Just blew it

Been on the wagon for about 3 months and I guess I had too much time on my hands for Thanksgiving along with the fact that might wife's back is out.
I know where this goes...I am going to face the little monster getting hungry again with new found energy but all is a lie. Leads to tons of wasted time, sore dick, delayed ejaculation and diminishing satisfaction and escalation to harder porn. All of that is totally not worth it. It's an addiction. One hit is not a habit. Hold me accountable!
 
Hit it again after I wrote this. Today is a new day. One of the factors leading to the failure is the fact that I get obsessed with some TV celebrity or person and I start to follow them on-line looking for updates and hoping for a risque picture. I search for their name along with "hot" pictures. I have a blocker on my computer so these are usually bikini or even milder pictures of them in sexy clothes. I have this habit of searching right when I sit down to work for a small kick and then I have been able to get to work and go along without any consequences. I search a bit on Youtube too looking for short videos of them dancing. Anyways, this leads to more thoughts over time...In this particular case, I went down the rabbit hole of thinking if my current obsession was as hot as my favorite porn star. So, I managed to talk myself into turning off my filter and just peeking at the porn star thinking i would only look at her in clothes. That lasted about 2 seconds and was unrealistic. So now I am struggling with refreshed memories of my favorite porn star and a new one I saw that i really liked. Ugggh. The thoughts keep popping back in with that drive to just peek. Just want to see exactly how she is made. I've struggled with this habit before as I used to follow one girl in particular on Instagram but logged out and haven't been back on which solved that. But, with this new interest, I just kept revisiting. It's like the new interest replaced the old one. I can add YouTube to my block list on my work computer which should help. Any other thoughts for keeping this feeder habit at bay please let me know. My phone is a dumb phone and I don't dare access porn on my work computer I have a Chrome Book which I use for this forum that has a blocker on it but the way Chrome Books are set up, it is easy to disable. I just go in as a guest and then all of the restrictions are turned off. Need the Chrome Book to stay on the forum plus it is essential for a few other activities I need to do on a regular basis.
 

guitar1968

Well-Known Member
Hit it again after I wrote this. Today is a new day. One of the factors leading to the failure is the fact that I get obsessed with some TV celebrity or person and I start to follow them on-line looking for updates and hoping for a risque picture. I search for their name along with "hot" pictures. I have a blocker on my computer so these are usually bikini or even milder pictures of them in sexy clothes. I have this habit of searching right when I sit down to work for a small kick and then I have been able to get to work and go along without any consequences. I search a bit on Youtube too looking for short videos of them dancing. Anyways, this leads to more thoughts over time...In this particular case, I went down the rabbit hole of thinking if my current obsession was as hot as my favorite porn star. So, I managed to talk myself into turning off my filter and just peeking at the porn star thinking i would only look at her in clothes. That lasted about 2 seconds and was unrealistic. So now I am struggling with refreshed memories of my favorite porn star and a new one I saw that i really liked. Ugggh. The thoughts keep popping back in with that drive to just peek. Just want to see exactly how she is made. I've struggled with this habit before as I used to follow one girl in particular on Instagram but logged out and haven't been back on which solved that. But, with this new interest, I just kept revisiting. It's like the new interest replaced the old one. I can add YouTube to my block list on my work computer which should help. Any other thoughts for keeping this feeder habit at bay please let me know. My phone is a dumb phone and I don't dare access porn on my work computer I have a Chrome Book which I use for this forum that has a blocker on it but the way Chrome Books are set up, it is easy to disable. I just go in as a guest and then all of the restrictions are turned off. Need the Chrome Book to stay on the forum plus it is essential for a few other activities I need to do on a regular basis.
I do the same thing when watching tv and movies. I look up the actress, with "nude" after her name and most times there is at least one image that sets me off. It's a very bad habit that I need to break. I don't think it's my main issue, but it's one of them.

So much work to do to keep clean. Not easy.
 

Scuffy

New Member
Failed my mission over the weekend. Had gone 5 weeks (a drop in the bucket compared to most in here) cold turkey and was cruising along and then, boom, the walls came crashing down. Not a marathon session like I used to but whether 10 minutes or 2 hours it's all the same. Feeling pretty bummed out about it. I'm here to piggyback off any advice you get here.
 
