. I will also take my usual Scottish Shower to help reset my dopamine.

It feels so good, I don't think I have ever been in such a good state mentally. I've been fapping to tv/computers/magazines and/or playing video games for as long as I can remember. Both are now gone. Combine that with the daily 18/6 intermittent fasting, and I just feel quietly confident and stable.

Stay free, fellow rebooters. Your health is priceless.
 
Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Day 105. Just venting: I feel annoyed that I still have to deal with some unwanted stuff. 1) trying to watch my son at gymnastics practice which is 90% underclothed females is ridiculous... 2) youtube putting a college gymnast on my home feed for some random reason..... f*k youtube. It used to be you'd have to actually search for this stuff, now it's like playing "relapse roulette" against AI algorithms and randomness.

I've learned that one woman says that noticing is not lusting, but to be honest they're naive -- ignorance is bliss. I will try to control my thoughts when interacting with women (see the whole person), but otherwise, avoidance is far more realistic.
 
E

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Carl_Smith said:
Day 105. Just venting: I feel annoyed that I still have to deal with some unwanted stuff. 1) trying to watch my son at gymnastics practice which is 90% underclothed females is ridiculous... 2) youtube putting a college gymnast on my home feed for some random reason..... f*k youtube. It used to be you'd have to actually search for this stuff, now it's like playing "relapse roulette" against AI algorithms and randomness.

I've learned that one woman says that noticing is not lusting, but to be honest they're naive -- ignorance is bliss. I will try to control my thoughts when interacting with women (see the whole person), but otherwise, avoidance is far more realistic.
Click to expand...
Yes, man, I share your annoyance. Porn is in disguise anywhere and because it's not actually called soft porn or whatever, everybody is like "No, you have a problem, you are a pervert piece of shit because porn is only on Pornhub!" I actually had to become addicted to porn to see the truth: Everything around has become soft porn in some way. It's like that Russian movie "The Student". Sometimes I feel like I want to be that guy, annoying everybody by saying: "This is indecent!" And yes, Youtube has become worse. I mean, all social media platforms actually push soft porn and don't call it like this. A lot of people are actually hooked to looking at pictures, indecent Youtube videos and indecent Tik Tok bullshit GIF type. Majority of people are brainwashed by porn in disguise. I bet Satan is laughing and having fun watching us do all this. But I would like to say this: I might not have the power to dry the ocean but I have the power to get out of the water. It's more difficult but we need to get out of it and save ourselves. Leave the others to "enjoy" it. Honestly, the image of a guy who is in his 20s and he wants to call himself a man, salivating at girls on Tik Tok, is a sad show. I remember that stupid coworker that I used to have who screamed all day: "Whoa, she's so fuckin hot!" while his eyes where like snail's scrolling through pictures. You have a good streak going on, don't get complacent and keep going and save yourself.
 
Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member
I really appreciate that post, Escapeandnevercomeback. God bless you. I will also check out "The Student"!

I bet Satan is laughing and having fun watching us do all this. But I would like to say this: I might not have the power to dry the ocean but I have the power to get out of the water.
Click to expand...

That was very uplifting.

My PMO urge is gone for now (it's a chemical addiction that was obviously harming me), so now I'm noticing some areas in life where I've failed. Like checking out young women -- or not having good eye contact when talking -- and making them feel uncomfortable, or dishonoring my wife. It's a lot to process.

I dream of a day when people don't wear spandex on their butt in public, and lifeguards and gymnasts wear shorts like the guys. But it's probably not going to happen. Also, I don't wear a shirt at the pool, because I'm proud of staying in shape, and some women check out guys abs, so I can be as vain as women are in flaunting one's appearance.

So I'm meditating, fasting, praying, and reading lots of resources on what I need to do about it. One of the most practical pieces of advice I read were these 3 questions:

1. Why are you looking at a woman? There are many legitimate reasons to be looking at a woman: she is your co-worker, classmate, leader, or volunteer. But we men know there are less than honorable answers to this question as well.

2. Why are you looking a second time? What is your intention and what do you hope to accomplish?

3. When you look at a woman, where does your gaze come to rest? Do you look her in the eyes?

Also some verses from Jesus and Job. And trying to remember it's the "Coolidge Effect" or "novelty" that my limbic brain seeks.
 
Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Day 108. “Once exposed, a secret loses all its power.”

This is a great quote. I find it to be very true. 3 guys at church, including a pastor, as well as my oldest son know my addiction and recovery story. While I do feel a bit of fear that if I relapse they will be disappointed, it's much better than having this stay a secret. It feels freeing to tell people.
 
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