Carl Smith - Living Free

Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Day 413

Remembering

Do I still remember some scenes from porn? Honestly, yes – but they are much less stimulating. It’s like an old, burnt cigarette, that generates a small amount of dopamine. What has been seen can’t be unseen, but it will get blurrier over time, and not dwelled upon.
 
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Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Day 420

BEAUTY​

It doesn’t help you appreciate beauty. After years of looking for “new perfect 10s” that are “just your type” online, that thrill will become harder to find, and you’ll spend most of your time searching in frustration for something new. The hottest, most surgically enhanced (fake) women are now just ordinary to you.

Fixating on the naked, sexual parts of women dulls your ability to appreciate the beauty of their smile, or their eyes lighting up when they talk or laugh. After quitting porn, you will be amazed how beautiful real, average women are — even with their clothes on!
 
Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Day 436

The stormy waves in my mind have changed into a smooth, still lake. It’s an amazing feeling of balance and contentment. I believe that smashing my brain with dopamine “junk food” was preventing me from finding this place, but this is where I want to stay.

I actually am in the best mental health in my life...
 
Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Day 464 - Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for?

I'm thankful for the crazy mental energy and focus I've had since I quit porn and video game addiction.

I've spent the last week working on a new hobby website, writing a 2nd ebook, and learning new languages like TypeScript and modern web tech for mobile. This is going to be my new hobby for 2023.

The work has gone so well -- it hasn't been frustrating and I have patience when I get stuck. Honestly, I hope the work doesn't go too fast because then I'll be without a hobby again. It's hard finding enough things to occupy my brain, that don't depress me...

- C Smith
 
H

homerun

Member
So impressed to see Day 464 @Carl_Smith - I am on day 8, so sometimes I feel like i have a mountain to climb, but seeing posts like this makes me realize that I can do it as well, one day after the next, one foot after another.
 
Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Day 503 - Year end wrap up. My 3 biggest dopamine enemies, which threaten my physical and mental health:

✅ Mostly stayed off of carb addiction, did "intermittent fasting" all year. Only eat from 12pm-5:30pm.
✅ Stayed off of porn all year, no fapping to screens. Watched 1 ecchi show, but it wasn't even for the sex content (the humor and voices get me). I just fap to things I remember from years ago if I'm super horny.
✔/- Mostly stayed off of video games. On xmas break, I played a few days straight (single player games) and felt terrible afterwards. Like really depressed, life is pointless, etc. -- yep, that's why they're bad for me and my kids. After I quit for a day, I felt much happier. Imagine that. Not doing more than 2 hours a day for the rest of break.

Since I've quit porn, I've written 2 ebooks, learned how to do voiceover as a hobby, and spent more time reading books to my kids and playing games with them. Hopefully I will find a few more hobbies for the new year, that will keep my mind busy.

edit: 4th bad dopamine thing is "social media", which should really be called "antisocial media". I'm staying off of reddit, it's pointless to argue with trolls. I feel much better when I'm not posting or even reading it. I read substack once in a while.
 
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Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Day 509 -- Starting a 5 day nofap today. I've done this a few times in the last few months so I'm extra horny for my wife and can finish quickly. It's important for me to do this (age 42 / been married 16 years), but it is not easy. I've been jerking off since age 13 (from memory) so it's a real habit.
 
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TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Hi @Carl_Smith good to hear from you and a very happy new year to you!

I attribute my improvements to complete abstinence owing to
1. Complete neurological recovery and stability (no O)
2. No big hits to look forward to (Sex or M)
P is already a non issue since labelling it as poison.

This forces me to deal with reality without any escape or avoidance, which turns out is quite manageable and provides excellent outcomes.

Perhaps it's something you can consider doing too.

Best!
 
Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member
At age 43, I've decided I'm done not only with porn (602 days free, although I've seen a couple of R anime shows), but also jerking off from memory/imagination. Have not jerked off since Friday, instead I'm focusing on my wife. She may not want all this extra energy, but I think jerking off is stopping me from getting in sync with her monthly cycle and also I'm missing some connection with her.

Anyway, that's my simple goal this entire summer. Don't jerk off, save it for the wife. We'll see how it goes, and if she can handle it. Probably sex 2-3 times a week when she's not on her (very long) period.

I want as much oxytocin from sex as possible from her, because I get pretty damn miserable without it. I've been married to her for 17 years and would like it to stay that way.

tl;dr Getting rid of porn has gotten enormous poisons and mental problems out of my life, but I think jerking off is still hurting my marriage connection.

-- C Smith
Author of flying-eagle-method.org
 
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Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Masturbation

For the first 20 months after I stopped watching porn, my simple rule was to never fap to screens, only memory or imagination. It never felt as bad afterward, like porn or screens did.

But one day, I was “completely fed up” with jerking off, even though it had been a constant ritual since I was a teenager, before porn and screens. I wanted to quit because I was missing a strong connection with my wife, due to a stupid habit.

So far (2 weeks in), quitting has been surprisingly easy, and sex with my wife is more vibrant and passionate. She is the only one who touches me, and I get more oxytocin (feel-good, love bonding hormone) from her. I wish I had stopped sooner! It reminds me of a saying about relationships: “The grass is greenest where you water it.”

- C Smith
Author of flying-eagle-method.org
 
Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member
I haven't jerked off for 4 weeks now, very happy about this accomplishment. This hasn't happened since I hit puberty 30 years ago. I don't even want/need sex with my wife that much, 1-2 times a week is fine, and it feels really good when we have it.

Basically, quitting porn helped me a lot, but jerking off was still causing problems from "non-porn" sources and imagination.
 
Carl_Smith

Carl_Smith

Active Member

Fantasy​

“You can’t be ‘in the moment’ if you spent the prior day anticipating that moment.” — C. Smith

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” — Alexander Pope

My brain has two superpowers. The first power is envisioning all the possible futures in which bad things could happen. The second power is envisioning all the possible futures in which I could have sex with people. Do you also have an active imagination like me?

Dopamine is driven by anticipation, and when we spend time and energy anticipating a pleasurable event like sex — or watching a new movie — it tilts the brain’s seesaw of pleasure and pain into the up position. Then when the event happens, it is chemically guaranteed that you won’t enjoy it as much, because the seesaw doesn’t have much room to go higher. In fact, the brain is trying to pull the seesaw down to rebalance it.

My journey of almost two years has been this: 1) Stop watching porn, 2) Stop jerking off unless my body is uncomfortable, 3) Stop anticipating or fantasizing about sex with my wife the day(s) before it happens, or imagining other women. Now, I can actually enjoy sex and everything else in my life so much more, because my brain’s seesaw starts off level.

Try this for a few days: don’t expect, anticipate, or fantasize about anything good happening, especially sex. Try to keep your brain’s seesaw at a level position, so it’s ready to receive joy and blessings if and when they happen that day. And if they don’t happen, your seesaw doesn’t crash downward as hard – it’s a win/win.

For me, learning WHY I should stop imagining sex has been life changing. It lets me truly be “in the moment” and appreciate real life.

-- C Smith, Author of flying-eagle-method.org
 
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