Lost it again yesterday but I am encouraged to know that I am not alone and that the struggle is the same for all of us. Had a fuss with the wife over the last few days and that did not help things. Things just seem to pile up sometimes. At the end of the day, the Easy Peasy point is still true. Porn is like an addiction and it brings some initial pleasure but then leads to such problems and costs. The key must be to realize in the moment the true costs...wasted time, junk that doesn't work, loss of concentration, escalation to harder stuff that is truly disgusting and a diminishing return on enjoyment.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Lost it again yesterday but I am encouraged to know that I am not alone and that the struggle is the same for all of us. Had a fuss with the wife over the last few days and that did not help things. Things just seem to pile up sometimes. At the end of the day, the Easy Peasy point is still true. Porn is like an addiction and it brings some initial pleasure but then leads to such problems and costs. The key must be to realize in the moment the true costs...wasted time, junk that doesn't work, loss of concentration, escalation to harder stuff that is truly disgusting and a diminishing return on enjoyment.
Easy Peasy is true. It discusses what they call "the brainwashing". And I've read something similar in another book about quitting alcohol which had a similar idea: the process of de-brainwashing the user and showing them that porn in our case is absolutely useless for our lives, it doesn't bring us anything, it doesn't give us anything, we can live without it, we can experience pleasure without it, we can deal with bad days without "medicating" with it. Porn enters deep inside our head and brainwashes us into believing that it is something very important for us and if we quit it, we will miss something, but there is nothing to give up, in order to give up something that things needs to mean something to you and bring you something. Brainwashing ourselves back to understanding that porn is nothing for us should be one of the steps of the recovery. Once in a while I go back to re-read Easy Peasy because it's a big help in my opinion. Good luck.
 

BigDog43

Member
I do the same thing when watching tv and movies. I look up the actress, with "nude" after her name and most times there is at least one image that sets me off. It's a very bad habit that I need to break. I don't think it's my main issue, but it's one of them.

So much work to do to keep clean. Not easy.
Same here, I'm pretty new to the forum, but damn I keep seeing stuff that is all me. Pretty much every relapse I've ever had started this way. I'll go google her name and then eventually tag nude on the end of it. I've had to tell myself that even MO'ing to fully clothed women is just as bad as anything else because all roads lead to the same place. This is why I can't MO even to my spankbank in my mind.
 

Escapeandnevercomeback

Respected Member
Same here, I'm pretty new to the forum, but damn I keep seeing stuff that is all me. Pretty much every relapse I've ever had started this way. I'll go google her name and then eventually tag nude on the end of it. I've had to tell myself that even MO'ing to fully clothed women is just as bad as anything else because all roads lead to the same place. This is why I can't MO even to my spankbank in my mind.
I've heard Elon Musk saying that we spend too much time on sex outside of reproduction. And I agree. We spend too much time on sex outside of reproduction and bonding. We are addicted to the pleasure and we spend a lot of time and energy with this pleasure. Jerking off to any picture is a waste of time because it gets you nothing, only "pleasure" but what do we gain from this pleasure? Living for pleasure is being a slave. We have so many things to do than jerk off to porn, to picture or whatever the fuck.
 
Easy Peasy is true. It discusses what they call "the brainwashing". And I've read something similar in another book about quitting alcohol which had a similar idea: the process of de-brainwashing the user and showing them that porn in our case is absolutely useless for our lives, it doesn't bring us anything, it doesn't give us anything, we can live without it, we can experience pleasure without it, we can deal with bad days without "medicating" with it. Porn enters deep inside our head and brainwashes us into believing that it is something very important for us and if we quit it, we will miss something, but there is nothing to give up, in order to give up something that things needs to mean something to you and bring you something. Brainwashing ourselves back to understanding that porn is nothing for us should be one of the steps of the recovery. Once in a while I go back to re-read Easy Peasy because it's a big help in my opinion. Good luck.
Thanks Escape ! Great points and I will go back and read Easy Peasy notes I made.
 
Same here, I'm pretty new to the forum, but damn I keep seeing stuff that is all me. Pretty much every relapse I've ever had started this way. I'll go google her name and then eventually tag nude on the end of it. I've had to tell myself that even MO'ing to fully clothed women is just as bad as anything else because all roads lead to the same place. This is why I can't MO even to my spankbank in my mind.
Excellent point Big Dog. That is another great point...the spankbank. I've done that too and you are right that all roads lead to the same point. Thanks you!
 
In the vein of thinking above, I listened to a great podcast at https://feelinggood.com/list-of-feeling-good-podcasts/ The topic is how to defeat bad habits and addictions from a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy point of view. Going to implement their process. If anyone is interested, to the link above and find episode 270. Focus of podcast is on weight loss but applies to porn in same way...just one more bite / peek wont hurt... The guy who came up with it is David Burns who is one of the best authors on anxiety / depression I have ever heard. Smart, insightful guy / MD.
 

jcwright

Member
Failed my mission over the weekend. Had gone 5 weeks (a drop in the bucket compared to most in here) cold turkey and was cruising along and then, boom, the walls came crashing down. Not a marathon session like I used to but whether 10 minutes or 2 hours it's all the same. Feeling pretty bummed out about it. I'm here to piggyback off any advice you get here.
Do not give up. Please read my latest post. It works. This will help you.
 

