My try to save me from this.

fumikage

Member
Hello everyone,

I am a 20 Years old guy and have been watching porn since I was about 13 years old. This is my story.

In my Highschool years I had a girlfriend for quite some time, at this time I also watched porn. We had sex about every weekend but I never had an orgasm. I just thought it wasn't that big of a deal, maybe we needed more practice or what so ever. After about one year I decided to break up with her and my porn consume increased. I never thought it could be this big of a problem. Over the years I had some other partners for short periods of time and I always had the same problem. I got kinda hard but didn't get to the point of an orgasm or even a really full erection while trying to have sex. I always pushed that away from me because I was so ashamed especially in front of my friends. I always thought I was the only one. Over the years I avoided having sex with women because I was so ashamed. But over 6 months ago I fell in love. She is a girl I know since I was about 4 years old. We were friends ever since then but lately we just got into some kind of relationship and everything is just like in a movie for me except for our sex life. I can't get hard enough for really good sex or hold the erection long enough. I tried quitting porn a few times but didn't manage to keep it away from me. I cried for nights lately because I really want this to work. She is the girl of my dreams. I discovered this website today and was so happy to see that I am not the only one. I didn't watch porn for 3 Days now and all the post and positive comments gave me hope that I will never watch porn again. I want a good life. I want a fulfilled life. I will keep you updated how all this will continue.

(sorry if my English is not the best, its my second language)
 
Good for you on finding the site man. In all honestly, I would just be honest with the woman and tell her that you are currently in the process of trying to quit porn. If she doesn't like it then so be it. There will be many other women out there after you recover. In the long run, if she doesn't know it would turn out to be bad anyway. Sorry to say it like that but that's just the truth. In this recovery, your most important priority will have to be you for some time man. As you have already said you have tried to stop and keep getting back on it again. This is called a recovery/relapse pattern. The way to get permanent change is to create a healthy life for yourself. You won't be able to create that life for yourself if you are motivated by external things. This is a personal journey. Why do you want to change your life? What is your vision for a better life? How honest are you willing to be with yourself. I wish it was as easy as joining a forum or reading a book and magically recovering but it's not. You have to put in the work. It is good that you are starting the journey though. It takes courage to say to yourself that you want to change a part of yourself that you don't like. I suggest you use a website called recoverynation.com and also a recovery program like the 12 step groups.
 

fumikage

Member
Good for you on finding the site man. In all honestly, I would just be honest with the woman and tell her that you are currently in the process of trying to quit porn. If she doesn't like it then so be it. There will be many other women out there after you recover. In the long run, if she doesn't know it would turn out to be bad anyway. Sorry to say it like that but that's just the truth. In this recovery, your most important priority will have to be you for some time man. As you have already said you have tried to stop and keep getting back on it again. This is called a recovery/relapse pattern. The way to get permanent change is to create a healthy life for yourself. You won't be able to create that life for yourself if you are motivated by external things. This is a personal journey. Why do you want to change your life? What is your vision for a better life? How honest are you willing to be with yourself. I wish it was as easy as joining a forum or reading a book and magically recovering but it's not. You have to put in the work. It is good that you are starting the journey though. It takes courage to say to yourself that you want to change a part of yourself that you don't like. I suggest you use a website called recoverynation.com and also a recovery program like the 12 step groups.
That was really what i am struggling with right now, its such a big step for me to tell her.. but still you are completely right and i will tell her the next time i see her and be completely honest.
 

fumikage

Member
My really big question is, should i still get sexual with her? I read that it can be beneficial, what are your opinions about this?
 

fumikage

Member
Short update. I am currently having problems to fall asleep, i think it may be because auf the lack of p i consume but mostly i‘m just stuck with the thought of how to tell my partner everything. I am sweating while thinking of this situation and how ashamed i am going to be. I‘m still sure that i will tell her but i am thinking about telling her that a doctor diagnosed this even though thats not true, of course its lying and lying is obviously not good but i think it gives the whole problem a more serious touch and maybe it will make it easier to understand and less absurd.
 
That was really what i am struggling with right now, its such a big step for me to tell her.. but still you are completely right and i will tell her the next time i see her and be completely honest.
It’s a difficult thing to do man I understand. Life isn’t always easy though. You are on the road to becoming a new man, an honest man that can live a genuine life. You’re voluntarily choosing to end a part of you that you don’t like in order to grow. Remember and think about that along the journey.
 

fumikage

Member
It’s a difficult thing to do man I understand. Life isn’t always easy though. You are on the road to becoming a new man, an honest man that can live a genuine life. You’re voluntarily choosing to end a part of you that you don’t like in order to grow. Remember and think about that along the journey.
Thank you for your support, your really help me
 

fumikage

Member
Day 4

It was quite a nice day. Until now i dont seem to have any side effects. I realized that for me the perfect substitute for porn is sport. That’s literally the best you can do. I started a 12 Week dumbbel workout plan i found like a week before i stopped watching porn. It really helps me, i think its a good outlet for that loaded energy and it keeps yourself focused and gives you a better feeling overall. I also think it might help my sleeping problems. I am still a bit nervous to see my gf this weekend but rationally thinking she will understand. The whole experience of writing this down helps me much more than i thought. The only fear i have is that in the end it wont work.. but i am trying to focus on the good things. Thanks everyone for reading.
 
