Finally going to beat this filth.

kmfdm7218

Member
Just signed up the other day after reading some great posts and stories. I've been fighting this addiction for the past 10 years, slowly getting better each year, but the fetishes would get slightly more extreme and i could never seem to kick it. I can last about 7 days or so with out watching anything, but then i would start edging which lead to me having to start all over again.

I am quite certain it was the key factor in losing my former partner. The time has come to say no more, I have had enough. I have set up blockers which are working very well, my mind is starting to finally understand this is not an easy dopamine release option anymore. My mental focus is resolute this time. A great quote which has helped me along the way (not sure where i read it) "cravings is addiction leaving the body"

What has helped you along the way to forget this filth?
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Just signed up the other day after reading some great posts and stories. I've been fighting this addiction for the past 10 years, slowly getting better each year, but the fetishes would get slightly more extreme and i could never seem to kick it. I can last about 7 days or so with out watching anything, but then i would start edging which lead to me having to start all over again.

I am quite certain it was the key factor in losing my former partner. The time has come to say no more, I have had enough. I have set up blockers which are working very well, my mind is starting to finally understand this is not an easy dopamine release option anymore. My mental focus is resolute this time. A great quote which has helped me along the way (not sure where i read it) "cravings is addiction leaving the body"

What has helped you along the way to forget this filth?
Welcome. You've probably heard this before but admitting we have a porn addiction and looking for help are the first steps in winning this.

Our stories present similarities: Trying for the past 10 years, struggling around 7 days. I know how this goes. The problem is simple at the core, but our mind likes to make it more complicated. We are not addicted to porn per se, we have a dopamine addiction, porn is only the way we release this dopamine. If porn didn't release dopamine, we wouldn't watch it. We need to understand this: Our problem is the dopamine released by porn. Then the solution becomes clear: We must avoid giving ourselves a dopamine hit by porn. But porn is not only actually porn videos. Porn is both visual and in the brain (in our memory). Porn is actually anything that gives us a dopamine hit: Hardcore, softcore, scenes from movies and tv shows, social media pictures, social media videos, imagining porn, thinking about porn, replaying porn flashbacks in our memory, playing fantasies in our head created using porn etc. You get the idea. We need to avoid all this. If when it comes to watching something it's straight forward: we avoid watching/looking at anything, when it comes to porn stored in our head it's trickier. Porn will pop up in our head to remind us that it's time to go watch. But we must not pay attention to it, we must not engage with this porn that comes in our mind. Dismissing it, ignoring it, focusing on something else, as soon as possible, in the first second even, is the key. Porn addiction can be starved to death by not feeding it dopamine, but it can't be starved to death if we feed it even a little. Of course relapses happen, but we must make an effort to stop relapsing. After years of relapses, it's enough. This could easily turn into a "relapse/restart" treadmill for life. We could relapse ourselves into an oblivion. So now it's the time. Stop to relapsing. Avoid porn at all cost and it will get better. It will probably be hard or very hard for a while mentally-wise, with the urges, craving and other psychological manifestastions but rebooting is real, it works and those things fade away, it's known, others who have quit porn are the proof that everything gets better, we just need to be patient. We should not think too much about the past failures, about how long it's been since we've been fighting this or how long the next period of withdrawal will be, all we have is the present. The mind can't tolerate many days of discomfort but it can tolerate "the now". Break everything to the minimum, to second by second. We'll do this.
 
Those moments where the urge is so extreme and its physically making your body uncomfortable...…stay in that moment. Take a second, breath, and remember why your stopping. I'm learning to feel comfortable in those uncomfortable moments and not quickly cave in. Its hard but its worth it.

Identify your values, visualize your goals and execute positive action towards your values.

Stop the cycle! You got this!
 

