PE after reboot

[BigDog43]

I'm 44 with one failed marriage under my belt that now I can see my addiction played a big part in. Been with my second wife 8 years and the past few have not been great.

After 25 years of use, I finally realized how bad this habit was for me and I've quit porn for more than 6 months now (except for one slip up). I've done various stints of no PMO at all during that time, the longest about 5 weeks. I had one porn relapse about half way through these 6 months.

I'm feeling much better about myself but I'm sort of going through this on my own. I have not told my wife about all this, but I'm running into some issues with real sex with her, mainly PE. My problem before this reboot was that most times couldn't get it up and needed blue pills, but now I can get it up but I can't control it. So I'm not even talking about being a two pump chump, I've had scenarios where I went while I was going down on her and another time when I still had pants on during foreplay. There's been several other times where I could make it to insertion, but not long after.

Other than the poor sexual performance, this whole effort as been really good for almost every other aspect of my marriage (and my life). Two questions:

-How do I get past this PE? I keep going back and forth, between trying to figure out if masturbating would help or hurt this problem. I have no problem going no PMO at all between sex sessions but I can't seem to get any control. I just get so excited that real sex is occurring, it's almost like I'm a teenager again trying to figure out how to have sex.

-Do I tell my wife? She thinks we're going through some sort of sexual "phase" and has no idea about my addiction.

 

[Chrisaaa7]

Hey man, congrats on the 6 months, I would tell your wife because then you can tackle this together rather than alone. Overtime your PE will improve the more you have sex. I would say don mo unless you have to because that can hinder your progress. Tell your wife about your recovery and overtime I think the PE will get better the more you have sex and get back into action, you just haven't been used to orgasming for a while and now you're too sensitive. Just don't masturbate thinking it will help .

 

[SkazkiDreamin82]

Hey. I’m new to no fap and this PE problem has been on my mind, too. Have you tried kegel exercises? I’ve been told they help you last longer.

 

[BigDog43]

Hey man, congrats on the 6 months, I would tell your wife because then you can tackle this together rather than alone. Overtime your PE will improve the more you have sex. I would say don mo unless you have to because that can hinder your progress. Tell your wife about your recovery and overtime I think the PE will get better the more you have sex and get back into action, you just haven't been used to orgasming for a while and now you're too sensitive. Just don't masturbate thinking it will help .

I'm very concerned about telling my wife for all the obvious reasons. In the long term, it feels like the right play but in the short term i feel like she's gonna be grossed out/disappointed and it will make things worse. I go back and forth, if she knew about the reason for the sexual slump we're in, does that make it better or worse?

 

[BigDog43]

Hey. I’m new to no fap and this PE problem has been on my mind, too. Have you tried kegel exercises? I’ve been told they help you last longer.

I have tried kegals, but not as consistently as I probably should. They were pretty hard for me at first so I think my pelvic floor muscles were really weak so that could make sense. I've watched so many youtube videos on this topic and trying lots of things, but I really need to put my own plan to paper and follow it strictly. There are other pelvic floor exercises I try to incorporate, but like i said just haven't been consistent with it.

NoFap
Gym
Pelvic floor exercises
Limit alcohol (great plan right before holidays)
Low Carb nutrition plan

 

[Chrisaaa7]

I'm very concerned about telling my wife for all the obvious reasons. In the long term, it feels like the right play but in the short term i feel like she's gonna be grossed out/disappointed and it will make things worse. I go back and forth, if she knew about the reason for the sexual slump we're in, does that make it better or worse?

Makes it better 100%, you need to stop being embarrassed and man up and tell her. First she will know what the actual problem is and not question anything between you guys and also it will take loaddssssssssssss of pressure off you, it will be a team effort instead of you doing it alone. It may seem difficult but trust me, after you tell her , even if she takes it bad at first , it’ll be the right decision

 

[BigDog43]

Makes it better 100%, you need to stop being embarrassed and man up and tell her. First she will know what the actual problem is and not question anything between you guys and also it will take loaddssssssssssss of pressure off you, it will be a team effort instead of you doing it alone. It may seem difficult but trust me, after you tell her , even if she takes it bad at first , it’ll be the right decision

I needed to hear this, thanks.

 

[Chrisaaa7]

I needed to hear this, thanks.

Of course man, yes it might be embarrassing to mention but ITS YOUR WIFE. SHE WILL UNDERSTAND and it will only get better from there

 

[Next Chapter]

I would recommend telling your wife about the situation regardless of the outcome. I’m sure she is aware there is something going on and it will provide clarity that she is not the reason for the sexual challenges. I told my wife about my addiction to porn and the effects it has on my D. I lied about my addiction for years but once it started to effect our sex life I couldn’t deny it anymore. Its common to feel a sense of embarrassment or guilt but hopefully with time this will no longer be an issue.

 

[BigDog43]

I would recommend telling your wife about the situation regardless of the outcome. I’m sure she is aware there is something going on and it will provide clarity that she is not the reason for the sexual challenges. I told my wife about my addiction to porn and the effects it has on my D. I lied about my addiction for years but once it started to effect our sex life I couldn’t deny it anymore. Its common to feel a sense of embarrassment or guilt but hopefully with time this will no longer be an issue.

How did you do it and how did it go? I almost did one time after experiencing PE with her, but just couldn't get the words to come out. Having a hard time finding a way to tell her something I never thought I'd ever have to tell anyone.

 

[Next Chapter]

The hardest thing to do was to admit to myself that I was addicted to porn. Reading others experiences as well as documenting my own made it easier to communicate to my wife. I waited till I was porn free for awhile before telling her about it. After I felt I had a good grasp with my addiction than it made it easier to let her know that I was addicted to porn and been clean for almost 6 months. You don’t have to wait this long even 30 days is good. The main point is to show that your doing something about it by quitting porn, joining an online support group, etc. I let her know the issues with my D not being able to perform is a result of my porn addiction (PIED) and not my attraction towards her. We plan on weekly intimate exercises to improve our bond to get back to a normal sex life. The frequency for our intimate exercises has been a work in progress but its a step in the right direction. Overall she has been very supportive and wish that I would of told her about it awhile ago.

 

[Stiffy999]

I'm 44 with one failed marriage under my belt that now I can see my addiction played a big part in. Been with my second wife 8 years and the past few have not been great.

After 25 years of use, I finally realized how bad this habit was for me and I've quit porn for more than 6 months now (except for one slip up). I've done various stints of no PMO at all during that time, the longest about 5 weeks. I had one porn relapse about half way through these 6 months.

I'm feeling much better about myself but I'm sort of going through this on my own. I have not told my wife about all this, but I'm running into some issues with real sex with her, mainly PE. My problem before this reboot was that most times couldn't get it up and needed blue pills, but now I can get it up but I can't control it. So I'm not even talking about being a two pump chump, I've had scenarios where I went while I was going down on her and another time when I still had pants on during foreplay. There's been several other times where I could make it to insertion, but not long after.

Other than the poor sexual performance, this whole effort as been really good for almost every other aspect of my marriage (and my life). Two questions:

-How do I get past this PE? I keep going back and forth, between trying to figure out if masturbating would help or hurt this problem. I have no problem going no PMO at all between sex sessions but I can't seem to get any control. I just get so excited that real sex is occurring, it's almost like I'm a teenager again trying to figure out how to have sex.

-Do I tell my wife? She thinks we're going through some sort of sexual "phase" and has no idea about my addiction.

Try less stimulating positions,wear a condom and try not to get too much excited,think about some emotional stuff, that kind of stuff turns you on but not so much that it pushes you to climax.If PE is there for the first round well then you can always go for second and third round much stronger and more durable than the first one