That was really what i am struggling with right now, its such a big step for me to tell her.. but still you are completely right and i will tell her the next time i see her and be completely honest.
It’s a difficult thing to do man I understand. Life isn’t always easy though. You are on the road to becoming a new man, an honest man that can live a genuine life. You’re voluntarily choosing to end a part of you that you don’t like in order to grow. Remember and think about that along the journey
Short update. I am currently having problems to fall asleep, i think it may be because auf the lack of p i consume but mostly i‘m just stuck with the thought of how to tell my partner everything. I am sweating while thinking of this situation and how ashamed i am going to be. I‘m still sure that i will tell her but i am thinking about telling her that a doctor diagnosed this even though thats not true, of course its lying and lying is obviously not good but i think it gives the whole problem a more serious touch and maybe it will make it easier to understand and less

Thank you for your support, your really help me
No problem man
 

Filmguy30

Member
Hey man! Big recommendation is reading the EasyPeasy porn addiction book that I linked in my thread. I also had a situation like yours where I never came with women and then met the girl of my dreams and still couldn’t finish. I accepted it as a fact of my life but then, after telling her how to do it my way, I finally finished with her. It was the most surreal feeling of all time. Then I told her about my P addiction, she accepted it, but then every time I relapsed, I’d tell her. It crushed her. We were young so it was harder on her, but still it was a huge weight on our relationship. I’d recommend just taking the leap and quitting forever without telling her first. Try to take the stress and pressure off your shoulders to be the perfect person. Just read the book and try to understand yourself better and you can beat this thing man!
 

fumikage

Member
Day 5

So day 5 passed by pretty fast, I did a lot of things. I worked out again. I'm still nervous cause tomorrow is the day I am going to tell her but I think I won't go to deep into it. I will tell her that our sex life was bad because I watched too much porn recently and that my brain needs to recover from this etc., something like that. I think its a very good compromise between telling her everything in detail or telling her nothing at all so. I mean basically it is the truth so I don't really mind to go much deeper in to everything, also because I don't want to embarrass myself to much. Until now it wasn't hard to quit watching p, I think its because I realized early enough that I had to quit watching and also because for example I never binged or something like that. I got this goal in front of me and that's what's keeping me strong. I am pretty sure the urge will come but I am also pretty sure that I can resist. So, thanks for reading and have a good evening/night/day or morning.
 

fumikage

Member
Day 7

I forgot to write something yesterday because i had some friends over. It was really fun. I thought i could tell my partner everything yesterday but we both didnt have the time to meet so its gonna be either today or more likely tomorrow. My only current problem is that i dont have a libido at all like there is literally nothing going on. I think this maybe is the flatline. I am not sad or something there is just no lust or anything like that. I still have problems to fall asleep. Overall i‘m feeling kinda numb. I am meeting with my friends again today so i hope that will change my mood a bit. And as always, thanks for reading.
 

fumikage

Member
Day 8

I told her last night. And everything is fine. She understood everything and now we can work on this together. So if anyone is in a similar situation, just talk about it, it really helps. Good Night everyone.
 

fumikage

Member
Day 10

I am feeling quite well. Didn't have the time for the journal yesterday. My libido is still very low though. Hope it returns soon.
 

fumikage

Member
Day 12

I M/O‘d yesterday but not with a deathgrip or anything, which is quite nice. I wanted to know how things are going in my mind, so i dont regret it. Didnt watch p so the streak is still going. I hope you have a great day.
 

fumikage

Member
Day 15

I couldnt write the last days cause i got vaccined and it really knocked me out. I‘m still going strong. In general my workout routine is great, and i‘m really drawing mental strength from it too, but i couldnt do much this week because of the vaccine.
 

fumikage

Member
Day 19

I M/O‘d 2 Times this week. I am afraid that old habits are coming back. This weekend i am going to try to have sex again. I hope it will work good, i am pretty sure it will because i really feel more sensetive and thats really good. But still, i got a long way to go. Goddamn i am so afraid of these old habits, M/O‘ing is really triggering me but its so hard not to do it. I just think M/Oing itself is not bad at all i am pretty sure that its normal and good to get to know yourself better and stuff like that. I just dont know if i can keep these things away from each other. I just dont wanna relapse goddammit. I got this far and i am not gonna stop now.
 
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