Fappy

Respected Member
Welcome! And well done for finally deciding to put an end to this rotten poison. You’re very fortunate to have found this way out, so be grateful for that!
There were a lot of things that helped me with it, most of which you will learn over time. Here’s just a few that i always recommend:
1. It’s not a race. Don’t be too concerned with getting as quickly as possible to a certain benchmark, say one month or three. Months etc. just take it in very small manageable steps. For example, vow not to look at porn for 2 days, then increase that two four days, then a week. Then ten days, then 2 weeks. Breaking it down into smaller goals really helps and gives you motivation as the goal is within eyesight.
2. Recognize the triggers. You will relapse, thats part of the process. But the important thing to do is to make it a learning experience and recognize what the trigger was that caused the relapse. In doing so you can avoid the same pitfall in the future and devise ways in which to eliminate the trigger before to can take hold.
3. Understand that there is absolutely nothing good about porn and nothing, no benefits or positives, can possibly come from watching it and jerking yourself off to it. It fucks up peoples brains and their lives and needs to be stamped out of yours. It’s just pixels on a screen, what in the fuck is arousing or sexy about that? Nothing.

Anyway, as long as youre determined to beat this shit you’ll be fine and you’ll get your old life back!
 

kmfdm7218

Member
This could easily turn into a "relapse/restart" treadmill for life.
This is a great analogy and has given me a new perspective to think about. I don't want that to be the norm in 5 years time.

3. Understand that there is absolutely nothing good about porn and nothing, no benefits or positives, can possibly come from watching it and jerking yourself off to it. It fucks up peoples brains and their lives and needs to be stamped out of yours. It’s just pixels on a screen, what in the fuck is arousing or sexy about that? Nothing.
It really is just an unending unlimited amount pixels on a screen. You're chasing a dragon that you will never catch.
 
I'm happy to read your dedication to recovering from porn addiction. It really is a brutal addiction and it's great that so many people are waking up to the harms of it and joining in communities like this. I was addicted to porn for about 20 years and have been porn free since early 2019. For me, recovery is all about the quote in my signature by Gabor Maté. Recovery has meant understanding WHY I used porn and learning what pain and unmet needs lay beneath my addiction.

My partner was a huge support and she was able to help me see I had an addiction, hold me to account and unearth the wounded parts of myself that led me into my porn addiction. One technique I find helpful is to use journaling and meditation to explore the wounds beneath the porn addiction. You can even enter into a dialogue with the wounded parts of yourself by writing in a journal as if you are speaking to that part and letting it write through you onto the page. Combining this with meditation techniques can help to feel and release the pain from the past and is fuelling the current urges to watch porn.

Good luck on your journey. Recovery is definitely possible. You can recover from porn addiction.
 
Just signed up the other day after reading some great posts and stories. I've been fighting this addiction for the past 10 years, slowly getting better each year, but the fetishes would get slightly more extreme and i could never seem to kick it. I can last about 7 days or so with out watching anything, but then i would start edging which lead to me having to start all over again.

I am quite certain it was the key factor in losing my former partner. The time has come to say no more, I have had enough. I have set up blockers which are working very well, my mind is starting to finally understand this is not an easy dopamine release option anymore. My mental focus is resolute this time. A great quote which has helped me along the way (not sure where i read it) "cravings is addiction leaving the body"

What has helped you along the way to forget this filth?
Hello and welcome, I just would like to say that you should also look into setting up a healthy life for yourself. Many of us signed up here because the idea of giving up recovery gave us an emotional boost. It lasts for a while but eventually, we relapse because the only way we know to handle negative emotions is addiction. Getting off of this will be like climbing mount Everest, my friend. You have been at it for 10 years so the pattern is ingrained. You have to assess your motivation. Are you doing this because you want to or have to? and why? What kind of life do you want to live? What do you value? what are your plans for getting to that life? Do you have a drawn-out plan for when you get an urge? Without a healthy foundation, it's not possible to permanently end addiction. You may go a very long time but you'll always be looking over your shoulder trying to avoid acting on your urges. There is a site called recoverynation.com that I suggest you take a look at along with this forum or a 12 steps group.
 
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