Killing my Dirtiest Secret
- Thread starter Filmguy30
- Start date
Relapsed last night and followed that up with a fap a few minutes ago. Pretty disappointed in myself considering where I was mentally at this point last week. I’ve been binging pretty hard on cigs recently and that could definitely be a reason for the skid. Staying out of the house for rest of the night and I’ll see my girl tomorrow. I really just have to re-read EasyPeasy and get myself in the right headspace again.
Fapped the past couple of days because of just succumbing to any random feeling of withdrawal. I’ve just been feeling a little down on myself recently and not really giving myself enough love (I know how cheesy that is lol). I’m done with PMO because I just feel disgusting afterwards and always crave cigs and food afterwards. Just worked out and showered and felt really happy so going back to that will orient me in the right direction. A fun night with friends and then my GF will also do me well.
Back on track lads. How is everyone doing? Would love to start helping anybody out and chatting whenever needed, just respond below or PM me.
Back on track lads. How is everyone doing? Would love to start helping anybody out and chatting whenever needed, just respond below or PM me.
oceanman09
New Member
Hey man, i hope you're okay. don't give up. I don't know your triggers exactly, but something that helped me a lot when the relapse period is coming is trying to avoid social media. Another thing that helps me is when I get the feelings of withdrawal, I take three long deep breaths focused. It makes the thoughts of craving more easy to handle.
forestwater
Member
Good luck getting back on track! It's great that you're putting in the effort to be free.
Thanks brother! I appreciate it. I hope you’re doing well too!
Thanks for the recommendations dude. I’ll try the deep breaths out. Social media is actually a big trigger and led to my big relapse last week. I’ve tried to cut it as much as possible through app limits so hopefully that should do the trick.
Day 3 - been clean the past three days! Haven’t really thought about PMO much to be honest because I’ve just been with my girl the whole time. Had a really soft Willy when having sex a couple days ago after a big 5-Fap binge the night prior. I was sick at the time so I played it off but I knew deep down that it was PIED. Since then, I’ve been off of it. Planning on re-reading EasyPeasy and taking notes over the next few days. I would love to have a good streak going into the holidays back with my family!
Back to the drawing board lads. Had a big binge last night - told my gf not to come over because I was so ashamed and knew I wouldn’t be able to have sex with her.
To be entirely honest, I haven’t been taking this seriously enough. I just haven’t. I had Reboot Nation in my Incognito browser. I haven’t been reading EasyPeasy. I haven’t stayed on my habits like going to the gym or helping others on here or reaching out to friends/family to see how they’re doing. I’ve been isolating myself, fighting in isolation.
I made a vow early on in this thread that I wouldn’t be like the other Rebooters on here that say “THIS IS MY LAST TIME” and then relapse the next day. I laughed at them…. But then I became them after 16 days. I keep flip-flopping on my values and that’s just not the man I am. I’ve spent four years “fighting” this thing, but really I’ve just been fighting my own impulsivity and self-destructive side. I’m done with it. I mean it.
Action Plan:
- Read Easy-Peasy again, but this time take notes. Every time I’m in the bathroom, keep taking these notes. Make it laborious.
- Get back in the gym! I went today and felt great. I know I exerted all of myself today so I won’t need to PMO.
- When I’m alone, reach out to friends and family to see how they’re doing.
- Be active on RebootNation. Help out others. Inspire them with success and listen to their stories. Don’t judge because I am them right now.
- Digest more PMO information. Arm myself with all the resources in the world. Educate myself without shame attached to it.
- Tell my GF that I’ve been watching again. Tell her that I’m getting back on the horse.
I love that I have this resource and that I have all of you in my corner. Im in yours too. We can do this shit. Someday, we’ll look back on this time in our lives and be eternally grateful that we had a support system of others helping us out. Please message me and we can talk about the journey!
To be entirely honest, I haven’t been taking this seriously enough. I just haven’t. I had Reboot Nation in my Incognito browser. I haven’t been reading EasyPeasy. I haven’t stayed on my habits like going to the gym or helping others on here or reaching out to friends/family to see how they’re doing. I’ve been isolating myself, fighting in isolation.
I made a vow early on in this thread that I wouldn’t be like the other Rebooters on here that say “THIS IS MY LAST TIME” and then relapse the next day. I laughed at them…. But then I became them after 16 days. I keep flip-flopping on my values and that’s just not the man I am. I’ve spent four years “fighting” this thing, but really I’ve just been fighting my own impulsivity and self-destructive side. I’m done with it. I mean it.
Action Plan:
- Read Easy-Peasy again, but this time take notes. Every time I’m in the bathroom, keep taking these notes. Make it laborious.
- Get back in the gym! I went today and felt great. I know I exerted all of myself today so I won’t need to PMO.
- When I’m alone, reach out to friends and family to see how they’re doing.
- Be active on RebootNation. Help out others. Inspire them with success and listen to their stories. Don’t judge because I am them right now.
- Digest more PMO information. Arm myself with all the resources in the world. Educate myself without shame attached to it.
- Tell my GF that I’ve been watching again. Tell her that I’m getting back on the horse.
I love that I have this resource and that I have all of you in my corner. Im in yours too. We can do this shit. Someday, we’ll look back on this time in our lives and be eternally grateful that we had a support system of others helping us out. Please message me and we can talk about the journey!