jcwright

Member
Hit it again after I wrote this. Today is a new day. One of the factors leading to the failure is the fact that I get obsessed with some TV celebrity or person and I start to follow them on-line looking for updates and hoping for a risque picture. I search for their name along with "hot" pictures. I have a blocker on my computer so these are usually bikini or even milder pictures of them in sexy clothes. I have this habit of searching right when I sit down to work for a small kick and then I have been able to get to work and go along without any consequences. I search a bit on Youtube too looking for short videos of them dancing. Anyways, this leads to more thoughts over time...In this particular case, I went down the rabbit hole of thinking if my current obsession was as hot as my favorite porn star. So, I managed to talk myself into turning off my filter and just peeking at the porn star thinking i would only look at her in clothes. That lasted about 2 seconds and was unrealistic. So now I am struggling with refreshed memories of my favorite porn star and a new one I saw that i really liked. Ugggh. The thoughts keep popping back in with that drive to just peek. Just want to see exactly how she is made. I've struggled with this habit before as I used to follow one girl in particular on Instagram but logged out and haven't been back on which solved that. But, with this new interest, I just kept revisiting. It's like the new interest replaced the old one. I can add YouTube to my block list on my work computer which should help. Any other thoughts for keeping this feeder habit at bay please let me know. My phone is a dumb phone and I don't dare access porn on my work computer I have a Chrome Book which I use for this forum that has a blocker on it but the way Chrome Books are set up, it is easy to disable. I just go in as a guest and then all of the restrictions are turned off. Need the Chrome Book to stay on the forum plus it is essential for a few other activities I need to do on a regular basis.
I feel you. This is one heck of a battle. I recommend that you check out my latest post. I created my own plan and it works. Hope this helps.
 

BigDog43

Member
In the vein of thinking above, I listened to a great podcast at https://feelinggood.com/list-of-feeling-good-podcasts/ The topic is how to defeat bad habits and addictions from a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy point of view. Going to implement their process. If anyone is interested, to the link above and find episode 270. Focus of podcast is on weight loss but applies to porn in same way...just one more bite / peek wont hurt... The guy who came up with it is David Burns who is one of the best authors on anxiety / depression I have ever heard. Smart, insightful guy / MD.
I'm saving this to listen to later. Most people wouldn't think it to look at me because I'm so tall I just look like a big guy, but I'm overweight and struggled most of my life with being at my target weight (never really obese just always like 20-40lbs over weight). I also binge drink to much and find that these three vices of mine travel in packs. When I have one in the mix, the others are not far behind. I've learned that when my alcohol consumption is in check, I can control my nutrition better and thus control other urges better. Or if eat a really high carb meal, I get cravings for another type of dope hit. The epiphany I've had recently is that all three of these for me need to be in check for my long term success. Looking forward to listening to this one.
 

Carl_Smith

Active Member
Flattofine, I can't remember if Easy Peasy mentioned it but anhedonia (in the rest of your life) caused by dopamine hits is very real. That along with hypofrontality, lethargy, and ED are physical reasons I don't want to go back.

My library had the audio book of "Dopamine Nation" and that along with YBOP videos really sealed the deal for me about chemical addictions. IMHO, Easy Peasy is an awesome first book to shake you out of the addict mindset, but other science material is very useful after that, because the direct physical problems are even more than what smoking causes, due to much higher dopamine levels (on par with morphine).
 
I'm saving this to listen to later. Most people wouldn't think it to look at me because I'm so tall I just look like a big guy, but I'm overweight and struggled most of my life with being at my target weight (never really obese just always like 20-40lbs over weight). I also binge drink to much and find that these three vices of mine travel in packs. When I have one in the mix, the others are not far behind. I've learned that when my alcohol consumption is in check, I can control my nutrition better and thus control other urges better. Or if eat a really high carb meal, I get cravings for another type of dope hit. The epiphany I've had recently is that all three of these for me need to be in check for my long term success. Looking forward to listening to this one.
Thanks Big Dog - hope it helps!
 
Flattofine, I can't remember if Easy Peasy mentioned it but anhedonia (in the rest of your life) caused by dopamine hits is very real. That along with hypofrontality, lethargy, and ED are physical reasons I don't want to go back.

My library had the audio book of "Dopamine Nation" and that along with YBOP videos really sealed the deal for me about chemical addictions. IMHO, Easy Peasy is an awesome first book to shake you out of the addict mindset, but other science material is very useful after that, because the direct physical problems are even more than what smoking causes, due to much higher dopamine levels (on par with morphine).
Thanks Carl- I can tell such a difference when I am on the wagon...better concentration, more energy etc!
 
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