Jlied
Active Member
Thanks for your post. I dealt with porn from my early 20’s until now (I’m 41), and by now I mean I’ve been working on bettering myself and kicking the habit for the last 2 years (long story which I’m happy to share if interested in a privat message). The last two years were off and on to start but this last year I’ve really gained a lot of success. I know it may sound weird but the first year and a half I really read a lot about porn addiction and was involved in a few groups on Facebook, however, I noticed the more I consumed in reading or podcasts or videos the more I felt like I was thinking about porn and it actually made it harder to stop thinking about. In the last 6 months I’ve distanced myself from the groups (I still talk to some friends I made as accountability partners), however by not surrounding myself with it everyday has actually made it easier for me to stop thinking about it and made it easier for me to just forget about it most days. I may have an occasional memory but by and large I don’t have an urge to edge or visit chat rooms and act out.
That being said, I still educate myself but in small doses so I don’t forget where I came from, but toning it down seems to have had a big affect on my recovery.
That being said, I still educate myself but in small doses so I don’t forget where I came from, but toning it down seems to have had a big affect on my recovery.
Day-3 it's was a little difficult cos I stayed home all day but I got through by chatting with my girlfriend.
I'm on to day 4
I'm on to day 4
I’m so happy to hear that you’ve been clean for so long brother. As I get older, it feels more and more ridiculous that I haven’t fully kicked the addiction, but it always helps knowing that people like you are out there and are doing great. Happy to see you on these forums helping other people as well.
Chatting with my girlfriend and being with her always helps me stay clean. Obviously not putting the pressure of recovery on her, but just by being with her makes me think cleaner as well. Glad to hear you’re still doing great dude.
Jlied
Active Member
Well, to be fair, the first 17 years of my addiction I did t even really know of it to be an addiction. It was something I massively enjoyed, even when it caused me to act out in ways that go against my sexual identity. And admittedly even when I learned I’d the addiction it took me getting caught by my wife and our marriage being on very uncertain footing that I decided I needed to stop. I didn’t want to lose my family over it. So at first I stopped begrudgingly, but as time went on I realized how much better it felt not having to hide my addiction. Not being afraid of her to use my phone is so much less stressful. It’s a process that needs momentum, small victories gain momentum and turn into streaks. Streaks have occasional set backs, but you are never starting over from square 1 after a set back. You pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and press forward. Give yourself grace, pay attention to what triggered you and try to set new boundaries. Perseverance is key and required, but the longer you’re away the weaker the draw gets. Keep fighting on!
Day 2 - Smooth sailing today gents. Had some small moments on social media where I thought about clicking through on some pictures and videos but nothing too major. I've done absolutely nothing today though, no working out, no real work, nothing other than walking around and eating lol. My body has been craving some pleasure and consumption, but I've been depriving it a bit. I think I'm going to head to the gym now just to get out of the house lol.
D
Deleted member 22651
Guest
Hey bro, great to see you back on track, from my early experiences the first few months are the hardest as you're trying to rewire your brain to change a habit that you've been used to for so long but hang in there. If you relapse make the next reboot last longer than the previous and learn from what went wrong. Makes me happy to see that you're self aware about how you've been going about it and made some changes to the plan.
One thing I've learned about having important goals that you need to reach is to always reflect and adjust the process, the goal will always be the same. It wont always be easy and you will have days when you're feeling low and tempted to relapse, those will be the real make or break moments. When they happen, go out for a walk, even if its 5 - 10 minutes, do a few push ups, some home exercises or something new that you've always wanted to try. Whatever it is, start small and build up the habit slowly.
I believe in you my dude and as you said in one of your previous posts "One day we'll kick the habit, look back at how far we've come and be grateful for all the progress we've made and where we are"... or something like that.
One thing I've learned about having important goals that you need to reach is to always reflect and adjust the process, the goal will always be the same. It wont always be easy and you will have days when you're feeling low and tempted to relapse, those will be the real make or break moments. When they happen, go out for a walk, even if its 5 - 10 minutes, do a few push ups, some home exercises or something new that you've always wanted to try. Whatever it is, start small and build up the habit slowly.
I believe in you my dude and as you said in one of your previous posts "One day we'll kick the habit, look back at how far we've come and be grateful for all the progress we've made and where we are"... or something like that.
Thanks so much for taking the time to write out a post to me man! It means a lot! Really appreciate the kind words and helpful reminders. It’s always a process to put myself back in the headspace of someone recovering and it always helps having kind and helpful people in my corner!
D
Deleted member 22651
Guest
No dramas homie, I know the feels and struggles of a relapse. We'll all get through it together.
Feel free to flick me a message if you ever need a chat.
I got you bro
Day 3 was easy money yesterday! I had sex with my gf twice to great success but honestly am ready for a bit of a break from the sex over the holidays. It feels bad to say because I know how lucky I am to rewire with her, but I just want to stay abstinent for a bit to make the sex feel less routine and more intimate again.
Day 4 - not too shabby! Definitely had cravings for nicotine but am feeling solid on PMO. Listened to Fight the New Drug’s podcast “Consider Before Consuming” and in one of their episodes they talked about how the line between sex trafficking and porn is actually not really a line at all in most cases. I’ve always thought about human trafficking like the movie Taken but really it can also just be coercion and fraud which was one of my favorite porn categories. I always knew that kink was gross and problematic but something about hearing it in the context of trafficking really hurt my heart today. Makes the pursuit even more necessary, getting away from porn.